HCwDB of the Week
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Monday, August 1, 2011
HCwDB of the Week: The Most Interesting Douchebag in the World and Brittney
Originally appearing in Saturday’s Comment of the Week, the name of this week’s Weekly winning (losing) douchebag comes courtesy of Douchewallnuts in the comments thread, who wrote:
“He’s never worn a shirt. Not even to church. He’s the most interesting douchebag in the world.”
Indeed he is, D.W. Indeed he is.
For creepy and toxic Groin Shave Reveal, the invention of new variations of subcutaneous vein bulge, necklace bling, six pound watch, and awful fishy fish speedo + brand name sunglasses, TMIDITW takes the proverbial douche cake.
Brittney is also tatt free purity of whiny voiced suckle thigh. But since we judge our pics only in the visual realm, and not the auditorial, her pooch suckle is spankable sparrow win.
Almost rans included The Limeys, 70s Fro Guy, and the creepily haired Marty Fungenstein and the Euro Giggles.
But pumped up poolside douchebaggery in presence of giggle blonde was too much to avoid.
Chalk up our final coupling before the next HCwDB of the Month, and your hirsute narrator for groin scratch and Raisin Bran. Cuz I’m eating healthy like that.
Monday, July 25, 2011HCwDB of the Week: The Broctopus and Party Girl Melinda
Last week saw us traverse the superdoucheroic pathways from Superpud to Spider Tool. We had Loafheads and Gorgeous Nicole costing DJ Suckacrack a shot at the Weekly due to Duckface Violation #45.
We had a debates about Hall of Hott Inductees as well as Tattoo Autobaggery.
But for classic ab-douchery in a bar with bemused hot chickery, nothing came close to the Broctopus and Melinda. And then the Broctopus put on Nerd Glasses and it got even more stupid.
For stupid hair, stupid face and all around Constitution violating pukebaggery in presence of slutty bar hott, while Kevin just wants to order a Corona Light, the Broctopus and Melinda are our winners (losers).
Chalk up their lameness for the next Monthly.
And your humble narrator for a second bowl of Frosted Flakes and Kenya AA Keurig-style. Because that’s how I roll.
Monday, July 18, 2011HCwDB of the Week: Silverlake Todd and Young Mom Carol
Last week was a surprisingly strong week for fans of the uberhotts. From the perfect angelic slutty innocence of Old Man Moe’s Perfect Suckle Chomp Salina to Headwound Harry’s Lithe Monica Triplets. From Barely Legal Kelly to Collegiate Vegas Tourist Hotts being stalked by tattpud.
We learned about Moob Shirts and Canadian Wedding ‘Bags.
Then there was the strange case of Prickles the Clown and Crystal’s Meth.
But in the end, this site is about highlighting those truly toxic derivations of hottie/douchey cohabit, and Silverlake Todd with his patented Silverlake Stubble ™ is classic indie coffee drinker douche.
And, as we’ve learned, the truest of true hottie/douchey dialectic is formed when the suckle pooch of feminine coitus spank offers a distinctive lack of cohesive humanity by her choice of male partner. Silverlake Todd and Young Mom Carol are just such a cohabit.
Maybe a bit of a long shot to win the Monthly, but they’re our HCwDB of the Week and I’mma stickin’ to it.
Monday, July 11, 2011HCwDB of the Week: Crotch Johnson and the Sara Bikini Hotties
With two weeks to review since last week was the Monthly, this week’s winning/losing couple wasn’t easy to pick.
We had the heinous monstrosity that is Poppa Squatter. Phlippy’s White Man Overbite. The crypto-bronze gayery and confused doe hott of Crazy Eyes Killa (Jared) and Svetlana.
There were prefect suckle chaw grapefruits in Nayara and the Grapefruits.
There was the Nipple That Ruined Civilization.
There was Pear. And there was Perfect Pear.
We even had the nihilist apocalypse that was The Sons and Daughters of Porsche.
But something about Crotch Johnson’s heinous display of douchery and the quality underfed anorsexia of the Sara Bikini Hotties was too toxic to ignore.
Last week’s Monthly was a tough one, and Crotch Johnson and the Saras will be formidable in the next one. Chalk ’em up for the Monthly, and your hungover back-in-L.A. narrator for Pops.
Monday, June 27, 2011HCwDB of the Week: Manos:The Pecs of Fate and Sultry Brunette Back Arch Marsha
Between this garish trainwreck of smelly diaper poo, and the subsequent #2 of this flip-book crisis of a film dynasty, Manos,The Pecs of Fate II: Ass Pear Reveal Thigh Grab, we have a winner (loser).
Manos offers Pecs O’ Douche.
And Sultry Brunette Back Arch Marsha is all sorts of squeeze play dirty.
This wasn’t an easy win (loss), as last week saw solid competition. There was Real World Rockerdouche hitting on Girlfriend Kaitlyn, the moley moley moley of Gretchen’s Mole, the high school ludicrousness and tasty barely legal real world hott of The Promtard and Kelly, there was Vegas Jake’s Chin Pubes, there was Crotch Skull, and there was Pear.
Dearest Elijah, such luscious Pear.
But no combo had the toxic wrongness like The Manos.
A quality uberdouchey coupling for our next HCwDB of the Month.
And your narrator sips his coffee and gears up for a busy week as we head into the July 4th Holiday.
Thanks to all for their submissions that keep this site going, some great stuff just came into the ole in-box. And if you wanna send along your hottie/douchey tags, just use the big “Submit” button at the top of this page, or send along to douchebag1 at the URL for this site.
Cuz thass what I do, folks.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011The Roastbeefer Beefs
Recently anointed HCwDB of the Week winner(loser) The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins celebrate their win.
With more beef.
Los Angeles smells like sock sweat and Drakkar Noir.
Monday, June 20, 2011HCwDB of the Week: The Roastbeefer and the Nikita Twins
Maybe because we haven’t featured a truly odious hottie/douchey combo from my current hometown of Los Angeles in awhile.
Or maybe it’s just my disgust at beefy crotch peen with too much inheritance money put on display at an overpriced club. For what is douche if not that?
So here’s our winner/loser. For it is time we (dis)honor the shiny crotch peen of absurdist hotel club bottle service ordering beefydouche, and the tasty L.A. hotts that said bottle service attracts. Like the Nikita Twins.
And while Little Caesar and the Asian Paid to Post Inflat-a-Hotts put up a valiant fight, shiny crotch peen cannot be ignored.
Even if one of the Nikita Twins is slightly more hot than her larger, amazonian sister. They are quality immigrant suckle thigh. And deserve notice.
And by notice, I mean hand wringing a moist towelette over a gecko in a dry desert climate.
Last week had some quality candidates, including Bob’s Hand Palsy, the tasty drinkable milkshake that was Layla in Long Island Brad and Layla, the classic shoescrote of The Miami Heatrash, and the slutty wrongness of Giggle Hannah and the emo eyeliner of Arnie the Hipster Load.
But there can be only one Weekly Winner, and this week’s is Roastbeef.
See you in the Monthly, overpriced sandwich.
Monday, June 13, 2011HCwDB of the Week: Mr. Hawk Doesn’t Deserve This and Hottie Heather
Last week we had a Doggie ‘Baggin’ Old Bag (‘Eyyyy!) and a greasy bar puker. A clubbed out Brothabag with a Mocha Princess and Creepy Mutant Douchelips hitting on Cheerleader Hotts.
But among them all, no cohabit felt as legitimately wrong as Mr. Hawk’s tie wearing stupid hair kissing of doe eyed Hottie Heather.
And while there may have been stronger douchegaggers from last week, and some equivalently hottie hotts, it’s the combination en toto that defines the Boobie/Scrotey Dialogics.
And by En Toto, I mean Roseanna.
Chalk up Sir Hawk and Heather for the next Monthly, as your humble narrator stumbles around his dirty-ass living room and wonders about investing in a Dyson. Even if that Dyson guy is way creepy in the ads.
Monday, June 6, 2011HCwDB of the Week: Clifford The Big Red ‘Bag
While Emperor Hairoheato and the ubergnaw Stephanie gave Clifford and the Tonya Twins a run for the Money, in the end inflated red douchery with two sexy sweet, if pouty, twins from Hibbing, Minnesota, was too much to overcome.
Simply put, way too tight jorts, stupid mandana, and douche-face in presence of brunettes is a winner (loser).
And anyone who claims irono-baggery, think again. You don’t wear too tight jorts like that on a whim. That is learned douchery. And thus, a worthy mock.
Additional noteworthy pics last week included Krista’s Poor College Life Choices for offering tasty collegiate suckle thigh, and the surreal, Guggenheim Show inclusive Douchebags on Boats, both of which may be in the running for 2011 Douchie Awards.
But this was Clifford ‘Bag’s week to horrify the masses through sperm-altering groin tightness and red nips. And both of the Tonya Sisters are gracefully moving into “Sexy Young Mom” territory, and are to be celebrated as such.
Together, they make a worthy Weekly winner as we build towards the next Monthly in a few weeks.
Thursday, May 26, 2011HCwDB of the Week
Ladies, gentlemen and HCwDB regulars – it’s official. The unholy pairing of the US Olympic Synchronized Nodding Team and Grecian Greta get The Nod.
Medusa Oblongata rails:
“The tattoos are what drive my selection. Double-outline star tatt on the neck. You’ve made the decision to have an un-hideable tattoo. And you chose to broadcast to the world that you wanted the most unoriginal, least interesting and biggest pain-in-the ass-to-do, especially on the neck, tattoo. Congratulations. You have won the Fail Lottery…Let me add that Grecian Greta got a great boob job, especially considering how thin she is. Grets, gain 5 pounds and no one will have a clue that you weren’t born with those, trust me on this. And call me. I got those nipple vibrators we were talking about.”
Country Molestern and his Reverse Cowgirls prance their Boot-Scootin’ Boobies into a distant second place. Crusty curmudgeon Hermit, in spite of his vote, states:
“The closest this cowpoke ever came to ridin’ the range was when he “got a long little dogie” while watching Brokeback Mountain.”
Toolio Twice and Siam Suki take bronze, both in this context and on their epidermis (epidermii?). Sergeant Scrote Stain opines:
“I cast my vote for Toolio Twice because I’m positive that he has a to-scale picture of “Criss-Cross” shaved into his pubes… Normally, I’d be more inclined to support a man wearing a jean jacket, but this pud-stump has disgraced even the most earnest of sleeveless jackets, the denim vest. “Faux Earnesty”? What has this douchey world come to? If it weren’t for the calming nature of Siam’s plumped pillows, I’d have beaten a defenseless hobo to death with my bare hands for inspiring Toolio’s stupid wardrobe.” <–Watch yourself, Hermit. Stay safe, Brah.
Taking it on the chin with a distant fourth place finish is Larry the Lavender Love Lizard and his wolf-jawed vixens. Veteran mocker from down under, Tall Guy, admits that while he’d throw another chin on the Barbies:
“…Larry’s hair coupled with his blank expression push him over the line. Which in time will probably be the unemployment line.”
The US Olympic Synchronized Nodding Team may have climbed atop the podium for this event (and by “podium” I mean “one another”) but can they propel the luge of douchocity long, fast and hard enough down the icy tunnel o’ shame, fueled by longing for the sinewy curvatures of Greta, into victory for the Monthly?
Tune in next week; same poo time, same poo channel.
And, by the way: It was a gas bringing back for a limited time only the voted (and drunkenly tallied) weeklies, but it is TRULY an ass-load of work to do the write-up, count votes, and post the winner. Only a few of us here (Me, Boss, Country Molestern) know first-hand the clenching pain of an assload.
So I did it, and had fun with it, but let’s face it: I only had to keep it up as long as Anna Nicole Smith’s groom.
So please curb the wailing and gnashing of teeth when The Boss returns from Walkabout and resumes hand-picking the weeklies. The man is a professional. Think of it as our own little electoral college. Son.
