HCwDB
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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
The 'Stachebagger Wishes for Sideways Peace
The ‘Stachebagger, backed by his posse of pigeon turd and K-Hotts, wants to wish the world a Sideways Peace Sign.
Later that night, the ‘Stachebagger and Juanita furthered the cause of sideways peace.
Because without sideways peace, this world will always be at sideways war.
Meanwhile, Ubiquitous Red Cup monitors all.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009The ‘Stachebagger Wishes for Sideways Peace
The ‘Stachebagger, backed by his posse of pigeon turd and K-Hotts, wants to wish the world a Sideways Peace Sign.
Later that night, the ‘Stachebagger and Juanita furthered the cause of sideways peace.
Because without sideways peace, this world will always be at sideways war.
Meanwhile, Ubiquitous Red Cup monitors all.
Monday, July 27, 2009Prom Night Kissy Lips
Seriously, high schoolers.
Put down the Kissy Lips before someone gets hurt.
Monday, July 27, 2009The Stachebagger
You know we’re in trouble when the frost tips, shirtlessness, orangeness and white belt aren’t the creepiest thing about the Stachebagger’s mugging of the Jenny Triplets.
It’s the ‘stache.
Like El Debarge and John Oates before him, The Stachebagger is bringing the power of 1980s ‘stache with G-Force scrotal pull.
And I see you on the left, Jenny #3. Your bosom is strong with womanly power. I would paw them firmly, then graze lightly on your clavicle, then whine softly for tea time.
Monday, July 27, 2009Smoot Voted
In anticipation of his own appearance in next week’s Weekly, Smoot and Long Island Sylvia wanted too drop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Month.
HCwDB of the Month
Can I get a wut? Coming off the two-toned weekend punch of the potentally flaming gaybaggery of Cheeto Man and the toxic HCwDB commingling of Smoot, it almost seems unfair that this week is the HCwDB of the Month. But those pics will have to wait for next week.
For now, here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Gunny
Gunny brings the gun show, solidly besting his competitors with a run of silly belt buckle in presence of numerous suckle thighs (seen in pics 2, 3 and 4),
Gunny’s tard-face, hand gestures and belt buckle are all scroteworthy.
But does Gunny bring the hott enough for a true HCwDB of the Month?
That is the question.
For the H.C. side, Blondie’s shoulder suckle, hint of quality boobage, and swan innocent smile, are all worthy counterpoints.
I would raisin her brans.
And then corn her pops.
Yup. It’s breakfast time for the DB1.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: P. Doody
With an ambiguous takedown request that may or may not have meant Hairy Belafonte, I’m not taking the risk and instead subbing in the #2 (in every sense) tatt disaster that is P. Doody.
This is also a first here at HCwDB, in which an award winning slutty hott, Carly, took one douchebag to the HCwDB Championship last year, and is now cohabitating with another worthy contender of scrote.
Carly Hott is like the Roseanna Arquette of HCwDB. First she inspires a mediocre Toto song.
Then she inspires a drippy but iconic Peter Gabriel Song.
Which in turn inspires John Cusack to hold up a boombox in a moment that makes dating girls impossible for the next four years due to raised “Lloyd Dobler” expectations of googoo eyed crap. Which inspired Ione Skye to ditch the sentimental crap and marry a Beastie Boy. Which was absolutely the right call.
Toto. Nice Dune soundtrack. Clowns.
Wait, what was I talking about again?
Oh yeah, Carly Hott.
I have no idea what I’m saying. I desperately need caffeine.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: The Tiki Douche and Anonymous Bikini Hott
Like Gunny, The Tiki Pud brought with him a run of scrotal achievement with various bikini girls, as seen in pic 2, , pic 3 and pic 4.
Granted, all are with lesser hottage than in the main pic.
The lack of hotts, as with Gunny, discounts the Tiki’s truly noxious taint-scent from mockage.
Still, for classic douche signifiers, you have a pretty potent list:
1. The neo-colonialist desecration of numerous indiginous languages, peoples and cultures, all in one single garrish shoulder tatt.
2. Silly belt buckle + chain
3. The douche-face
4. Boobie hottie suckle thigh in tight candy-striper pants
And I reiterate that Anonymous Bikini Hott is not getting the props she deserves. Take another look, people. She is a softwater drink of fleshy melon smoothie.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Bucky Got Mad Game and Kathy
Bucky got mad game, and he got crazy skillz. And he got Kathy Hott.
All sorts of hip-hop wigga wrongess in this classic HCwDB formation.
This pic also brings reminders of College Hotts.
How they know not the cultural value they carry in their youth and smiles and wonderfully white teeth and Prell smelling hair.
And then, like every iconic HCwDB pic, there’s the “WTF” moment. In this case, the welding gloves.
Welding Gloves, Bucky? Really?
So them’s your four.
Which combo most inspires you to fits of rage and cries at a godless universe enough to book them a slot in the coveted HCwDB of the Year?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, July 26, 2009The Gator Buys Bulgaria
HCwDB legend and Hall of Scrote member, The Gator, buys Bulgaria.
While wearing D&G.
And planning a proper sized bed to accommodate his theoretical orgies.
Saturday, July 25, 2009Cheeto Man Says…
Accept no imitations. There is only one Cheeto Man.
Your Saturday Smoot
What to name this annoyingly punch-worthy douche face?
One word comes to me. And that word is Smoot.
Crystal’s red tongue and barb wire tatt show worrisome signs of stage-2 to 3 douchebaguettery.
As such, I will only reluctantly drool on her boobs while chanting ancient Sanskrit poems and gargling windex.
Friday, July 24, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
No random thoughts on this Friday as I contemplate that Cheetos Man is not to be trifled with.
Well, maybe that is my random thought.
Cheetos Man. Do not mess with his argyle patterns and weedy hair.
Here are your links:
Douchebag V. Monkey: The Monologue is the most brilliantly written and delivered single character theatrical masterpiece on the internets. It is Samuel Beckett by way of Quentin Tarantino by way of Bertolt Brecht by way of David Mamet by way of Ice Cube by way of a giant wigga douchenozzle. It is a masterwork. “Squeezy don’t beg.”
Just when you thought E-Blo would never find a doucherhero sidekick to help him fight facial expressions and conscious thought: E-Blo and Robin.
D-Bag t-shirts, only $200 dollars each. Or, in this case, on sale for $169. What a bargain.
My comment that I didn’t know who Peter Andre was on Monday resulted in a flood of emails to “educate” me, with the best/worst being this slice of musical scrote pie (complete with black rasta background singers to give him “street cred”)
Model hooks up with Mickey Roarke, regrets it in the morning. And yes, Mickey Roarke is a celebubag.
And vis-a-vis the Douchebag V. Monkey monologue, how about Hot Chicks with Chimpanzees.
Rule of thumb: If you name your new line of douche wristwatches “Super Bad Ass”, they are, in fact, neither super, nor bad ass.
I’m not the big fan of mashups, when DJs combine two songs to create a new song, but this Rick Astley + Nirvana combo is pretty genius.
And finally, because you’ve been good, here’s some tri-color Triple Vegas Ass Pear to carry you onward until dawn.
