Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Douchebags on Boats
This pic of unholy toxic boatbaggery in presence of hottie continues our growing inventory of photographic evidence that forces us to consider that most profound of questions:
Does the douchebag like to hang on a boat with bikini hotties?
Or does hanging on a boat with bikini hotties turn one douchey?
Faux douchebag, drinking Don Julio. Real bags choose Patron.
Fag.
DB1 has found a new addition to the most mind-boggling philosophical questions ever asked. Here they are….
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Does the douchebag like to hang on a boat with bikini hotties? Or does hanging on a boat with bikini hotties turn one douchey?
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Why is there something rather than nothing? – Heidegger
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How should I live? What life or ideal should I live or die for? – Kierkegaard
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Prove to me that you are not figments of my imagination. – Solipsist.
I just think that having a large, open air toilet in the middle of the boat makes it that much classier. At least the douche on the left is either drunk enough of conscious enough to step into it. “I douche, therefore I am poo!”
I suppose that there is some hope that the large wake they are about to cut across at the wrong angle will throw all three of them overboard, but that is tempered by the chick on the extreme right milking her right armpit.
Head shave douche must like tan lines- socks, watch, and sunglasses au doucheral. What a taint…
I’m gonna go with douchebags like to hang on boats with bikini’d hotties. I’m sure there’s some documented cases of non-douches hanging on boats with bikini’d hotties somewhere so that would negate the second hypothesis that hanging on boats with bikini’d hotties turns one douchey. Our very own Creature admitted to using boats as a way to lure the ladies to experience his motion in the ocean. So in a sense if you are calling Creature a douchebag if you agree with the second hypothesis. Rules is rules.
And you just know this is what they’re listening to.
I’ve not had good luck with boating and women. And by women I mean land masses that are not visible at midnight to speeding boaters.
Son.
Wait, what?
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Yeah, that’s better.
/me hopes for a tsunami. Better yet, a Kraken. Or a whole school of Kraken. Or trident wielding shark-men riding a school of Kraken.
Meanwhile…That horse herpes outbreak is just on the west coast, right? And it’s not trans-species…right?
^ Is it still safe to pee in their butts? A friend of a friend needs to know rather urgently.
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I don’t want to know what is going on with the purple girl and the purple horse. I hope one of them has condom on.
@DarkSock, so far its only on the West Coast. But I heard you could get it by reading any of the “Black Stallion” series in or within 5 feet of a restroom.
There is something both oddly disturbing and oddly expected that EHV1 was first detected in Ogden, Utah…
All I have to say is thank jebus its June 1st and I can finally put away my parka and boots and possibly get on a boat to mock the douche / bleeth.
Their armpits smell like selenium. Their breath: onions, cherry lip balm, beer burps and fail.
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You can contract horse herpes from sitting on a barstool in the Bleacher Bar at Fenway Park. Fact.
@Dr. Bunsen
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Ernie and Bert. Ha.Ha.
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But the second one with the hard teen girls who have never so much as frowned in their lives has given me cause to scramble for erection camoflage as I head to the bus stop.
Glutton for punishment that I no doubt am I switched on Jersey Shore again last night as a weird form of background muse while doing other stuff around the house. In one scene the “The Situation” and crew boarded a boat, the ss forggeddaboudit or something, and motored downstream to unite with a flotilla of similarly named vessels all packed to the gunwales with a wide variety of knave and scullion-type seafaring douche.
Now I’m no boat person, and even though my home town of Sydney does have a very nice harbour with several extended tributaries and waterways that provide an excellent backdrop for aquatic activities, I prefer to surf rather than boat. However my idea of boating is mostly one where solitude and communion with nature is the preferred destination. Not rocking-up to a corner of a river only to tether the vessel alongside numerous other vessels like some douche inspired marina and, “like partying, man!” But, hey, that’s me…
Also, there’s something about “The SItuation” that is very suspect. By which I mean he has quite the gay face. Not that there’s anything wrong with that and all.
You can get horse herpes from a toilet seat that has been used by an infected horse. Medical fact.
^Dude, seriously. You have a problem. Unplug your TV. Hahahaha @ the SS Forgeddabouttit though.
I meant that for tallguy. But I’m sure you have a problem too McCrudeshoes. And I’m pretty sure its horse herpes.
@tall guy, track down the Shituation on Dancing With The Stars last season. All questions answered.
^ Forgedd about tit? Sign me up for one. Nah, make it a pair.
That was @Nancy and @Tallguy. Whoever has the forged tits.
Chief, do you have a firing solution?
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Aye, skipper.
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Launch torpedoes. We’ll pick up any surviving hotts…
Being rich and being able to afford a boat attracts the hotts who enjoy the easy life. But getting rich means one gets no real life experience, and so purchases the appearance of street-cred with douchecessories.
@McCrudeshoes, I’m using forged tits to describe fake ones from now on. You may have the horse herp but you’ve also go mad wordsmithing skills.
@Nancy: I look forward to a tour of the tit forgery. Get ’em hot, work ’em hard, and bang ’em ’til they glow.
Hanging out on a boat with chicks does NOT make one autodouche. Being a chick on a boat with a dude does not equal bleeth. Observe.
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That’s right. These two get on a boat, he wrestles FUCKING ALLIGATORS AND SHE SHOOTS THEM IN THE FUCKING HEAD. And then they drag it into the boat and sell it to people who make suitcases. HOLY FUCCEN SHIT. Pussies like the ones in this pic give dudes and chicks in boats a bad name by being a useless, resource-wasting spectacle. If anyone deserves a stiff drink on a boat, it’s a dude who just put a gator in a choke hold. At least that’s my opinion.
The only thing that could make this picture better would of been if he of the DarkSock crashed into it in one of his Ambien/Makers Mark fueled boating incidents.
^^May the gators take them all.
Yes, gators,one shot to the quarter-sized spot. “Choot ’em,choot ’em”.
as my drill sgt used to say,’IT AINT GAY NLESS UR KISSN!, choadster and pudwinkle are def bags regardless of boat, however, i’ve yet to see one of them hookin a marlin!
I think teh problem with boat baggery is the white leather seats. Real douches know that white leather should be made into belts and shoes.
I think we should make a “Douchebags on Boats” category.
^Medusa, great way to force perspective, as you say.
I’d love to see Pumpin’ and other DBs wrestle an alligator.
and wow, that asshole is wearing socks in the summer on a boat.
I remember Peaches. He knew how to give the perfect point.
Wow, another Guggenheim entry, great composition, color and clarity.
His surfer shorts remind me of a wall of multicolored glass tiles in a display kitchen at Lowe’s.
And I always appreciate a cantilevered elbow jutting out from the side. It adds so much to the picture.
Score one for the bikini-hott and shaved-head-i-o.