Best Haiku: Darksock
idfma hands out the Douchie Award for best Haiku, accompanying this porny pic of speedoschlong and Sheen-chick:
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As everyone knows the Haiku is originally a Japanese form of poetry characterized in English as 17 syllables arranged in three lines: 5-7-5. What you might not know is that one of Haiku’s earliest masters—before it was even officially known as ‘haiku’ used it to warn us against douchebags.
During the 1600’s Matsuo Bashō, wrote the following lines:
the first cold shower
even the monkey seems to want
a little coat of straw
As you can plainly see, Bashō anticipated our application of Haiku here at HCwDB.
I chose the Haiku of the year based on two things: best imagery coupled with best funniness. Darksock wins. For those of you who think it was rigged, it is — he held me out of a window by my ankles and threatened to drop me 2 stories, if I didn’t give him the prize, so here it is:
His pink dong-sling-bling:
So horrific, his asshole
Flees to beige hut’s wall
Darksock opens the haiku every Friday for a reason, and it’s because his are some of the best.
The runner up: Claude Douchenburg from May 20, 2011.
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Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
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Claude only threatened my family, so he was merely a runner up.
And last, the guy who didn’t threaten me at all, but came up with some funny sh*t, Douche Wayne on August 26, 2011 captures what it is we are always mocking and fighting against here—those who:
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Search and destroy all:
Taste style decency tact thought
Job almost complete.
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As with all the awards, this is not to say I didn’t pass over many great haikus—these were just the best in my humble estimation. Thanks to DB1 for giving me the opportunity to hand out a douchie.
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Dark Sock is a funny fucker Ayight. The Hemporer of Haiku. The Ra of Rhyme. The Sultan of Syntax. The Architect of RocknRolla?
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To celibrate Dark Socks win, another of this year’s deceased comes to us from Biloxi, Mississippi. We done almost covered the globe with this telethon.
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Give us the business Gerry Rafferty.
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And just in a surpise performance by one of Dark Sock’s band members and fellow Haiku master in honor of the win.
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Take it away Chinkyboy.
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Must take a long time
Searching through all the haikus
A job very well done!
This douchebag, Pink Sock
has acquired a lot of beads.
Should be called Short Sock
My hat goes off to
Anyone who can do a
Decent haiku. Yay!
DarkSock has achieved Tarmal status with his haikus.
What happens to it
When he goes in the water?
Shrinkage, Costanza?
Perhaps this is my Peeniest Peen pic as well. Well, Alls I got to say is his peen is so big his balls need twice daily blood transfusions just to stay alive.
His peen is so big its in a boy band with four other big dicks.
His peen is so big Al Gore invented it.
Rev’s vid’s sometimes cool
Sometimes forgets the legends
That created rock:
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His peen is so big that he looks like its dick in front of it.
His peen is so big if he whips it out and it casts a shadow we have winter for four years straight.
His peen is so big its already fucking a girl tommorow.
I get it now, I always thought these memes were stupid, but this IS fun.
Jerry Reed guitar
Elvis Presley – Guitar Man
Badass-ed pickin’
Gah! “ Elvis Presley – Guitar Man
His peen is so big I would have to take a two week vacation to blow him.
His peen is so big if he ever got crabs they would have to use one of those bug bomb tents to treat it.
His peen is so big it got me to start a meme about it.
His peen is so big its Father-Son-and-HolyGhost sized.
Well, I guess I’ll mention it since no one else has. The chicks bottom looks like it’s falling off. This WOULD be fapworthy, but this peen wearing such a revealing bathing suit in NEON PINK makes me want to grab her bikini bottom and strangle him with it.
^It’s a pretty big peen huh Steve? How big is it you ask? Well his peen is so big I came back here just to remind everyone how big it is.
Bree Olson rhymes with
Molson. I drink from bottle
And she sucks on it.
I’M FINALLY DONE!!!!!
My Comment of the Year™ piece
en route to the Boss!
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(sighs with relief, pops open whatever alcohol can be found)
Good going, Wheezy
Your Comment of the Year will
make The Dude’s day soon!
Socckpuppet FTW
Wheezer, your homework was due by December 1st. Today is the 10th. We must deduct 1% per day from your allowable maximum grade. Ouch, you can only get a 90% with a perfect score.
Slacker.
^ Dreuche – His peen is so big it doesn’t return Spielberg’s phone calls.
Her GSR is fwapp – inspiring.
^ Vin – Jerry Reed is a repost, and a damn good one.
Thanks.
Few really understand music these days.
Sorry about that, Wedgie. Thanksgiving and The Boobie Brackets derailed my train of thought, but the Boss understood.
Thanks CB, it was a pretty lonely meme until you showed up. 🙂
N.D.
“already fucking a girl tomorrow”. Classic.
Okay, I wasn’t the only one thinking, “Damn, that dude has a long dong.” On the other hand, displaying it in such a manner only makes me want to cut it off.
Damn Nancy, slow night
or what. Too much big peen talk
dream of the rev chad
idfma: nice award, just hoped I didn’t have to see the f’in pink wrapped sausage pic ever again.
Thank you, Med
Our peens are longer,
But never displayed like this,
Ridiculous thong.
I still like her and
Would shoot salty fuccen ropes,
On her GSR.
Maybe this one will entertain Vin and Wedgie.
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Upper Demographics
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I didn’t know he had alzheimer’s .Fucking Fuck you Alzheimer’s. Take your small aspirin and fish oil every morning kids. And stay away from Tanya Tucker’s nose.
Hard to believe there
is not a trashcan nearby
‘Cause, otherwise, he be down!
I think Glen Campbell just came out with a new album. BTW, I never begrudge a guy with a big cockk who likes to show it off. After all, bleeths do it all the time with their racks. That being said, this guy is a douche.
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When guys with big cokks
Show off their tool in pink thong
The Regs cry, “Douchebag!”
THANK YOU, Mr. Insufficient Data For Meaningful Answer (my best guess for what “idfma” stands for). I am touched. And a little scared. Because I don’t recall writing that fucked up haiku at all.
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Ambien™ is a hell of a drug.
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Glenn Campbell did just release a rather poignant album made with the help of a lot of good friends and fellow entertainers. In the RS interview he didn’t even remember making it.
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Alzies.
I forgot the words to Galveston. So thanks for reminding me. Wait, what was I asking you?
Glenn’s album must be quite repoignant.
I may have Alzheimers, but at least I don’t have Alzheimers. And by “Alzheimers” I mean Reverend Chad Kroeger.
Damn…and I totally had him winning “Best Matching Cup and Banana Hammock” too.
Back to the drawing board….
Dark Sock’s mother has been watching the Douchies and wanted to chime in from her seat.
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