Friday Haiku
She pulled his finger;
There came a sputtering sound –
Then he was smaller.
Fifty Cent could not
stay away from the crab cakes
now needs Epi-pen.
— Douche Wayne
out of convenience
he used her head as a swab
roids make your ass bleed
— creature
It puts the bicep
In the basket or it gets
The hose. Steroid hose.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Sorority Lisa Experiences A Fruitopia Douche Sandwich
This. Will not end well.
Beware the jelly dong, Sorority Lisa. Beware the jelly dong.
Reader Mail: JR Tags a Poster HCwDB
Reader JR snaps this coupling of greasy avatar:
———
I saw it on display by a photobooth at CocoBongo Playa del Carmen when I was down there over the weekend. I went to high school with the beautiful temptress and thought it worthy of a picture. It was only when reviewing the pic that I truly appreciated the douchiness of this guys exaggerated v-neck, shaved fauxhawk and freshly pumped ‘ceps. But the effort he made to stretch his neck for the forehead touch is what makes it truly awkward.
————-
Well tagged, indeed, JR. And may all your post high school suckle thighs offer the same worth of Tempting Tandy here.
Dirk Makes the Pukeface
Remember kids, Puke Face is inversely proportional to likelihood of post-party cubble bobble.
And if you don’t know what cubble bobble is, then you ain’t been to Albuquerque.
HINT: It involves Holy Yellow Triangle.
Truth in Advertising: The New Dove Soap Commercial
So the ad wizards that peddle premium soap by peddling Oprah porn are rolling out a bunch of pseudo-honest claptrap designed to blame society for making women feel bad about their self image.
Oh how sad! They think they look one way, but then when an entirely objective sketch artist (in no way biased by the agenda of the ad agency paying him) draws another sketch based on a witness (in no way biased by the agenda of the ad agency paying her), she looks way more pretty.
This, of course, means something something.
In reality?
Who gives a crap what we think we look like?
Take a look at this pic, Dove Advertising Agency! And then lick my scrotundae.
This pic is the real America, baby.
The rest is selling something.
Hungover on Thursday…
Ole’ Tex Wildflower keeps on keepin’ on,
Like an ageless Willie Nelson song,
The ladies in Reno,
Get fondled during Keno,
And Ole’ Tex done beat the Devil all along.
Or, more to the point about your humb narrs:
Rice wine with sushi is a trick,
It seems so benign, yet has a kick,
It goes well with tekka maki,
And with chicken teriyaki,
And the next thing you know I am sick.
Nice Guy Jack Wins at the Game Of Life
Good on you, Jack. Now talk Sophie into turning down the bronzer and may all your flapjacks be maple syrup covered.
I don’t know what that means but it sounds kinda dirty.
I’m talkin’ 2am IHOP bathroom dirty.
Herpster Elijah Gets Down with 30s Hott Karen At an Annoying Bar in Sheboygan
Unearned Dog Tags on Herpsters with extensive vinyl collections and no TVs.
Still out there.
Still douchey.
Bleeeeeethsss
For those wanting more female douchebags, aka douchebaguettes, aka Bleeths, on the site, here ya go.
“Douchettes in the Mirror” for $800, Alex.
You know a classic ‘Bag who would enjoy sharing a tasty cola beverage with these Bleeths right about now?
Oldbag Tex Wildflower Lives on Borrowed Time
Tex Wildflower may have watched the railroads come in and take out the true spirit of the prairie, but he ain’t goin’ out without at least one more suckle fondle.
And for that, we tip the bridge of our stetson and pour out a glass of some of that tasty Sioux City sarsaparilla in Tex’s honor.
