HCwDB
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Friday, October 2, 2009
Meet Joe Douche is Still Out There, Still Orange
HCwDB legend, 2007 HCwDB of the Week Winner, and quasi-reality TV something, Meet Joe Douche is still in the game.
Still rubbing up on quality hotts with cheezy bling, Blackberry on table and blowout hairspike.
For that we must respek. And by respek, I mean continue to mock his scrotey clownish ass.
Friday, October 2, 2009Fun With Depth of Field
That “Way too Crazy” post just wasn’t as funny this morning as it seemed to me last night, so I’m blowing it away. Because it’s Friday. And it’s my site. And I can do things like that.
Instead, here’s the douchal version of the genius Kids in the Hall sketch, I’m Crushing Your Head.
Only with Ass Pear.
Friday, October 2, 2009Friday Haiku
Crotch Hardy? Hardly.
Magic, Criss Angel style,
Poo dump on culture.
Never fear my sweet,
Poo-dini is here to say
Mom’s basement is cold
— saulgoode42
Clockwork Orange douche,
close your arms and go away.
Britney, open yours.
— Father Guido Sardouchey
Gay-Bag Scrote appears
His eyes adjust to the light
Your not Fred he screams
— Douche shower and shave
Goth douchenozzle sucks
Dressed like a gay vampire bat
Blond causes tumescence
— The Douche Abides
Stovepipe hat cooks brain
Skull betrays mini bone ‘neath
Hott wants panties back.
— Crucial Head
Magic Hoverbag
But Hi-Ho the derio
This cheese stands alone
— Vin Douchal
In a new PETA
ad, Matt Stafford hopes to help
malnourished bunnies.
— “Lesbian Thermos” Ernie Tubesock
Thursday, October 1, 2009Little Timmy Thanks God
“This is, like, the best Halloween party EVER! Wait’ll I tell the boys on 4chan!”
Who Needs Groin Shave?
Eagle eyed reader I.U.C.E. catches HCwDB of the Week winner Crabs McGee in the following banner ad.
It all makes sense now. Groin shaving cuts fat and builds muscle.
But what’s with Superman getting RIPPED in “only 4 weeks?” I thought it had to do with his molecular DNA growing up near a red sun or something.
Thursday, October 1, 2009Ramon Who Works at Best Buy
Ramon, stop annoying the hotts with your dribble chin and bling, and tell me again about the difference between 60hz and 120hz.
Louise's "Hot Loaves with Douchebags" Tag
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Dear DB1,
This picture does not contain a hott – I am taking the photo – however I felt the need to share my tale with you. This event happened a mere 30 minutes ago, so I am still recovering from my brush with the douche.
I was at my local supermarket, happily going about my business, when I rounded the corner to the meat section to be confronted with a massive douchbag sans hott. At first I was like a deer in the headlights in shock and awe at the spectacle in front of me, but then my anti-douche instinct kicked in. I realised that I had to get a good, clear photograph of the douche with a hott.
The douche had perhaps caught my scent and walked into my aisle, looked me square in the eye and gave me a “ ‘sup?”. I faltered, gave a weak, panicked laugh and ran away quickly. I regrouped in the dairy section, then looked up to see the ‘bag heading to the bakery area. I cautiously went around the back to the deli and from a distance took a quick, surreptitious photo with my iPhone.
As I lowered my phone, the ‘bag noticed me looking at him, and decided to put on a show that will haunt me forever.
He proceeded to get an item off the lowest bread rack, not in the normal ‘bend at the knees’ way – oh no – he went the full ‘bend and snap’ action, ass straining in his tight camouflage pants, arms tensed as if to say ‘enjoy the gun show’. Alarmed and scared for my safety, I scooted quickly to the cashier and out the door, not daring to look back lest the douche catch my eye.
In summary DB1, I tried my best to capture a douche/hott moment and all I got was this lousy photo,
-Louise
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Good attempt at a ‘tag, Louise, but it concerns me that you describe your direct interaction with said choad as causing a “weak, panicked laugh.” For that means the spectacle is still having its intended effect. Even in the bread section. Good story though, and while there’s no hottness, I’m going with it. Because I like bread.
Thursday, October 1, 2009Louise’s “Hot Loaves with Douchebags” Tag
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Dear DB1,
This picture does not contain a hott – I am taking the photo – however I felt the need to share my tale with you. This event happened a mere 30 minutes ago, so I am still recovering from my brush with the douche.
I was at my local supermarket, happily going about my business, when I rounded the corner to the meat section to be confronted with a massive douchbag sans hott. At first I was like a deer in the headlights in shock and awe at the spectacle in front of me, but then my anti-douche instinct kicked in. I realised that I had to get a good, clear photograph of the douche with a hott.
The douche had perhaps caught my scent and walked into my aisle, looked me square in the eye and gave me a “ ‘sup?”. I faltered, gave a weak, panicked laugh and ran away quickly. I regrouped in the dairy section, then looked up to see the ‘bag heading to the bakery area. I cautiously went around the back to the deli and from a distance took a quick, surreptitious photo with my iPhone.
As I lowered my phone, the ‘bag noticed me looking at him, and decided to put on a show that will haunt me forever.
He proceeded to get an item off the lowest bread rack, not in the normal ‘bend at the knees’ way – oh no – he went the full ‘bend and snap’ action, ass straining in his tight camouflage pants, arms tensed as if to say ‘enjoy the gun show’. Alarmed and scared for my safety, I scooted quickly to the cashier and out the door, not daring to look back lest the douche catch my eye.
In summary DB1, I tried my best to capture a douche/hott moment and all I got was this lousy photo,
-Louise
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Good attempt at a ‘tag, Louise, but it concerns me that you describe your direct interaction with said choad as causing a “weak, panicked laugh.” For that means the spectacle is still having its intended effect. Even in the bread section. Good story though, and while there’s no hottness, I’m going with it. Because I like bread.
Thursday, October 1, 2009Sign Language for "Emobag"
Rumor has it, literary hack Dan Brown is hard at work drafting his new book about deciphering hand gestures on douchewanks in Age of Enlightenment paintings.
Yup, it’s called “The Da-Douchey Code.”
You saw where I was going with that a mile away. I should’ve gone with Renaissance. Like a hack novelist that inspires bad Ron Howard movies is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference.
I blame last night’s Hostess Apple Fruit Pie.
Thursday, October 1, 2009Sign Language for “Emobag”
Rumor has it, literary hack Dan Brown is hard at work drafting his new book about deciphering hand gestures on douchewanks in Age of Enlightenment paintings.
Yup, it’s called “The Da-Douchey Code.”
You saw where I was going with that a mile away. I should’ve gone with Renaissance. Like a hack novelist that inspires bad Ron Howard movies is going to get an obscure French philosophical reference.
I blame last night’s Hostess Apple Fruit Pie.
