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Thursday, April 26, 2012
Keyser Shmoeze
And like that… he was a douche.
Thursday, April 26, 2012Moobs n' Boobs
No, you see Tommy, the way it works is we *want* to see Alyssa’s Cleavite. For she offers twin snack cakes of delightful mastication and future baby feeding agility.
Your cleavite just smells like Old Spice and semi-employment at the Snappy Snack Shack. One in every state.
To celebrate Alyssa’s round mound quality, my goal today is to eat twelve Twinkies.
Why?
Because if Twinkies are going out of business, I’mma go out of business with them.
Thursday, April 26, 2012Reader Mail: Someone Named Cream
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Dear douchebag1,
At first I wasn’t sure whether the douche was strong enough, as there was merely smug doucheface, finger point and sunglasses at night, in the presence of raven haired, olive skinned hott.
I persisted and followed the trail, stumbling across sunglasses in dimly lit bar, neck bling, and a virtual eyetrap of finger point.
The cherry on the cake comes in discovering that middle douche is none other than USA RAP STAR CREAM, made famous by this video cobbled together of clips from actual famous people’s videos.
– Docile
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Nothing says “rap star” like 263 views on Youtube.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012"Ayyyyy" Guy Pays More Attention to the Camera Than the Garbunza Boings
And by Garbunza Boings, I mean soft poochy pooch dreamland bouncy luftwaffles that caress the night sky with the faintest of perfume and jiggle jello promise of a better tomorrow and a more hopeful future of butt pinch slapper slapp cute puppy humpty hump. Boobs.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012Reader Mail: Bree Olson 'Bag
Luke writes in with a first person tag and a quality email rant:
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Hi there DB1, hope you are well.
Too bad this twat walked in front of me, or I would have an epic hot chick with douche bag for you; Bree Olson with some random European tourist in Times Square. He was simply your basic Euro Bag, but the shit eating grin on his face was an order of magnitude above average.
By the way, never heard of the Boob Bus. I bet they sell stolen fake tits you can attach to Real Dolls or lifted flesh-lights out of the back in Wal*Mart parking lots to unsuspecting hicky morons in Alabama.
All the best,
Luke
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Ah yes, legendary Charlie Sheen “godess” Bree Olson, she of the inspirational Friday Haiku of 2011. HCwDB in porn is industry standard. But a quality tag is always appreciated Good work, Luke.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012Jesus Bling and Poolbags
Kids kids kids, don’t you know that this is how pregnancy starts?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012White Suit Wally Brings His A-Game
Ya know, normally pencil-thin facial pubes would be enough to mark ‘bag, but I’m feeling happy for White Suit Wally. It’s not everyone who has the courage to ask out Shy Sue from H.R. to the office party.
Good on you, WSW.
Have a nottadouche and a straight razor to clean up before work on Monday.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012Moaz Has High Hair
Moaz says, “bindle bindle bindle bindle… FWEEEE!!”
Do not ask Moaz what that means.
For Moaz is now distracted by shiny coaster on bar.
Meanwhile Stacey offers rare Double Mayan Eye of Coitus.
Say “thank you Stacey.”
Okay good.
Now pass Moaz the mixed nuts bowl. Moaz is hungry.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012Bishop to E7
Bishop takes dignity.
Boobmate.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012Kelly Calls a Cab
When the dudes from the Sheboygen Yacht Club get a little too much into the totally hetero affectionate bro time (no homo) ™ , Kelly’s out.
