I Dreamed of a Cloud…
And the cloud spoke to me…
“What up?” it said with a whispered gust.
“Is that you, Cloud?” I responded pensively, with a noted lack of trust.
“S’wat I said, bitch!” the cloud replied and shook it’s mighty swole.
“Look, you’re lucky I’m even posting your sorry ass!”, I responded, for without Pear, this pic was not whole.
And the mighty cloud thundered with gay-ass dazzle…
It quivered like jello, then fondled its azzle….
“Tell me, Cloud, how is it, to float up on high? Do you grow like a daisy, in a cow patty pie?”
I didn’t know why I was talking like that, in a falsetto sing-song voice. Perhaps I saw it in a film directed by Philip Noyce.
“Cloud, does it make you happy, by the by? Do you feel you can touch the sky? Please do tell me, Cloud up high!”
“Shel Silverstein can suck my jabrone! Poetry is for pussies and wussies and Joey Fatone!”
And so the cloud fondled its ballsack and cried.
For its ballsack was shriveled and wrinkly and dried.
When the Pics are Low, the KV will Do Nicely
Because if we’re not here to mock this pile of greasepiddle mocking on party hotts like Katina here, then wheretofore art life?
Meanwhile in Scrotetrash updates, The Wiggaz Grow Old.
Kisseus Vomitorious Builds His Career
Can you guess in what career the Notorious K.V. is now working?
A. Accounting and Tax Preparation for H&R Block
B. Detailed Field Measurements Involving Quantum Mechanics and the Study of Quark Particles at the Heisenberg Center
C. Developing Third World Investment Strategies at McNulty and Fielding, An Economic Think Tank in Northern California
D. “Philosophy”
Answer now!
Boobs
See title.
More to the point, don’t see title.
Don’t see nuthin’.
Not even the borderline nottabag
Simply see globby globs with dancing cherubic lute babies circling them like tweety birds of harmonic glee.
Something Douchey Happened on the Way to the (Penthouse) Forum
It involved an electric razor, a twelve-pack of Bud Light Lime, and a subconscious desire to keep the encroaching, deep existential dread at bay through drugs and alcohol.
1980s Dating Video
And God said… let there be mullets!
And there were mullets.
And God saw that they were douchey.
So God created the internet. So that they could be mocked.
The Mutational Internets
From lo-res dancing baby to Harlem Shakes (no embedded links to spare you the passe-ness), the internets has come a long way, baby.
Your humb narrs has played a small, teensy tiny role in the chaos as the world shifted from text-based processing (blogs) to image-based imaginariums(instacrap et al).
Whereto next, o captain my captain?
How willst the digital umbilicus that pastiches the collective unconscious as unregulated simulcrum traverse the sands of cultural shift next?
I do not know.
So here’s a horse guy.
Friday Thoughts and Links
There are many cantos of douchebaggery on the journey through Hades that Dante and Virgil have chanced upon.
One of them involves wearing pornography on your t-shirt.
Note to the kids: Do not wear pornography on your t-shirt.
No, no even if you’re cultivating the “Child Molester Stare + Chin Pubes” look.
It is not acceptable.
Under any circumstances.
Hi there, Aging Lacy Sue. I pinch your bottom with a half-sour pickle.
Here’s your links:
For the guy or girl who has everything: Pig Mask
Is there anything more entertaining than animals having sex?
Ten of the Creepiest Celebs in 2012’s #2 is Creepy Oldbag Doug Hutchison.
Scholarly peer-reviewed journal, USA Today, offers critical insight about Spring Break destinations.
When you die, make sure they erect a proper grave.
Film school memories: Marty on Oliver.
And some more: QT on Marty.
Want quality Pear Streaming? No, not that kind of streaming you perv. Facebook’s She Squats offers quality.
Okay. Here’s what you want.
Meh. Okay whatevs. Lets get to the real goods.
Because life is triple good sometimes.
EDIT: Triple Pear link fixed, although it was far funnier the way it was.
Friday Haiku
“Oh dear…” thought GrampBag,
“I’m afraid it has fallen
And it can’t get up”
Denim mini skirt
Tank top in Viagra blue.
Jump starts Jasper’s heart.
— Douche Wayne
“Hey baby! Wanna
Come back to my place and ride
The hip replacement.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Grandpa was charged with
Assault with a dead weapon
When Cops saw picture
— DoucheyWallnuts
The next morning, they
mixed up his dentures and her
diaphragm. Awkward!
— Douche Wayne
“This isn’t the man
Who shot Liberty Vallance.”
He smells burning toast.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Gramps celebrates Loud !
Learned he won Nigerian
Lottery !! He’s Rich !!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Grandpa busts a move
Whilst he busts an artery
And busts his last nut
— DoucheyWallnuts
