Pre-Emptive Fraiku
Awright, ye miscreants…I’ma be traveling to Sacramento this week so I am posting this gem early, and will pick them what win teh interwebs around Sunday night or so, depending on airport free wi-fi and/or how many baby Jack Daniels I consume en route back home…so have at:
Begone, Sanskrit Douche!
Holly Hunter Hardbody
And Mons Bridge beckons…
Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.
She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas
Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.
How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed
If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!
Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her
Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”
Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.
Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family
Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.
How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker
She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
***Rabbi’s Badger? -D.S.***
Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982
Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.
His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest
His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants
Party in Vegas,
Family crest, man-faced
hottie, life is good.
She eats Red Lobster
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.
.
21
A family crest
Oh an original tat
Missed it by thiiiis much
http://tinyurl.com/nem4loe
Tattooed verse on Pec
Is Autto. The Bleeth is just
Icing on the cake
Building a Mons Bridge
Without a future is quite
Common in Vegas
The cup reveals that
She has a Wet Republic
In her pants, I says
I looked at picture
For 30-minutes before
I saw the douchebag
Like Talking Heads sang
She has Mons Bridge to Nowhere
But I’ll come inside
Enough with the math
Fuck you with the math, I says
It’s no one but us
She’s impressed that his
family crest reveals long
history of douche.
.
22
Disclaimer on chest
of big schwanz in shorts never
read by drunken bleeths.
.
14
Tatt says “Objects look
bigger when drunk” that’s why Chaz
is always hammered.
.
16
How badass is he?
Dude is so badass he chugs
cranberry spritzers
.
Sucks I have to break out the calculator just to post.
.
13
How badass is he?
So badass he powerlifts
Jet-puff marshmallows.
.
27
How badass is he?
He only cried a little
while getting tattooed
.
16
How badass is he?
He sometime won’t clean his room
when mom tells him to.
.
15
The math quiz annoys,
But omnipresent top post
pisses me off. Son(s)
.
18
How badass is he?
He jacked off a French Poodle
(and he liked it, Son)
.
10
How badass is he?
Knight in shining armor wears
aqua and pink shorts!
.
Lucky 13
If his fingers squeeze her
any harder, will perform
appendectomy!
.
7 (th) Son(s)
It put the spinner
In the basket, or it gets
The Hose. The Boner Hose.
.
29x-(5y+4z)=49/5 to the 5th power with Tangency on the plane of the sphere with a vertical asymptote of -6. What is z?
I’ma get stoned noe. Afghooey is the new Lemon Kush. Son. And shit.
29
How badass is he?
True tough guy fashion statement:
Wears his hat backwards.
.
12
She may be homely
But I’d chew through those sequins
To drool on her nips
.
23
Her ass is so tight
Her shit looks like mouse droppings
Smells like corn starch
.
3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286
^………son
How badass is he?
His cockk’s an assault weapon
But his balls shoot blanks
.
15
He’s so badass, he
Gets his finger in there and
Tight cunt smells like pee.
.
20
The hott-douche balance
Teeters between twit and twat
He’s too dumb to smile
.
Spoiler alert: 2+6 = 8 trust me
Yummie Mons and boobs;
too bad she doesn’t notice
the ‘bag stuck to her
.
સાત
Slapworthy douche claims
Ownership of Tauttie but
His lease will run out
.
పందొమ్మిది
12
One silent quick pull
Releases biznatch trap door
Smells like last night’s sex
.
.
8 – Yay ! – Yaz!
Coat of Pits tattoo
She looks like she wears the cock
Strap-on cock, I says
Script on upper pec
States, “If found unconscious, please
“Use some vaseline”
.
.
17- LOOOOooooOOOch !!
The top post persists.
Then, we endure pointless math.
First class mock prevails.
.
.
Eleventeen
Her glittery cans
can’t distract from… did you say
something? Because, ABS.
.
.
Sixtythreeth
How badass is he?
You ask: “What’s the time?”, he says:
“It’s time to get ill!”
.
.
.
∞
∞ = ∞
Crest of the famed Von
Scrote clan. Dishwashers to the
Royal Family
Ice Man and Maverick
bury the hatchet after
surgery success.
.
ein und schwanzig
How badass is he?
White Tamagotchi watch still
has living kitten.
.
four squared
Small ham dangler strap
and her firm round melons cause
me to mess my pants
How badass is he?
He spanks monkey to Better
Homes and Gardens mags
How badass is he?
Mom matched swimsuit to DoucheWatch,
Paid for this hooker
Her ass is so tight
Her deli-style turds are sliced
Like Kosher roast beef
.
∞
She’ll give him Hate Fuck
Because she’s self-loathing Bleeth
And he’s a douchebag
Don’t let the hotness
Fool you. Her undercarriage
Smells like Fumunda
Her nubile Mons Bridge
Masks the Meat Curtain Horror
Lurking down below
I would wax her Ninns
With gusto despite her taste
In docuhebags and drinks
Felching Fiona
Fraternizes quite freely
With fucking frat boy
Sweet Tebus! That is
My Superfriend Hannah Starr
She gives me the head.
.
15 for fuck sakes
.
http://superfriendhannahstar.com/photo_albums/7509
Body to die for
But the head needs paper bag
I’d still hit it, Sons
She kind of looks like
An Alpha-female with the
Rabid Badger face.
.
12″
He remains a turd his whole life long
This dumb swine grabbing Taut Hottie™
Is all kinds of wrong
.
Wer nicht liebt wein weib und gesang
Er ist ein narr sein leben lang
.
Ein Große Schwanstücker
^ that’s what I get for putting coffee in my morning shot.
should be:
.
He remains a turd
His whole life long. This dumb swine
Is all kinds of wrong.
Rabid Badger Face
Was punk band I managed in
1982
Rabid Badger face
always results from surprise
anal, without lube.
His family crest
is a head in a golf bag
on a sunken chest
Douchebag’s nipples are
so small that he breastfeeds small
woodland animals
National Hermit
Day was yesterday. Did our
Hermit celebrate?
.
26
Douchebag’s nipples are
so small he breastfeeds his bros!
They leak out Grey Goose!
.
FOURTEEN!
Hate Fuck or Punch Sex
She’s into it all. Douchebag
Can’t keep up with her
Definitely, Doc
I celebrate every day
Get hammered, pass out
.
9+6=15, but I’m not a human, so go fuck yourself WordPress.
By the way, keep those haikus coming, only 96 hours ’til judgment day Son(s).
.
23
Three little spinners,
Two with a bow. One bangs the
Drums. I got a boner.
.
https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10152605007609569&set=vb.127231444568&type=2&theater 13
Have any of you fine
Gents yet succumbed to aging
Anal sphincters.Yuck.
.
21
I’m either starting
To spring a leak or my sharts
Are getting wetter.
.
21
How badass is he?
He robs the neighborhood kid’s
Halloween candy
.
22
His hard, icy glare
Belies the fact that inside
he just shit his pants
.
17
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uweFmRFwcWE
.
9 Quit toying with us like your little interwheb puppets Dark Sock. And for fuck sakes put the new post at the fucking top of the page.
She has great plucking
Technique. By technique I mean
I have a boner
Is it for fuck sakes or fuck’s sake?
.
Fuckers
.
15
Hot violin chicks
Are hard to come by. And they’re
Hard to come on, too
Is banging anal
Fissure considered anal
Sex? Just wondering…
Is a fistula
Like an asshole or is it
A fuckin disease?
Which is worse, anal
Or a vaginal prolapse?
Asking for a friend
A hemorrhoid can
Ruin good anal session
It blocks the pucker
TOXICITY gals
Stiffen The Dude’s trouser snake
Straddlevarius
.
Thanks Rev
.
What is 9+11 and why?
Friday Haiku, WOOOT!
Let’s get this party started!
Uhhh………I gots nuthin’
.
15
I do dig the post-pubescent fiddlers and shit. I’m particularly intrigued by the autistic Jewess on drums. She reminds me of a time, some thirty years ago, when I used to bang young chicks on the semi-reg. I once hooked up with a manic-depressant grocery clerk who talked non-stop even during intercourse. She insisted on being on top and would shake her hips like a rapid-fire ferret on a meth buzz, all the while making small talk and shouting obscenities. She used to work my nut sack like Charles Bronson.
.
Good times.
.
16
^metaphorically of course.
I detect a whiff of mutiny in the air.
Our Administrator seems to be engaging in subtle, psychological manipulation. He buries each new post below the odious top one which is tantamount to dry-waterboarding.
I’m sure he’s somewhere laughing as we are forced, in anguish and shame, to attempt complex mathematical equations for the simple privilege of commenting.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday Haiku?
Forbid it Almighty God!
.
I’m reporting this shit to DB1.
.
20
Oh yeah. Sacramento? I cry Bullshit!!
Right now he’s hailing a taxi at LAX on his way to Santa Anita to watch him some Breeder’s Cup live porn action.
.
Damn Him!
.
20 again
Happy accident
27
The older I get the more I revel in past sexual conquests. Somewheres around 1990 I was at the local car wash in the early afternoon and there was only one other car in line, a new Lexus and the driver was a hot business woman who at the time had to be about 15 years older than my late 20s.
.
We made some small talk, she asked me what I did, I returned the question, she told me she was in between appointments, I made a comment that I wished I was her next appointment, she asked me where I lived – 3-minutes away – and the next thing I know I’m balls deep and sure enough she missed the rest of her appointments.
.
This was before cell phones so she asked to use my phone to call her office and I told her the only way I’d let her was if I could fuck her while she was on the phone. Of course she acquiesced….
.
She left the next morning, but came back that Friday afternoon and didn’t leave til Sunday night…
DW above has a great haiku tag line: “Asking for a friend”
Should see how many haikukuku’s we can make a la ‘asking for a friend’
I like that idea…what’s 7 + 4? Asking for a friend…
I asked for a friend
Once. Her Flaming Lips caused
My nose Gin Blossoms.
.
11
Banging Sis-in-law
What’s the worst that can happen?
Asking for a friend…
http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2014-10/uom-sfa103014.php
.
Are you a sexual deviant?
Hot’s adams apple
pretty big; any worries?
Asking for a friend
Can you get Hep C
from felching Vegas escorts?
Asking for a friend
Are sex offenders
barred from Halloween parties?
Asking for a friend
Is Preemptive ‘ku
Like Pro-bio colon pills?
Asking for Rev Chad
I bought a cow to
Clog my colon. Black Angus.
Asking for a friend.
A farmer disliked
The value I put on his.
Asking for a friend.
Land. Said I was rude
Stoned, drunk and poorly dressed. I
Asking for a friend.
.
24
Hate being told I
Am poorly dressed and late. I’m
Asking for a friend.
.
7
100
Is it cool to give
Candy out from my pocket?
Asking for a friend?
.
26
O. M. G. it’s the
Children of the Kandy Korn!
Day of the Dead next
.
20
Do Trick-or-Treaters
Run Away from grumpy Dudes?
Asking for a friend?
.
15
She says she’s 18
And can keep secret. Should I?
Asking for a friend…
Hand job from Tranny
Does it make guy a homo?
Asking for a friend…
What if one wanted
To hate fuck/maim Lisa Ling.
Asking for a friend..12
Anybody here
Ever hear of Jian Ghomeshi?
Asking for a perv.
.
7
Fantasies about
Dwarf amputees. Is that wrong?
Asking for a friend…
.
11
Have you ever watched
MilkyEnema.com?
Asking for a friend…
.
http://fck-c01.empflix.com/dev1/0/004/679/0004679436.mp4?key=e472140ec9079d899beb0be97c56457b&src=emp&hd=1&domain=emp480p&seek=range
Link is fucked Douchey
But does this give a Renob.
Asking for a friend?
.
http://www.redtube.com/6035
Is it wrong to get
Married to another dude
In Egypt. DAm straight.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMPhcV6uJNE
.
16
^ After the townsfolk found about it, these two were…
………..STOOOOOONED!!!!!!!!!!!
.
15
HA^
.
This one one’s for DW.
.
http://myzone.verticallabs.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Cameron.jpg
http://www.redtube.com/519919
Yo I gots nothing
To do with the math questions;
Don’t even know math…
.
16?
Rev Chad is on a two-week sabbatical to finish his thesii.
.
Week One: Get drunk and stoned as fuck on the Afghooey and quarts of Quebec small-batch beer. (Only hipsters call em microbrews, and Eastern elites.
.
Week Two: Copy>Paste>A few new thoughts>Copy>Paste.
.
Speaking of booze, this once may smell like poon given the name.
.
http://www.belghbrasse.com/products/?lang=en
I have a question:
.
How can a woman as fuccen incredible looking as THIS exist. My GAWD
.
.
fuccen 14
^I’d like to bite her Pussycunt and stick my tongue up her fuckhole and ass flesh star.
.
Stoooooooooned.
I’d like to bite her ass flesh star, stick my tongue up her fuckhole and take her Pussycunt out to dinner. At like, In ‘n Out Burger and such. Son
.
She is the perfect specimen of the female form, gonna need to up my internet stalk game to find out more……..
http://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAgQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.more.com%2Fnews%2Fwomens-issues%2Flori-loughlin-her-style-hits-and-misses&ei=eNtaVOGDMND1iQL–4CYBA&psig=AFQjCNF_EeiQmDr9HAlxl9kPd_C1fWVN-g&ust=1415326968850290
.
245.
.
I can’t work under these conditions.