Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

(NOT) BREAKING: Russell Brand is a douchebag

The latest news about this odious toxic spew of a greasy celebubag is about as surprising as finding out Bill Maher routinely hires prostitutes or that Jared Leto likes underage girls.

Oh wait, those stories haven’t broken yet, have they.

Here’s what I wrote when a reader asked me about Brand and I decided he deserved Honorary Douchebag of the Month back in March of 2009.  Yep, his toxic wankpuffery has been around that long.

Hello DB1,

Wondering if you had any good pictures of rising douchewanker Russell Brand.

A British comedian that looks like the spawn of a known scrote Mystery from that reality TV show. He’s like the Dane Cook of the UK to be exact. Well it looks like Comedy Central is giving him his own Comedy Central Presents. Least to say I’m already annoyed by his post-baroque hair style and series of unfunny quips. I’d like to hear your wise commentary on this one particular douche.

Thanks,
Jeff
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Much like puds Dane Cook and John Mayer, Russell Brand attempts to use a sly self-knowing ironic framework with which to justify the authentobaggery at work at his core.

This is no excuse.

The primping, preening invocation of 19th Century British “Dandy” culture enrages both Benjamin Disraeli and Oscar Wilde. It is nostalgia repurposed as originality under guise of danger, yet it is none of the three. Attempts to use a humor framework to justify the “game” is simply another game, and is to be denounced as such.

Even worse, Brand spends many interviews talking about how many women he bangs, then undercuts the bravado by framing it as a form of “shtick,” in reference to his screwed up childhood. Using biographical trauma as justification for a desire to get laid? Even worse.

If you want to get laid, get laid, Brandbag. Just don’t annoy the rest of us with your compulsive neediness, then perform like it’s all an “act.” It’s not. You’re turtle feed in the aquarium of Hollywood mirror culture. Yet neither Cuff nor Link want to consume you. So slowly dissolve in the water by the marbles.

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