Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Honorary Douchebags of the Month: People Who Use the term “Jump the Shark”

Also those who use “nuke the fridge,” “I know, right?” and the most odious of recent linguistic hipsterisms, referring to red haired people as “Gingers.”

Enough, people.

Don’t make me bring back “have some.”

Honorary Douchebags of the Month: People Who Use the term "Jump the Shark"

Also those who use “nuke the fridge,” “I know, right?” and the most odious of recent linguistic hipsterisms, referring to red haired people as “Gingers.”

Enough, people.

Don’t make me bring back “have some.”

Friday Thoughts and Links

Today’s Friday finds your humble narrator hopped up on pixie stick sugar, only semi alcoholized, and dreaming of pensive marshmallow skies with floating boobies uponst their softness.

Yesterday I did the Adam Carolla podcast, and it should be going live in the next few weeks, so stay tuned for that.

As to last week’s vote for the Hall of Hott, there was simply too much disagreement, and I’ve ruled that all three did not make it. No, not even Brenda. It was a surprising vote, but the ‘bag hunters have spoken. And so we move on. Sadly. But Brenda is still in the running for a 2010 Douchie Award, so fear not.

Here’s your links:

As Jay Mohr’s career fades, his doucheyness rises.

Ten year old boy pulled out of school for looking like a douche.

Hot Chick with Elmobag.

Simply watching YouTube sensation Zuzana workout will exhaust you in 15 minutes, 30-45 seconds, depending on how many oysters you ate.

My latest Semitic brunette librarian hott obsession, the perfection of Israeli model Gal Gadot. More Gal. Gal Hott. Gal Uberhott. She makes my loins weep for the bleakness of a godless and cruel universe and humpty pillow gnaw as temporary salve.

This site gives HCwDB a nice shout out. Much obliged, fellow hunters.

In France, eagle-eyed reader Cary snaps a pasty shop that may or may not be run by Hall of Scrote legend Cro ‘Bagnon.

And over in Germany, the douches go for walks in their underwear.

Speaking of Germany, lets take a moment to mock the Hitlerbag. Chinpubes go on the upper lip, asswipe.

Okay, after Pumpito, I owe you double pear today. And I will not disappoint.

First up: Veranda Pear. As she contemplates the economic limitations of her third world region, we contemplate butt chomp.

And finally, because you’ve earned it, the long anticipated:

City Pear.

Cheeks that could crush wallnuts.

Go forth. Go forth and mock. And go forth and chomp. But, most importantly, tease someone with a faux.

Ask DB1: Whither Chris Cornell of Soundgarden?

—-

Hi DB1,

Wes

—-

While we frequently employ the patented “Rockstar Leniency Rule” to allow for some performative douchery in service of on-stage spectacle, it’s hard to excuse the early 90s grunge-clowns using this rule.

RLR is mainly to give musicians like Keith Richards or Jack White the right to wear flamboyant, if at times douchey, clothing, since part of their performance relies on spectacle.

It does not, however, excuse that hair. Cornell is a douche.

They Are Seeking a Female to Have a Threesome With

Reader Anneke tags this librarian hottie/puddy douchey personal ad:

—-

About me: This is actually a profile for me and my girlfriend together. We are seeking a female to have a threesome with. We are amazing people and hope to find someone equally amazing :).

I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours

—-

Interestingly, after reading this profile, I’m now pessimistic about life.

Friday Haiku

oh Catholic douche

areolae are ignored

so penance is due

— Colossus of Choads

Marcus tries to stand

But gravity field near boobs

Slowly pulls him in

— Mr. White

Swiss Alps inviting,

Dieter stays behind his Wall,

longs for a bratwurst

— Wheezer

Glandular chest puffs

Milky orbs of boob delight

30 PSI

— Vin Douchal

Ben struggles to walk

with his elephantitis

As Jen laughs at size

— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt

Douchie drinks Grey Goose

Janets jublees in danger

vomit eminent

— Scrotediddilyumptious

Fleshy milkmakers.

Jan’s boobs give rise to nethers.

Gravy boat betwixt.

— Amerigo Vesdouchey

Pumpito

Vezi Cocalarus retardus pe

It’s about time we gave this legendary international ubersquat a moniker, since he’s appeared on the site before.

I dub thee… Pumpito.

WARNING: No ladies to counterbalance the eye-melting pain of pumpito. This is pure, uncut, 100% douche. View at your own risk. HCwDB takes no legal responsiblity for injuries, either self inflicted or caused, by viewing this clip.

After viewing, click here.

EDIT: dbBen suggests a dose of Librarian Hott to soothe the pain, and I’m in complete agreement.

Uncle Jimmy Cuts Loose

I almost wanna give Uncle Jimmy a nottadouche and a goinpeace.

Since the work release program, Uncle Jimmy works hard at Rite-Aid. The pay sucks. And his manager is an angry shrew named Lola who cuts his breaks short by five minutes and refuses to give him the promotion to “Jr. Manager.”

So if Uncle Jimmy wants to cut loose on a Saturday and bust his finest silk black Yankee Cap and peace sign, while rubbing up on Helene, can we really call douche? I say no. Go in Peace, Jimmy.

Mmmm… Helene. Party Girl Helene. You are dirty sexy money, humpity arm spasm delight. Your boobs could cause an Arctic seal to slap a penguin and demand more floe space.

Caption This Pic

Joey had been lecturing for years at various Ballys Fitness Centers on the dangers of the rare but disfiguring arm toxin known as “Stairmaster gangrene,” but Kelly seemed particularly moved by his plight.

Swifferhead Endorses Affliction

Affliction, a subsidiary of Christian Audigier’s Douchewear Inc., has landed the coveted Swifferhead endorsement, after six months of negotiations.

Swifferhead released the following statement:

“When I bite blonde skull, nothing comes between me and my Affliction.”

Yeah, I got nothing this morning. More to the point, trying to determine if Susan here is one of the hott/nott ladies, where it depends on the angle. Hott? Nott? Hard to tell. So instead, I’ll eat a HoHo.