Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Sifl and Olly Lives!

The genius is back.

There is hope for this universe after all.

Pie.

Comment of the Week: Lafayette Here We Douche

Lafayette Here We Douche offers some European perspective in the Gay or European? thread and wins the coveted HCwDB of the Week:

———-

Well, I beg your pardon for my poor english skills, but as an European, i feel like i have to render to Caesar the douche that is Caesar’s.

Still, I sincerely sympathize with you and salute the true mock spirit here… for this plague has no frontier.

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Friday Thoughts and Links

Clownbags + Barely Legal Hotts + iPhones – Dignity = HCwDB

Your humble salivator is doing a three day juice cleanse. Yup. I’ve gone Hollywood, baby. Gotta do something to get all the cheap Five Guys burgers, four gallons of Night Train wine, and various sundry Trader Joes cookie treats I’ve consumed over the past few months outta my system.

So I’se drinking a lot of green shite that tastes like roasted ferret turd.

Judge me if you must. But the pooper needs a break.

Wait, that didn’t sound right.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: I don’t have a quote but mmmm…. Amanda Peet.

Parents who get it.

Turns out recently boobscarred Champagne Katie has a far less Bleethed sister. We’ll call her Champagne Kelly. Unfortunately, Champagne Kelly has an equal predilection for the ‘bags.

Say Jim, that’s a boatload of hottness!

Chuck Norris, American douchebag. A thousand year apocalypse only happens if the Greico and the Bleeth have a child together, don’t you know that Chuck?

Goldblum lives the dream for all of us Hebrew school boys.

Smells like Snooki.

But you are not here for Snooki smell. You are here for Pear:

Artistic Shallow Focus Pear

Not enough? Okay, one more, because you’ve been good:

Purple Pear

Now go forth and undo all that has been wrought.

Undies-Poke Ramon Bothers Jennifer

Although it’s hard to say which douchetribute of Undies-Poke Ramon bothers Jennifer more. Is it the ridiculous undies-poke?

The Ed Hardy faux sleeve tatt?

Or the fact that Undies-Poke Ramon gives the camera the same “tough guy” glare in every pic?

Jennifer’s taut milkshake leg suckle paddles the Baby Tebus with a hopeful swat.

Friday Haiku

Kandi Kane enjoys
Her new ‘bag stereo:
In Douche 2.0

This situation
Has ruined any hope of
Legalization

— Capt. James T. Douche

Even Jane Goodall
couldn’t wrap her mind around
this social construct.

— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche

The Clit/Hemp combo
Is not enough to rouse twins
Out of drug stupor

— DoucheyWallnuts

She has stopped breathing
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Chronic Hole.

— The Reverend Chad Kroeger

Pot leaf on her cooch
bondage tape on her nipples
Bad choices ev’rywhere.

— Morbo

“After you bang me
Leave your hats on this here shelf.
These are from today.”

— DoucheyWallnuts

Everything they wear,
think, speak is branded. Faces
need branding iron.

— Wheezer

Hooker on the floor
Ping ping balls fired from biznatch
Might be injuries

— Vin Douchal

Peter Pumpin'Head is a Cumulus

When your pecs are larger than the Hotties of Kappa Kappa Epsilon’s heads, it might be time to decompress.

The Wiggas Still Exist, Talk Hip-Hop to Aquahott

You might remember the Wiggas from our classic ode to Shel Silverstein in 2011, Wiggas and the Pear.

Or, more to the point, you might still be seeking out a brain bleach technique to make you forget you ever became cognitively aware of the exist of these white trashian suburban choadsucks.

But they do indeed exist. In all their wigga glory.

And therefore we must witness their sad and skeezy efforts to mack on the ladies.

That they’re now in the presence of taut drinksuckle Aquahott, she of the no-tatts and belly pooch, is only more grist for the godless among us.

And yes, even more pear.

Crimson Billy Forgot His Peen

An interesting footnote to history, “Crimson Billy Forgot His Peen” was actually the working title for Woody Guthrie’s dust bowl anthem of 1932, “This Douche is Your Douche.”

Overpriced Veronica has a cute Long Island accent. But that still doesn’t justify how much she paid for that purse.

The Lincoln Log

I get that Spielberg really wants the Oscar this year, but this kinda promotional campaign is a bit much.

Where's Quartasian Sideboob Perfection?

Someewhere in this pic, I have begun to furrow into the padded recesses of upper boobistan, digging ‘neath the yellow underbrush with only a flashlight and half a box of Grape Nuts for sustenance, before writhing and fondling with twitchy affect in the ecstasies of enlightenment in the form of suckle thigh paddle slap grabble genetic exchange.

Look closely.

Can you find it?