HCwDB
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Tuesday, October 20, 2009
The Hello Kitty Gangsta 'Bag
Because nothing says “air gatt” quite like lavendar Hello Kitty biker gloves.
EDIT: Props to Captain Bringdown for finding the Hypothetical Gun’s original appearance on the site back in January here.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009The Hello Kitty Gangsta ‘Bag
Because nothing says “air gatt” quite like lavendar Hello Kitty biker gloves.
EDIT: Props to Captain Bringdown for finding the Hypothetical Gun’s original appearance on the site back in January here.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009The Floater
Because nothing says “ready to swim” like double mandanas on the arm, four necklaces, greased up hair spike, and pokey red Spiderman underoos.
Oh Zoë.
You smile as if you aren’t standing next to a Floater that smells like bacon and bodspray. But, wait! What’s that? Your belly calls out to me:
Zoë Belly: Poooochhhh me!!!
What’s that, Zoë Belly?
Zoë Belly: Pooooochhhh me, DB1!!! Slather my button!! Barrump my tummy like an Arctic seal with lupus!!!
Well. If you insist.
But first, I must chapstick.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009Breaking: Steelers Kicker Jeff Reed is Still a Douche
Although he was technically “coming to the aid” of another drunk player, it’s yet more evidence of Reedbaggery.
I hereby declare Pittsburgh Steeler and HCwDB mainstay Jeff Reed to be Honorary Douchebag of Every Sunday During Football Season:
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Steelers’ kicker Reed cited for public intoxication
By Jason Cato, TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Monday, October 19, 2009
Pittsburgh police arrested Steelers kicker Jeff Reed last night after he tried to come to the aid of a teammate being cited for urinating in public, Sgt. Tina Davidson said.
Police responded to an unrelated incident at McFadden’s, a North Shore bar and restaurant across a parking lot from Heinz Field, around 9 p.m., Davidson said. While there, officers spotted a man urinating outside a white sport utility vehicle and began to give the man — identified as Steelers tight end Matt Spaeth — a ticket when Reed exited the vehicle, Davidson said.
“The officers told him several times to get back in the vehicle, but he did not listen,” Davidson said. “Mr. Reed then squared up with an officer by bringing his fists up.”
Officers tackled Reed and cuffed him at the scene, Davidson said. “He smelled of a strong odor of alcohol and appeared to be intoxicated,” Davidson said. Reed, 30, was charged with simple assault and resisting arrest, both misdemeanor counts, as well as disorderly conduct and public intoxication.
No court dates have been set.
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The Santabag
Ironically, all he wants for Christmas are his two front teeth.
Ask DB1: 'BagPac in Washington?
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And please, more boobies!
Scooby Douche
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My lobbyists in Washington inform me that we are making significant inroads out of committee to include funding for a global ‘bag virus eradication program. If you’d like to contribute to ‘BagPac, we are currently taking contributions.
I’m pleased to see that HCwDB’s voice in the healthcare debate will not go ignored.
Ask DB1: ‘BagPac in Washington?
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And please, more boobies!
Scooby Douche
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My lobbyists in Washington inform me that we are making significant inroads out of committee to include funding for a global ‘bag virus eradication program. If you’d like to contribute to ‘BagPac, we are currently taking contributions.
I’m pleased to see that HCwDB’s voice in the healthcare debate will not go ignored.
Mack the Nozzle Voted
HCwDB of the Month winner Mack the Nozzle just voted in the Weekly. For his own chin pubes.
But hey. At least he voted.
Shawna’s boobs are calling their shot like Ruth in ’32.
Monday, October 19, 2009HCwDB of the Week
This is an epic Weekly, kids. Do it proud.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Leatherbag
Yeee harrr!!!
Them Milf Cowgirls sure has roped ’emselves a leathery filly there, ain’t they?
Hoooooeyyy!!!
Yeah. That’s me doing a southern accent in written form. Because my entire understanding of a southern accent comes from Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.
Leatherbag moved on to a gaggle of inflata-hotts in pic #2, scoring an even more impressive HC side of the equation to counterbalance his prune smell.
But is Leatherbag choady enough to win the Weekly? Do not discount undies poke and one of the originary signs of ‘bag infection: Jesus Bling. We haven’t seen a lot of that garish suburban gangsta Jesus bling of late.
Yet here it is again. Hanging over a leathery Naugahyde.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Cheez and Charleez
The Cheez brings classic Meathead Partyboy into the equation, and Charleez is tasty mouthwatering succulence served in a petite hot toddy.
Mmmm… Charleez… confused white girl Connecticut wannabe rocker chick.
I would sip lightly, then ask for more scones.
Cheez didn’t just bust the one-off. His mugging continued in pic #2, pic #3 and pic #4, with particular douchetributes in pic #3.
The uberscrote isn’t just the dog tag bling, excessive tatts, douche-face, beefy ‘roid look and total indifference to the hott in favor of his own self worship.
Well, yes. It is all of that.
Add in Six Pound Watch and skull tatt, and it’s all bad. I disapprove.
She’s quality hotness. He’s beef pud. But is the Cheez/Charleez combo enough to win the Weekly?
It’s tough competition all around this week.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Gunter Von Crotchian and Alyssa
The dark horse in the race. Do not write Gunter off.
Gunter brings the creepiest Zombie Doucheface this side of the walking mall corpses in Scottsdale, Arizona.
And yes, that’s a six inch spike of hair. Handcuff necklace. And the piece de resistance: A, well, a piece. Gun Crotch.
I also appreciate the soft snow-powder shoulder suckle of Alyssa, who hates her waitressing job, and just wants to dance modern erotic ballet.
Alyssa, come to me. I will spank you softly with crushed fruit and chocolate macademia nuts. Because you are not a failure for dropping out of beauty school. You are a success for boobies.
If Cheez and Leatherbag split the vote, Gunter and Alyssa could easily take the prize.
Orangina went straight to the Closet of Poo as there was no way I could deal with that horrific trainwreck in the Weekly. Although Orangina will definitely be a finalist at the 2009 Douchie Awards in the Orangest Orange category. Nunzio and Sue also just missed the cut, as did Pepilepsi Pete. As did The Lincoln Log. As did Sushi Head.
Damn it was a strong week for pics.
This Weekly is epic. Weigh the evidence. Consider the pros and cons. And by pros, I mean suckle thigh. And by cons, I mean cons.
Which coupling is worthy of winning the HCwDB of the Week?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, October 18, 2009Tutto Scroto!!
English Translation: I smell like porch beef.
One minute or so of this clip is all you need, so I’d advise against going past that point. But Giovanni is tutto douchebago, and the pumped up hottie in the background brings Monica Bellucci quality counterbalance.
So hey, it’s worth running on a hot, muggy Los Angeles Sunday.
