HCwDB
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Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Caption This Pic
Blythe demanded Hank return her cardigan, even if his shirtlessness in the slums of Istanbul meant the rats would come.
Guyliner Gary: aka The Guyliner Douche
One of the clearest and most toxic pollutants in the douchebag’s arsenal of whack is the “guyliner.”
Using the Stephen Hawking rule of a folding cosmos, the douche figures that guyliner is so feminine it must wrap around to the other end of the gender binary, becoming uber-masculine. It is logic by way of inversion of gender tropes, by way of a pile of yak poo.
Here we find Gary ready to get in the camera’s “face!”
While Barbie Cara endures a stomach rub.
Later, Gary’s tri-color hair and sensitive eyes will earn him Cara’s true affections, when the lapdance begins.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009Grillz on Film
PIC DELETED
Yup, it’s late night HCwDB!
Come on in. The jacuzz is firin’. The s’mores are melting in the microwave.
Grab a PBR! Pull up a chair.
And lets all say a collective “WTF” to this guy. He’s like Lionel Ritchie by way of the Wu Tang by way of an abandoned rest stop outhouse off the I-9 near Scranton.
And Tammy Hott is all sorts of “substitute teacher young mom working on her nursing degree” goodness. Don’t say you wouldn’t. If you do, you’re lying.
Monday, September 21, 2009Hagarpalooza
The crowd at the Sammy Hagar tribute band reunion, Hagarpalooza, grew restless as they waited for “I Can’t Drive 55.”
Frankie Goes to Parsippany
Relax. Don’t do it.
No, seriously. Don’t.
No one needs to see the fabled “teeth abs reveal.” Not even the Won Sisters.
Now clip off the pigeon turds clinging to the tips of your hair and go order the ladies two Cosmos, before the bouncer gives you a wedgie.
Monday, September 21, 2009Hair Templeton Voted in the Weekly
Hair Templeton, and his mixed ‘bag Bleethy girlfriend, just cast their votes in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
Monday, September 21, 2009HCwDB of the Week
Last night, after fourteen Trader Joes Hansen’s Sodas, I discovered something profound. I could pee on one leg while humming the theme to Rawhide. It was quite impressive.
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Crabs McGee
A toxic pic of scrotal revelation, Crabs McGee and Princess Minnie Von Shtup are visual overload.
Lets run down the list of powerhouse douchosity:
The white glove. The silly hat. The bizarre backpack straps. The greasy groin shave. The Jean Claude Van Damme Doucheface.
And yes, way too much reveal of groinsackery.
Minnie is ethereal otherworldly hotness. The kind that doesn’t exist in nature. Or in college. It only exists at the W Hotel, where you have to buy her at least four drinks while she acts bored and texts her friends. Not that I’m bitter. Looking at you, Allison.
Together, this may be a posed “model” pic, but it is uberHCwDB, and well earns its place in the Weekly.
However there is the question we must ask. Do we really want to see that groinal shave ever again? Maybe not. This may cost Crabs votes.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Blackberry Bob and Abby Licious
A crowd favorite for the double douche move of Blackberry armstrap and pleather watchstrap on Bob, Pamela divided opinion.
Some found her lithe body and taut abs to be celebratory female achievement.
Others found her too skinny and meatless for true objectification.
I tend towards the latter. Pamela is definitely hot, but I like a bit more suckle thigh on my suckle thigh.
That being said, Bob is uberdouche, even on a roof in Calcutta.
HCwDB of the Week: Party Fluffkin
From Friday’s Thoughts and Links, this crotch fondling smug Fratclown has all the markings for Weekly Mock.
But it’s not just writing the boring and dull “I Like to Party” on his shirt.
It’s the first douche-face + crotch-grab move we’ve seen in months. Factor in studded belt, and Party F is all sorts of lameassitudinal.
Audrina also has surprisingly suckleable suckle torso on display, and while she is stage-3 Douchebaguette, there is much to offer by way of her genetic merit.
(Dis)honorable mention to The Redneckbags, who didn’t quite bring enough Southern Douche to make the finals, The Long Island Douche Ferns and the ab revealing Friday Haiku, who just missed the cut.
Them’s your three.
Help a brotha out and vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, September 20, 2009Sunday Afternoon Scratchings
Your humble narrator is lying around on his rug, enjoying the tasty sugary goodness of a Hostess Cupcake. It is chocolatey.
Los Angeles is steamy. Sweaty. Bright sunlight that hurts the eyes. It smells like hair spray and desperation amongst the palm trees and cactii.
As I muse on this steaming butt taint who’s dived into this mixed-bag pile of Midwestern ladiesfriends, I can’t help but reach an epiphany.
The world needs more Ukulele wall art.
Sunday, September 20, 2009Kidd Panic and Erika Bunny Build a Bar in Utica, NY
I ran a link to this awhile back, but a reader sent it in again and it’s worth another look. Hottie/Douchey Grieco Virus contamination in upstate New York, all in one strange, surreal bar building clip.
And yes. Erika is Douchebaguette. But, on the other hand, boobies.
Saturday, September 19, 2009Your Saturday Pup Tent
Because nothing impresses your hott quite like camping out at a highway rest stop.
