HCwDB
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Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Squeezy E
It’s time that we acknowledge that the New York Yankees are the official team logo of scroteassery.
The Sterilizer
What’s that sound?
Female ovaries, the world over, committing suicide.
Monday, October 5, 2009Hair High?
Very, very high.
Redd Norton
Redd Norton’s nipples scar our society like a pincus worm tunneling into the foot of an African tribesman on walkabout.
Hucky Sheen Casts a Protest Vote
Hucky Sheen is furious that he’s not up for the HCwDB of the Month. His hat is tilted with extra anger as he arm locks an Arizonian Blonde.
In protest, Hucky just doggie bagged a pantless, female Will Ferrell.
Sunday, October 4, 2009Scooter Sucks Alpaca Testes
WARNING: Enough Choad to kill a small shetland pony.
I do enjoy the two people playing a skyscraper version of “Dance Douche Revolution.”
Saturday, October 3, 2009Reader Mail: He'd Come and Haha on My Ass
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so let me get this all straight. all u do is make fun of people on the internet all day?? ya real cool, asshole. . i’d kick your ass if i ever saw you but i won’t because u woldnt hang with my peeps for a f@ckin day before one of us had to kick ur ass for bein such a fukn faggot!! ur lucky id on’t know where you live or i’d come and haha on your ass
bitch. suck me. then fkn die.
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So should I suck you and then fkn die? What if I fkn die first? Would you still haha on my ass?
Saturday, October 3, 2009Reader Mail: He’d Come and Haha on My Ass
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so let me get this all straight. all u do is make fun of people on the internet all day?? ya real cool, asshole. . i’d kick your ass if i ever saw you but i won’t because u woldnt hang with my peeps for a f@ckin day before one of us had to kick ur ass for bein such a fukn faggot!! ur lucky id on’t know where you live or i’d come and haha on your ass
bitch. suck me. then fkn die.
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So should I suck you and then fkn die? What if I fkn die first? Would you still haha on my ass?
Saturday, October 3, 2009Luke Skykumquat
It’s like Luke Skywalker mated with a kumquat and the kid from Deliverance, overtanned, removed a piece of his jaw via surgery, then went out and kidnapped the hottest girl in Baton Rouge at gunpoint.
Or something like that.
It’s Saturday. Give the DB1 a break. Today’s creativity will focus more on Advil and coffee.
Friday, October 2, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
Today is the first day of shooting on Season #2 of your humble narrator’s show, Is She Really Going Out With Him? That’s right, bitches. Twenty more eps of HCwDB will hit the airwaves beginning in January.
I am psyched with the job the casting team did finding the HCwDB couples out there. We have some amazingly clueless ‘bags in the pipeline, and I look forward to unleashing more choad mocking from inside the televisual beast.
Friday finds me pondering detachment. How often we simulate or recreate the authentic experience in the hopes of achieving it, only to find the moments seem alien. Estranged. Outside of ourselves. How often do we work so hard to “have fun,” only to think to ourselves, “I should be enjoying this more! Why aren’t I?” We live in a state of overstimulated perpetual emotional crisis, whipped into a socialized frenzy of dissatisfaction. Whose twitching nerve endings are fed on by private industry in the marketplace of advertising like so many hungry Mynocks chewing on power cables. I can’t help but wonder what a century of the industrial age, over a hundred years now of machine into computer into virtual recreation has done to fragment our constructions into a dozen competing states of uncanny estrangement. Our bought and sold hyperreality now rendering our experience of the real forever incomplete.
But hey. That’s what alcohol’s for. Here’s your links:
The oldest evidence of HCwDB uncovered to date. Yes, even older than Mickey Rourke.
In ‘Barely Celebrity News’: Spencer Pratt Barely Having Sex With Heidi Montag. This… is CNN.
The greatest overlooked acting performance of the 1990s remains the genius that was Jon Voight in Anaconda.
The perfect wedding gift for that truly douchey couple.
I’ve been doing my best to ignore the performance art that is Arthur Kade, but somehow creepy Vegas Eyebrowless Guy showed up on his site. It’s all coming together. Like a game of douche Jenga.
IFC finally produces something worth TiVo-ing.
Five Washington State barristas give new meaning to the term ‘cream with my coffee.’
Retarded rappers are funny. But never go full retard.
Christina, my fourth future ex-wife, who gave Kirk Cameron that righteous smackdown, makes strange videos playing with cats. I would lightly massage her middle thigh area with melted candle wax, silly putty and a raspberry spritzer until she grew bored and called her large Romanian brother over to have me deported to Anshluss.
And finally, because you’ve spent another week doing your civic duty (mocking choad and lusting hott)… you’ve earned it.
Sink your teeth into that, and celebrate the weekend in style.
