Monday, April 5, 2010
Swifferhead Contemplates a Life Change
I’m gonna take down that Broseph pic on account of a lack of hott. We gotta have some standards around here, even if I get the chance to make my always enjoyable Andrew Lloyd Webber references.
Instead, here’s HCwDB legend Swifferhead . The Swiff has spent many a lonely night chasing the hott gnawables through clubs, hoping to attract them with the power of hair spike.
But, deep down, he just wants a hug.
Which is why Swifferhead is considering giving up this shallow lifestyle in search of more meaningful pursuits. Like teaching scuba diving in Tampa. Where his cousin has a place he can totally crash at.
If this guy tried teaching scuba diving he’d wind up with Captain Sam Quint’s speargun lancing his scapula.
“Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him…”
I think Swifferhead would have a rewarding career training Killer Whales. By imitating bobbleheads. With his hair at full spike.
.
Too soon?
Now that’s better. Blondie is totally my type. You know, breathing.
Yep. Nottadouche.
–
I am fairly certain that during the day he is a resident podiatrist who nurtures and enriches the lives of humans everywhere in his community. He donates a healthy portion of his salary to formidable causes around the globe, recycles, composes an eclectic mix of jazz and blues on his Steinway, and is on a first name basis with the current Poet Laureat of Britain.
–
–
–
–
–
–
… just kiddin’, he a douche.
She looks to be about 8 different flavors of innocent. Which makes it so much more righteous, my urges to put him into a paper shredder hair-first.
I ate and I ate and I ate and I’m still hungry.
His ruled sideburns makes me want to practice my cursive arc welding.
Little Blondina led a sheltered life in Klaipeida, Lithuania. Her parents should never have let her apply for that student visa.
Oh, you dirty little minx! Putting that longneck right smack dab in the middle of your cleavite. You are begging for that pearl necklace, aren’t you? Hold on while I ram that shithead next to you into a large masonry saw.
.
.
That’s better. Now come with me, my little princess. FD&D will take care of you.
And I thought he’d be following Ricky Martin’s example, or perhaps South Park: Swiffer, come out of that closet!
Another blonde with her roots dyed brown. Will they never learn?
I think there’s a reef fish called the stripe-jawed swifferhead, if memory serves. So that Tampa gig might just fit nicely.
Speaking of nice fits, I like her bottle tuck. But Wedgie’s Blue-Veined Throbber Fish would fit even better. Since we’re going with underwater themes today.
If you were to pass a bar-code reader over Swiffer’s sideburns, it would read “bananas-$1.99.”
–
If you were to pass my penis over Sweet Blondies boobies it would say, “Aye, Curumbaaaaa!!!!”
–
–
–
(For reasons I’ve yet to explain, my penis speaks Spanish with a Brazilian dialect.)
I’ll give you a hug, Swifferhead.
With hedge trimmers.
The Swiffster is really sweeping up the hotties these days.
I pooped on the floor. Try to clean that up swiffer head.
How do I get my photo put back in the little fuccen square?
I think he fell asleep on the grill.
Swifferhead might do best as a modern Fuller Brush salesman.
Just sayin’.
Resident architects, correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t Swifftard have one of those drafting brushes glued to his head? You know, to brush off those annoying eraser crumbs back when people rendered with pencils n shit. Otherwise he’s just one of the many tools utilized by Xenu to apply mascara to his anal pubes. I dunno…
@Baleen
Pencils? Erasers?
I have no idea what you are talking about. DarkSock might, since he was born back in the Paleodraftnic Age.
I was privileged to be born in the CADDacious Age… which is comonly mistaken with the Gaseous Age that those such as The Swiffer are responsible for.
Swiffer’s head brush makes me want to practice my thermal lancing.
–
because Boatbutter had me at “cursive arc welding”.
–
okay there’s not as much skill involved in lancing compared to welding, but there are more sparks. and more sparks are a good thing for Swifferhead. i swear it is.
I gotta job for Swifferhead. I can use him to clean the bore of my new SKS rifle. Soak him in Hoppes #9 or some BreakFree and I’m sure all the shit in the barrel will come right out. And then as an added bonus, I’ll just hold a match to him and “WOOF” he’ll be gone.
To funny i have never even heard of this site, i like this pic though 🙂