Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

‘Ey! Morty Says “How You Doin?”

Morty doin’ fine!!

Chewbacca is a Gaaahhhhrrrggghh!

Well here’s something you don’t see every day.

Anonymous Jawa responds to Chewie’s display with classic “Ooo Tee Dee.”

Ooo Tee Dee indeed, Anonymous Jawa.

Ooo Tee Dee indeed.

Manny Pukeindrink

There are a number of ways to get Whitney’s attention at the bar.

This is one of them.

Honorary Douchebag of the Month: The Weinerbag

Ya know, I would almost be forgiving of the Congressman’s online genitalia pics simply for busting the best Jewfro I’ve seen since my best friend Benji’s Bar Mitzvah in 1987.

But we gotta have standards around here. And The Weiner Story is well deserving.

Sending pictures of his python to ladies online is autobag.

I have no idea in what world men think women want to see pictures of their package. Most girls respond with a resigned sigh and a bored, vacant look. I mean, so I’ve been told.

Here’s your Douchebag of the Month award, Weiner. Now if you’re smart, you’ll get a job promoting Viagra like Dole did.

Brothabag Anthony Macks on Cleo

For people who think I’m too easy on the Brothabags, what with me giving a nottadouche and a goinpeace to Yamo Been There last week, here’s some classic Brothabag hitting on Cleo Mocha Hott goodness/badness for your Tuesday perusal.

Brothabag Anthony is all that is 80s El Debargian creepiness.

Cleo Mocha Hott stirs the swizzle stick with Mayan Eye of Coitus.

Together, they dance to techno.

Martin, The Douchiest Slacker This Side of the Mississippi

Somewhere, a far way away in Mississippi, a trailer is missing its douchebag.

Jimmy’s Stupid Lips

Still out there.

Still as creepy as a bunch of hungry South Carolina catfish.

‘Ey! Who Wins at The Game of Life? Thissguy!!

Morty Wins, everybody!!

Morty wins!!

Party Guy Juan

Party Guy Juan approves of the HCwDB of the Week winning choice so much, he’s giving us the double point.

I see you, and I see your shy pearly lickable hott smile, Brunette Lauren on the left.

Your coy giggles and embarrassment from burping loudly after I take you to In-n-Out Burger on our third date are adorable, and make me awkwardly stare at your exposed knee from under your skirt, where a dollop of ketchup from a rogue fry has landed softly. I want to lick it. And so I do. And so you call a cab. And our night on Sunset ends with me walking over to drink a few Blue Moons at the Happy Ending Bar and bitching about life to a bored bartender hottie named Mona.

HCwDB of the Week: Clifford The Big Red ‘Bag

While Emperor Hairoheato and the ubergnaw Stephanie gave Clifford and the Tonya Twins a run for the Money, in the end inflated red douchery with two sexy sweet, if pouty, twins from Hibbing, Minnesota, was too much to overcome.

Simply put, way too tight jorts, stupid mandana, and douche-face in presence of brunettes is a winner (loser).

And anyone who claims irono-baggery, think again. You don’t wear too tight jorts like that on a whim. That is learned douchery. And thus, a worthy mock.

Additional noteworthy pics last week included Krista’s Poor College Life Choices for offering tasty collegiate suckle thigh, and the surreal, Guggenheim Show inclusive Douchebags on Boats, both of which may be in the running for 2011 Douchie Awards.

But this was Clifford ‘Bag’s week to horrify the masses through sperm-altering groin tightness and red nips. And both of the Tonya Sisters are gracefully moving into “Sexy Young Mom” territory, and are to be celebrated as such.

Together, they make a worthy Weekly winner as we build towards the next Monthly in a few weeks.