Saturday, December 10, 2011

Best Haiku: Darksock

idfma hands out the Douchie Award for best Haiku, accompanying this porny pic of speedoschlong and Sheen-chick:

——
As everyone knows the Haiku is originally a Japanese form of poetry characterized in English as 17 syllables arranged in three lines: 5-7-5. What you might not know is that one of Haiku’s earliest masters—before it was even officially known as ‘haiku’ used it to warn us against douchebags.

During the 1600’s Matsuo Bashō, wrote the following lines:

the first cold shower
even the monkey seems to want
a little coat of straw

As you can plainly see, Bashō anticipated our application of Haiku here at HCwDB.

I chose the Haiku of the year based on two things: best imagery coupled with best funniness. Darksock wins. For those of you who think it was rigged, it is — he held me out of a window by my ankles and threatened to drop me 2 stories, if I didn’t give him the prize, so here it is:

His pink dong-sling-bling:
So horrific, his asshole
Flees to beige hut’s wall

Darksock opens the haiku every Friday for a reason, and it’s because his are some of the best.

The runner up: Claude Douchenburg from May 20, 2011.
——
Raging neon burns
Hair on fire without flames
tuck in your shirt douche
——
Claude only threatened my family, so he was merely a runner up.

And last, the guy who didn’t threaten me at all, but came up with some funny sh*t, Douche Wayne on August 26, 2011 captures what it is we are always mocking and fighting against here—those who:

——-
Search and destroy all:
Taste style decency tact thought
Job almost complete.
——-

As with all the awards, this is not to say I didn’t pass over many great haikus—these were just the best in my humble estimation. Thanks to DB1 for giving me the opportunity to hand out a douchie.
———–

# posted by douchebag1
1:28 pm December, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock is a funny fucker Ayight. The Hemporer of Haiku. The Ra of Rhyme. The Sultan of Syntax. The Architect of RocknRolla?
.
To celibrate Dark Socks win, another of this year’s deceased comes to us from Biloxi, Mississippi. We done almost covered the globe with this telethon.
.
Give us the business Gerry Rafferty.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgQWjQZydY0&feature=related

1:37 pm December, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

And just in a surpise performance by one of Dark Sock’s band members and fellow Haiku master in honor of the win.
.
Take it away Chinkyboy.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TruIq5IxuiU&feature=related

2:07 pm December, 10 The Dude said...

Must take a long time
Searching through all the haikus
A job very well done!

2:10 pm December, 10 The Dude said...

This douchebag, Pink Sock
has acquired a lot of beads.
Should be called Short Sock

2:15 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

My hat goes off to
Anyone who can do a
Decent haiku. Yay!

DarkSock has achieved Tarmal status with his haikus.

2:24 pm December, 10 Douchble Helix said...

What happens to it
When he goes in the water?
Shrinkage, Costanza?

2:33 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

Perhaps this is my Peeniest Peen pic as well. Well, Alls I got to say is his peen is so big his balls need twice daily blood transfusions just to stay alive.

2:38 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big its in a boy band with four other big dicks.

2:39 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big Al Gore invented it.

2:39 pm December, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Rev’s vid’s sometimes cool
Sometimes forgets the legends
That created rock:
.

2:40 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big that he looks like its dick in front of it.

2:41 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big if he whips it out and it casts a shadow we have winter for four years straight.

2:43 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big its already fucking a girl tommorow.

2:44 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

I get it now, I always thought these memes were stupid, but this IS fun.

2:44 pm December, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Jerry Reed guitar
Elvis Presley – Guitar Man
Badass-ed pickin’

2:46 pm December, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Gah! “ Elvis Presley – Guitar Man

2:48 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big I would have to take a two week vacation to blow him.

2:49 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big if he ever got crabs they would have to use one of those bug bomb tents to treat it.

2:51 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big it got me to start a meme about it.

2:52 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

His peen is so big its Father-Son-and-HolyGhost sized.

3:19 pm December, 10 Steve said...

Well, I guess I’ll mention it since no one else has. The chicks bottom looks like it’s falling off. This WOULD be fapworthy, but this peen wearing such a revealing bathing suit in NEON PINK makes me want to grab her bikini bottom and strangle him with it.

3:27 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

^It’s a pretty big peen huh Steve? How big is it you ask? Well his peen is so big I came back here just to remind everyone how big it is.

3:40 pm December, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Bree Olson rhymes with
Molson. I drink from bottle
And she sucks on it.

4:03 pm December, 10 Wheezer said...

I’M FINALLY DONE!!!!!
My Comment of the Year™ piece
en route to the Boss!
.
(sighs with relief, pops open whatever alcohol can be found)

4:28 pm December, 10 The Dude said...

Good going, Wheezy
Your Comment of the Year will
make The Dude’s day soon!

4:57 pm December, 10 Wedgie said...

Socckpuppet FTW

5:13 pm December, 10 Wedgie said...

Wheezer, your homework was due by December 1st. Today is the 10th. We must deduct 1% per day from your allowable maximum grade. Ouch, you can only get a 90% with a perfect score.
Slacker.

5:55 pm December, 10 CB Popped said...

^ Dreuche – His peen is so big it doesn’t return Spielberg’s phone calls.

Her GSR is fwapp – inspiring.

5:57 pm December, 10 CB Popped said...

^ Vin – Jerry Reed is a repost, and a damn good one.

Thanks.

Few really understand music these days.

6:12 pm December, 10 Wheezer said...

Sorry about that, Wedgie. Thanksgiving and The Boobie Brackets derailed my train of thought, but the Boss understood.

6:14 pm December, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

Thanks CB, it was a pretty lonely meme until you showed up. 🙂

7:42 pm December, 10 Wedgie said...

N.D.
“already fucking a girl tomorrow”. Classic.

8:47 pm December, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Okay, I wasn’t the only one thinking, “Damn, that dude has a long dong.” On the other hand, displaying it in such a manner only makes me want to cut it off.

9:50 pm December, 10 Anonymous said...

Damn Nancy, slow night
or what. Too much big peen talk
dream of the rev chad

idfma: nice award, just hoped I didn’t have to see the f’in pink wrapped sausage pic ever again.

10:15 pm December, 10 The Dude said...

Thank you, Med

1:49 am December, 11 CB Popped said...

Our peens are longer,
But never displayed like this,
Ridiculous thong.

I still like her and
Would shoot salty fuccen ropes,
On her GSR.

4:28 am December, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Maybe this one will entertain Vin and Wedgie.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUa-zUQaDU8&feature=related
.
Upper Demographics
.
I didn’t know he had alzheimer’s .Fucking Fuck you Alzheimer’s. Take your small aspirin and fish oil every morning kids. And stay away from Tanya Tucker’s nose.

6:05 am December, 11 Douchble Helix said...

Hard to believe there
is not a trashcan nearby
‘Cause, otherwise, he be down!

6:57 am December, 11 Doucheywallnuts said...

I think Glen Campbell just came out with a new album. BTW, I never begrudge a guy with a big cockk who likes to show it off. After all, bleeths do it all the time with their racks. That being said, this guy is a douche.
.
When guys with big cokks
Show off their tool in pink thong
The Regs cry, “Douchebag!”

11:12 am December, 11 DarkSock said...

THANK YOU, Mr. Insufficient Data For Meaningful Answer (my best guess for what “idfma” stands for). I am touched. And a little scared. Because I don’t recall writing that fucked up haiku at all.
.
Ambien™ is a hell of a drug.
.
Glenn Campbell did just release a rather poignant album made with the help of a lot of good friends and fellow entertainers. In the RS interview he didn’t even remember making it.
.
.
Alzies.

12:09 pm December, 11 Wedgie said...

I forgot the words to Galveston. So thanks for reminding me. Wait, what was I asking you?

12:12 pm December, 11 The Dude said...

Glenn’s album must be quite repoignant.

8:22 pm December, 11 DarkSock said...

I may have Alzheimers, but at least I don’t have Alzheimers. And by “Alzheimers” I mean Reverend Chad Kroeger.

4:45 am December, 12 Nostradouchus said...

Damn…and I totally had him winning “Best Matching Cup and Banana Hammock” too.

Back to the drawing board….

5:43 am December, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dark Sock’s mother has been watching the Douchies and wanted to chime in from her seat.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_UMoRtgCdo&feature=related

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