Swirly Johanssen Is in Way Over His Swirly Head With Sultry Carolyn
Sultry Carolyn toys with her prey.
For no amount of rosary bling can redeem the Swirl’s groinal aspirations.
Rainbolio Drops a Deuce at Coachella
Sweet Pam, who meticulously fulfills the casting role of Hot Younger Sister of Your Best Friend in College, knows that slumming it for a weekend at Coachella won’t get back to her quasi-BF, Bob.
That’s what she thinks.
Turns out, Pam’s bestie, Monica, actually began dating Rainbolio’s bro, Tommy, behind the glowstick selling dude on the dirt road over by second stage.
So Bob’s totally gonna find out by Wednesday.
Sorry, Sweet Pam. This Deuce don’t fly.
Las Vegas DJ Douchebags Continue to Get Paid Millions to Operate iTunes
This continues to be one of the great travesties of our contemporary cultural suckitude. No talent button pushing asswipes in trendy t-shirts are somehow paid millions of dollars to press “play”:
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Tiësto
2012 total earnings: $22 million
Data service Pollstar found that the Dutch-born DJ, who just signed on to a residency at Hakkasan, earns around $250,000 per performance, adding up to a total in 2012 of $22 million.
And that number may only grow, as Tiësto recently told Rolling Stone that he sees 2013 as the Year of Las Vegas for top DJs.
“I’m going to dedicate my year to Las Vegas. Just Vegas, maybe a couple of festivals. I haven’t decided yet,” he said. “With the scene blowing up in America, Vegas is so much fun now. It’s the right time to do it.”
——————
Atrocious.
Vinnie Fanooli Is Determined to Touch Angie's Nethers
A week’s pay from Tony’s Oil Change, a freshly shaved chest and a perfectly coiffed lip fung give Vinnie Fanooli the confidence he needsto finally make his move on Angie Nunzio.
Besides, Angie’s mom, Maria, and Vinnie’s mom, Maria, like to play bridge together on Sundays.
So Vinnie’s got that going for him.
Angie likes gum.
Tune in!! All this week!! On As Italian Stereotypes Unfairly Applied by a Jewish Blogger Based on a Single Pic Turns.
Japan is a Very Odd Place
On second thought, lets not go there.
Wallnuts After Dark: What's With Michael Douglas's Troat Cancer?
What’s all a this I hear that that Michael Douglas character said his Troat Cancer is from eatin’ Bad Bing? Bad Bing, I says.
I mean I can’t imagine A) eatin’ that much Bing and 2) eatin’ that much Bing that was bad, and that’s comin’ from a guy who’s been cheeks deep for most a his life, and if eatin’ Snapper gave you The Cancer they would a cut out my larynx and cut off my nose back in the 70s. Ya mean?
Now from what Douglas said his doctor said, he caught The Cancer from chowin’ box on broads who had STPs. I wonder how his young wife feels about all a that?
I also saw somethin’ that said The Cancer also came from something called Comminglingus, or some shit. I tells ya, sometimes it ain’t so bad bein’ a regular Joe type, all a that crazy sex stuff sounds like fun until it someone gets The Cancer.
It reminds me a the first time I felt a pair a fake tits on this dame Carmella Rutondo who used to hang around the back lot at MGM back in the day. I took her out for a few drinks and some Terpsichore and the next thing I know she’s all over my joint under the table. Terpsichore, I says.
So we slip into the cloak room at the Brown Derby, which sucked by the way, and I go up her shirt and when I felt her cans I got the Douche Chills, as they felt unnatural. Not like them big old Butter Tits Mother Nature or God or whoever the Fucc you think gives broads tits, gave them. Butter Tits, I says.
An another thing, this story just goes to prove that old sayin’ that the Eggcorn don’t fall far from the tree (not the 3, but the tree), as his old man Kirk was the horniest Sonofabitch that Hollywood ever seen. Kirk once banged a Tongue Ruben with extra sauerkraut, dressed, that he got at Moishe’s Kosher Deli down there on Sunset. Not only did he brake several a them Jew laws by mixin’ dairy wit meat, you don’t wanna know what he did wit the pickle.
So anyways, I’m not ascared a gettin’ The Cancer and so won’t be alterin’ my diet in any way anytimes soon. You know what I’m sayin’, Cool Breeze?
Friday Thoughts and Links
This pic is like microwaved turtle poo.
Simmering with sizzling micro heat.
I have no idea what micro heat is.
But I digress. It’s Friday bitches!!
Kinda a piddling collection of links this week as your humb narrs found himself passed out in a pool of Tequila vomit beneath an underpass near where the 134 meets the 405.
Long story.
It involves illegal shipment containers, doughnuts, a moldy trampoline and a magical unicorn with the posterior of an enflamed rhesus monkey.
I blame Zapata and the Sandanistas.
Here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Something After You Click this Link Link of the Week: Sure you’re aging at a rapid pace, losing libido and depressed, but why not hang a poster and pretend that you’re still in college
Posters of prostitutes are not what they seem.
Need the perfect gift? Say it with bacon.
Sometimes ya just gotta boogie down.
Douche Tags. Still out there. Still… uhm, well, I guess the word is douchey.
Okay, nuff of that stalling. Here’s your pear:
Like a vanilla carnal cupcake of pedantic delight.
Enjoy! For the weekend is upon.
Friday Haiku
Seth found a hooker
So he could make his sex tape.
Seth’s quite literal.
Raggedy Andy
Tried to replace Anne’s stuffing;
taped up monkey hole.
— Douche Wayne
She looks groovy but
I wonder if the carpet
Matches the tape. Son.
— The Dude
what Seth does not know
that it takes two rolls of tape
to plug her bung hole
— creature
The strip club from TRON
Is so much less appealing
when the lights are on
— Charles Douchewin
She wears the pasties
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
“What to wear tonight?”
Trixie axed herself. “I know!”
“Where’s that roll of tape?”
— DoucheyWallnuts
Seth will learn too late
that tape is often used by
pre-surg transgenders
— Jacques Doucheteau
Where's Waldouche?: DJ Inappropriately Hitting on the Barely Legals Edition
Juan is not dope.
Nor fresh.
Nor fly.
Nor hyphy.
Nor off the chain.
Said the cat.
KV's Record Setting Synchronic Ab/Kiss Reveal
Amateur HCwDBs, do not attempt this maneuver at home.
Only the truest of scrotal professionals can pull off a synchronic ab-reveal kiss maneuver such as this one.
Kisseus Vomitorius is that scrotal professional.
