Friday Thoughts and Links
If prom night in Long Island is ever held at a dental convention, it might look a little… something… like this.
So your humble narrator, while hardly a “gamer” in any sense of the word, has been known to occasionally slip into xBox-land every year or so for a solid month of brain numbing retreat and coma-inducing flickering of pixel hypnosis.
That year is this week. Wait, what?
Yes, I am one of the masses attuned to BioShock. The first game offered breakthrough in multimedia storytelling technique mixed with pop-art the likes of which are rarely seen in any medium. Its mixture of game play, fantasy, literature, nostalgia, storytelling, and groundbreaking taboo violation can only be called art.
While I am barely into the game, BioShock: Infinite will inevitably disappoint. One can only have their mind blown by a new form of art once. Repetition, and nearly all games are ultimately repetitive redundancies gussied up in fancy new clothing, is inevitable.
Still, it’s nice to see hundreds of millions of dollars committed to a real vision, while cinema continues to bleed genericism from every crappy action pore. Star Trek has been generified, reduced to awful one liners and standard Michael Bay cityscape explosion porn. And now Disney and JJ Abrams are out to castrate whatever originality is left in the decaying Star Wars corpse. Movies are as devoid of life and originality as a Fembot 3000.
Games may be our only hope.
Here’s your links:
If you ever doubt the potential for majesty and grace in the human race, doubt no more. And yes, I know it’s a commercial in the end, but who cares.
The genius of Steve Martin in silent form: The Great Flydini.
Floridian Frauxhawk Pudwack starts paper towel fire, flees on skateboard, gets arrested.
And just when you thought douche culture was winding down… I give you meggings. Yep. Male leggings.
Need a new blog to follow? Angry people in local newspapers. Enjoy this while the concept of local newspapers still exists.
Douches at music festivals. That title may be redundant.
Pear? Pear, you say?
Or perhaps, Peartopia on Facebook.
Okay, here’s your Pear with a bit of douche on the site:
Asspear and the Largeman Twins
All that is spandex in a spandex universe.
Fraiku
Jan sulks, Kevin broods.
He ain’t getting no gravy
On his Limp Bizkit
Chad found out climax
Is bad time for Dutch Oven
To be pulled on wife
— DoucheyWallnuts
She’s a chatty pro.
Wonders how to spend the next
55 minutes.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Behind the blonde hair
and soft blue eyes lies only
entropic disdain.
— Charles Douchewin
She cooks, does dishes
But why does your mom have to
Be in here with us?
— Vin J Douchal
Ken thinks ’bout baseball
to prolong sexy time, finds
bats an odd turn-on
— Morbo
Bro Kevin bought the
Axe spray, K-Y lube, rubbers
Forgot the blue pill
— Magnum Douche P. I.
Overheard at Disturbing Los Angeles Herspter BBQ
”
“So, like, uhm, if you drop the bass with iTunes, is that still called ‘spinning’? Cuz, like, nothing’s actually spinning. What with the lack of record player. So like shouldn’t it be called ‘digiting’, or something? I’m just checking on, like, the proper nomenclature. Yo.”
Disturboboobs rattle with pensive aplomb.
And… scene.
"The Meatmosians in the Land of Leg Suckle"
Man, I loved that Piers Anthony novel when I was a kid.
The Vortex of Suckage That Is A Los Angeles Herpster BBQ
Kelly’s accidental run-in with notorious Silverlake DJs Scrabblex and Parcheesix did not end well when her boobs decided to recoil in horror and her vageen donned sunglasses in the hopes that none of the other vageens would recognize her at the next Vageenas Anonymous meeting.
Yup. Stop making sense. And you may ask yourself, why does the DB1 need a coffee? And you may say to yourself, this is not my beautiful sheboyyyyyygen.
Jerry Lewis.
Flock of Wristgulls
Shane learned quickly that nothing seduced the hotties of Mobile, Alabama, quite like tighty whitey armdanas.
Snoop Ferret Put 'Palming a Beachball' Under Skills on His Resume
Kaylee just added her father on Facebook to make sure he sees these pics. Kaylee doesn’t yet know that her father stopped checking his Facebook account in late 2011.
"Love and Body Spray"
I hereby deem thee an artistic amalgam of all that is smelly in greater Long Island, and hereby bequeath this image to my show at the Guggenheim in 2023.
Car Self-Portraits With Camera Phones
Not just for the economic elites anymore.
And remember kids, when wearing a designer sleeveless rayon/cotton hybrid, the second, third and fifth button must remain unbuttoned for proper aesthetic achievement.
Angie prefers peppermint gum to spearmint.
