HCwDB
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Monday, November 2, 2009
Axl Boot
And when he’s not impressing the Vegas Townies, Axl’s leather rubber wrist thing can repair my car’s rear chassis.
Spanky Voted
Even though he’s pissed that not only didn’t his girl get any love last week, but his smackdown was muted at best, Spanky still showed up to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Good for you for showing good sportsmanship, Spanky.
Now put on a shirt.
Monday, November 2, 2009HCwDB of the Week
Our last weekly before what’s shaping up as an epic Monthly. Make it count.
Here’s your nominees:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Truckstop Pudwick and Shana
The Trucker Pud is all sorts of ass-kick-worthy Ed Hardy aging porch beef douche-poo.
There’s just something about his smug expression and hott fondle that encapsulates the HCwDB ‘tude, and for that, he is more (less) than the sum of his Hardy Parts.
I’m also pleased with the name “Truckstop Pudwick.”
I’m not sure why, but tell me it doesn’t summon the stench of beef jerky and cigarettes.
Shana is purity of hott fondle hott water bathing bath bubble grabby boobie tap dancing ass cheekathon.
I have no idea what I just wrote.
And yet, it is appropriate.
But enough to win the Weekly? We shall see.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Big Ben ‘Bag
The second in our “Pud” collection of bar trolling ass clowns in this Weekly, Big Ben ‘Bag brings the classic ubiquitous “Devil’s Horn” ‘bag hand gesture along with his alliterative name. And lets not forget Pic #2,, which confirms Holy White Triangle in the Book of Revelation.
As the Sideways Peace Sign and the Ubiquitous Shocker give way to new and more obnoxious ‘bag hand gestures, the “Devils Horns” is like the secondary classic rock classics of the oeuvre.
Like Jethro Tull’s “Aqualung.”
Never got its props, and was overshadowed by its flashier competitors like songs by the Beatles, Stones and the Who. But Aqualung is still in rotation on classic rock stations across the country, and always will be.
That’s my crappy Monday morning analogy, and I’m sticking to it.
Woe, lest I forget the genius of the Holy White Triangle, that calls to me to work overtime to buy her an expensive car before she divorces me anyway.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Bagpoleon Complex and Josephine
Do not let Bagpoleon fool you as a nottadouche.
Sure there’s no major hand gestures, no kissy lips, and no cap tilt.
But Six Pound Watch, Jesus bling at the pool, and hint of chin pube all suggest uber-scrote.
But the piece de resistance: Groin Shave Reveal.
That’s right. GSR. One of the worst of the 2009 ‘bag moves.
The pic thankfully prevents searing our retinas through cropping, but the evidence does not lie.
And what can we say about Josephine? She is corporeal perfection dipped in angelic fairy dust, and topped off with a french tickler. I would read exerpts from Balzac to a crowd of angry neo-luddites just for the chance to be repeatedly slapped by the festering carcass of a fish she ate for dinner in late 2005.
Uhm, she is hot.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Theory of Mandanativity, who just missed the cut, as well as The Fingerbag.
Which coupling has the right stench of douche-poo and tasty hott to create a dialectic of meaning that would make Hegel proud?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, November 1, 2009Where's Sir Sucks-a-Lot?: Dallas Edition
Somewhere in this depressing pileup of dancing generics having pseudo-fun I’ve carefully hidden HCwDB legend, Sir Sucks-a-Lot.
Look closely.
Can you flush him?
Sunday, November 1, 2009Where’s Sir Sucks-a-Lot?: Dallas Edition
Somewhere in this depressing pileup of dancing generics having pseudo-fun I’ve carefully hidden HCwDB legend, Sir Sucks-a-Lot.
Look closely.
Can you flush him?
Saturday, October 31, 2009Happy Halloween!
Boo!!
That Kettlehead costume is spot on. Down to the single arched eyebrow and everything.
Saturday, October 31, 2009The 2009 Douchies
Coming in December.
Friday, October 30, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
To whomever first designed the flimsy, clingy, barely-there body dress that shows panties upon leg cross, may Hashem bless you and your firstborn male with many years of fertile crops and healthy goats.
Here’s your Friday Links:
Attention Ladies: Tone up that arm fat by jerking off a metallic cylinder.
The start of a new NBA season means one thing: Time to start mocking the Denver Nugget uberdouche Chris Anderson.
And some dude who plays on the Utah Jazz as well.
Searching for a douchey Halloween costume? Here’s one approach.
Suburban wigga gangsta poseur asshats? Learn to dance the ‘dub step.’ There is no hope for the future of civilization.
Ironically, this Ed Hardy hoodie was the final straw that actually did kill punks dead.
Southwest Airlines targets the greater Scottsdale, AZ market with its new campaign: ‘Bags fly free!
The future of claymation: Angry Kid
Okay. You’ve earned it. Mmmm…. balcony pear.
Go forth, hunters and huntresses, and procreate. And if you can’t procreate, fornicate. And if you can’t fornicate, masturbate. And if you can’t masturbate, imitate Bob Goldthwait.
Friday, October 30, 2009Reader Mail: In Defense of Yankee Cap
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Greetings DB1,
I must take umbrage with your notion that the New York Yankees hat and logo have become official HCWDB “scroteassery”. I am an avid follower of your website and it pains me that you, with the wave of your mighty hand, condemned the rest of the Yankee Universe to some yet unidentifiable douche status.
I can assure you the chicks love me even though I do not exhibit ANY douchebag characteristics BUT have been a lifelong Yankee fan and occasional “traditional” Yankee hat wearing fan. At the proper head placement and standard acceptable angle of course. Please correct this grave mistake and I will promise to mock all Yankee hat wearing douchebags that cross my path.
– Mattingly’s ‘Stache
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Fair enough M’S, provided you don’t stray into adouchetribution upon adorning your Yankee cap. However, there is no denying that the masses of hip-hop suburban wigga wearing ass-scrotes tend to choose the 10 Degree Hat Tilt Yankee Cap as their adouchrement of choice.
And as a ‘bag hunter dedicated to the slaying of all things douchescrote, you cannot let personal team allegiences prevent you from mocking what must be mocked.
Friday, October 30, 2009He's Got Mad Skullz!
Yeah, whaddaya want. Clever skull puns?
Alls I can think about is aqua blue sparkle dress shimmying in the moonlight whilst I feed her grapes and grope her buns like a homeless baker kneading street dough.
