Reader Mail: Cristina's Pic Was Used Without Permisstion
I’m gonna miss these sorts of emails.
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From: Cristina
Subject: REMOVE MY PIC!!
Message Body:
PLZ REMOVE MY PIC FROM UR SITE!!
A COPYRIGHT VIOLATION HAS BEEN MADE!!!
We will be forced to get a lawyer and shut down your site!
MY PIC WAS USED WITHOUT MY PERMISSTION
THANK YOU
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Unfortunately, Cristina did not provide any specifics as to which pic she’s referring to.
So here’s a pic of a frog meeting a mouse.
Friday Thoughts and Links
I’m in a generous mood these days. So I’ll probably give Army Bob a nottadouche and a goinpeace for scoring Tonya The Hott Older Sister of Your Best Friend In Tenth Grade.
Even if sleeveless army tanktops are all sorts of 1980s festering festoon.
So’s while your humb narrs was in New York, I sat down to go an in-depth podcast with the great Mandy Stadtmiller of xoJane and News Whore. I’ve long been a fan of Mandy’s writing ever since she first interviewed me for the New York Post back in the day when my show was debuting on MTV.
And since we’re probably approaching some sort of finality around here at HCwDB, I thought it was high time to sit down and talk through the journey of my life and all things hottie/douchey dialectical. Check out the podcast here.
If you do listen, let me know what you think of it in the comments thread. I’m curious to hear your thoughts.
Anyways, and aways we go… here’s yer links:
Your HCwDB Buy Some Amazon Stuff and Help Support the Site Link of the Week: “Experience has shown, and a true philosophy will always show, that a vast, perhaps the larger portion of the truth arises from the seemingly irrelevant.”
Brothabag Leon. Still out there. Still with swirly fung.
Well, that’s one way to fight the power I suppose.
200 year old douche discovered. It wasn’t Gene Simmons.
Billy Ray Cyrus’s Achy Breaky Heart 2 drips with douchal stank.
Real life Barbie wants to be ‘brainless.’
White Trash Alert: Twinkies now available at Big Lots. I love Twinkies but have never been in a Big Lots. I am half-white-trash. Gray Trash?
An abandoned high school in Detroit comes to life with photographs from the past. Eerie and beautiful.
And so we drift off into another weekend eve… the languid smells of lavendar and burning tar choke the Hollywood freeways with the congestion of a million piddle butts. And so many carry on for a two day break from a five day week with the peanut at the end of the rainbow the chance to do it all over again.
Friday Haiku
Herpes got you down?
Try the new Valtrex™ RashStash™!
The Patch on your Patch!
Pale skinny Meghan
looks on from behind glasses
jealous of Pam’s man.
— Douche Wayne
This party smells of
Ball cheese and bad decisions
Valtrex stock to soar
— Capt. James T. Douche
Spinner’s got the bloat
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Spring Break is coming
Soon these two abstrosities
Will look so orange.
— The Dude
They’ve got two tickets
to Paradise. Watch out south
NV, here they come!
Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
It puts the card in
The basket or it get’s the
Hose. The foot long hose.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
The ghost of Lenin
Weeps uncontrollably for
Proletariat
— DoucheyWallnuts
Jen’s sister Amy
looks on from behind. “Yeah, I
am the pretty one”
— Magnum Douche P. I.
Blortz twins’ fake IDs
Although not necessary
For a high school dance
— Vin Douchal
Girls Gone Wild guy
who said, “Show your tits!” should’ve
been more specific
— Morbo
“G-Stop Raw” has the
same initials as “Groin Shave
Reveal”; both senseless.
— Wheezer
Lee Tattwater's Southern Strategy
Lee Tattwater is a visionary.
He has perfected the art of general douchetatt without the ability to focus on any specific douchetatt.
It’s like conceptual scrotal misdirection.
Hypnotic enough to make Runaway Kelly forget to eat for three days despite staying in a motel near the $8.99 all you can eat ribs buffet at the Golden Nugget.
Old Bro Clyde Refuses to Give Up the Dream
Ski Ulrich watches disapprovingly from the vidscreen. This shall not abide.
All men approaching middle age must give up the dream and get married. So it was told to me and so it was told to the prophet Ezekiel uponst whose bread was buttered the joy of diaper change.
Bar Hott Jenny has never known insecurity. As far as you know.
The Human Tourch Drops a Deuce
This Vegasian morality tale just took a turn towards stinky finger.
The Human Torch
Remember really douchey spikey hair?
Still out there.
Still silly like commando chipmunk.
Fox Crotch
Small woodland creatures died so that this toot-‘bag could thrust his package with proper accesorization.
Neo-hippie Kelly definitely should not have gone to Bennington.
And Then This Happened
In a world of war, poverty, illness, ignorance, apathy, environmental disaster and Armenian cab drivers, this happened.
An event so tragic in its microcosmic metaphor as to render global catastrophe merely a backdrop for impending coital offense.
Where undies nubs hang their nubs in shame like sad alien antennae.
Frat Joe Lives the High Life
Kinda hard to hate too hard on Frat Joe.
First of all, he’s posing with classic Paid-to-Pose Hotts. Which is like posing with Mickey Mouse at Disney World. It’s no biggie, part of the atmosphere, and helps perpetuate a secular version of a religious cult built around childhood fantasies.
Or something like that.
In a related story, Amazonian Tina would Goofy my Plutos whilst Snow Whiting my Jungle Book’s Little Mermaid. If you know what I mean. Teacups.
