Monday, April 5, 2010

Swifferhead Contemplates a Life Change

I’m gonna take down that Broseph pic on account of a lack of hott. We gotta have some standards around here, even if I get the chance to make my always enjoyable Andrew Lloyd Webber references.

Instead, here’s HCwDB legend Swifferhead . The Swiff has spent many a lonely night chasing the hott gnawables through clubs, hoping to attract them with the power of hair spike.

But, deep down, he just wants a hug.

Which is why Swifferhead is considering giving up this shallow lifestyle in search of more meaningful pursuits. Like teaching scuba diving in Tampa. Where his cousin has a place he can totally crash at.

# posted by douchebag1
2:03 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

If this guy tried teaching scuba diving he’d wind up with Captain Sam Quint’s speargun lancing his scapula.

“Back home we got a taxidermy man. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him…”

2:04 pm April, 5 DarkSock said...

I think Swifferhead would have a rewarding career training Killer Whales. By imitating bobbleheads. With his hair at full spike.

.

Too soon?

2:06 pm April, 5 clam fist said...

Now that’s better. Blondie is totally my type. You know, breathing.

2:08 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

Yep. Nottadouche.

I am fairly certain that during the day he is a resident podiatrist who nurtures and enriches the lives of humans everywhere in his community. He donates a healthy portion of his salary to formidable causes around the globe, recycles, composes an eclectic mix of jazz and blues on his Steinway, and is on a first name basis with the current Poet Laureat of Britain.

… just kiddin’, he a douche.

2:11 pm April, 5 Deltus said...

She looks to be about 8 different flavors of innocent. Which makes it so much more righteous, my urges to put him into a paper shredder hair-first.

2:12 pm April, 5 massengill said...

I ate and I ate and I ate and I’m still hungry.

2:15 pm April, 5 boatbutter said...

His ruled sideburns makes me want to practice my cursive arc welding.

2:15 pm April, 5 El Caganer said...

Little Blondina led a sheltered life in Klaipeida, Lithuania. Her parents should never have let her apply for that student visa.

2:21 pm April, 5 Fat, Drunk, and Douchey said...

Oh, you dirty little minx! Putting that longneck right smack dab in the middle of your cleavite. You are begging for that pearl necklace, aren’t you? Hold on while I ram that shithead next to you into a large masonry saw.

.

.

That’s better. Now come with me, my little princess. FD&D will take care of you.

3:18 pm April, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

And I thought he’d be following Ricky Martin’s example, or perhaps South Park: Swiffer, come out of that closet!

3:19 pm April, 5 Wedgie said...

Another blonde with her roots dyed brown. Will they never learn?

I think there’s a reef fish called the stripe-jawed swifferhead, if memory serves. So that Tampa gig might just fit nicely.

Speaking of nice fits, I like her bottle tuck. But Wedgie’s Blue-Veined Throbber Fish would fit even better. Since we’re going with underwater themes today.

4:10 pm April, 5 scrotum pole said...

If you were to pass a bar-code reader over Swiffer’s sideburns, it would read “bananas-$1.99.”

If you were to pass my penis over Sweet Blondies boobies it would say, “Aye, Curumbaaaaa!!!!”

(For reasons I’ve yet to explain, my penis speaks Spanish with a Brazilian dialect.)

4:50 pm April, 5 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’ll give you a hug, Swifferhead.

With hedge trimmers.

5:03 pm April, 5 Southern Scrotic said...

The Swiffster is really sweeping up the hotties these days.

5:06 pm April, 5 El Caganer said...

I pooped on the floor. Try to clean that up swiffer head.

5:49 pm April, 5 Wedgie said...

How do I get my photo put back in the little fuccen square?

6:18 pm April, 5 abdouchah the butcher said...

I think he fell asleep on the grill.

8:13 pm April, 5 Whoop-di-douche said...

Swifferhead might do best as a modern Fuller Brush salesman.

Just sayin’.

10:08 pm April, 5 Baleen said...

Resident architects, correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t Swifftard have one of those drafting brushes glued to his head? You know, to brush off those annoying eraser crumbs back when people rendered with pencils n shit. Otherwise he’s just one of the many tools utilized by Xenu to apply mascara to his anal pubes. I dunno…

11:07 pm April, 5 Crucial Head said...

@Baleen

Pencils? Erasers?

I have no idea what you are talking about. DarkSock might, since he was born back in the Paleodraftnic Age.

I was privileged to be born in the CADDacious Age… which is comonly mistaken with the Gaseous Age that those such as The Swiffer are responsible for.

12:53 am April, 6 Steve L. said...

Swiffer’s head brush makes me want to practice my thermal lancing.

because Boatbutter had me at “cursive arc welding”.

okay there’s not as much skill involved in lancing compared to welding, but there are more sparks. and more sparks are a good thing for Swifferhead. i swear it is.

8:23 am April, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I gotta job for Swifferhead. I can use him to clean the bore of my new SKS rifle. Soak him in Hoppes #9 or some BreakFree and I’m sure all the shit in the barrel will come right out. And then as an added bonus, I’ll just hold a match to him and “WOOF” he’ll be gone.

6:54 pm April, 10 Blonde said...

To funny i have never even heard of this site, i like this pic though 🙂

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