HCwDB

    Friday, July 24, 2009

    Cactus Joes


    That reminds me, did I remember to water my cactii in the past few months?

    And by water my cactii, I mean stalk Kat Dennings.

    And yes, on the left is what we tag as a stage-3 douchebaguette, saved only by the lack of kissy-lips and hand gesture.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, July 24, 2009

    Nostradouchemas


    For it is prophesized that when the Star of David Demon Tatt punctures the shoulder of the tri-vag facial pubed One, Tiny Pocahontas Clamshell Bikini Hott will commingle for a fortnight.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, July 24, 2009

    Friday Haiku


    Choads ‘n hott do shots,
    Ubiquitous Red Cups know,
    Fratbags smell like poo.

    Second Amendment
    Be damned; these here guns should be
    outlawed and taken.

    – Douche Wayne

    today will be nuts.
    I don’t even know this chick.
    we should light our farts.

    — Mr. Choad’s Wild Ride

    Mary Louise P.
    Retires from the show “Weeds”
    Now on show called “Taints”

    – Vin Douchal

    Hott is very hott.
    Boobies like tangy lemons.
    They need my sucklage.

    -Amerigo Vesdouchey

    what chances does a
    lonely red cup, for the love
    of a surfer chick

    – euripidouche

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, July 24, 2009

    More Pouter Puff


    Okay, for all those complaining that bizarro Lithuania pic, as genius as it was, wasn’t strictly HCwDB enough, here’s some Pouter Puff + Jenny Suckle Shoulder to carry you to tomorrow’s Friday Haiku.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 23, 2009

    Lithuania: Unclear on the HCwDB Concept


    —–
    Greetings DB1,

    Take a look at best what we’ve got here in Lithuania. Not quite HCwDB, but we’re a third world country.

    E.
    —-

    The ridiculously unbalanced ratio between the quality of suckle thigh and creepy Europbaggery on display in Eastern Europe is on an ongoing global crisis.

    While Eurobags often don’t resemble the douchebaggery we know and loathe here in America, the suckle thighs still desperately need saving. By me. Using only a ball of twine, extensive licking of their kneecaps, and a large towel soaked in chickenfat.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 23, 2009

    Johnny Blaze Blazes On


    What separates the truly spectacular douchewank from the average, everyday, ordinary pud?

    Longevity. Consistency.

    Hall of Scrote legend Johnny Blaze isn’t held down by a faltering economy.

    Johnny Blaze laughs in the face of the passing of time.

    The Blaze just finds some slammin’ Ed Hardy, a middle aged Oldbag dressed in pink and desperately holding on to fading glory, and an all natural brunette with great teeth.

    And the Blaze Blazes on.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 23, 2009

    Cube Bert


    Can we really judge a man for utilizing the “chin strap” to delineate chin from neck?

    Yes.

    Yes we can.

    Or cast him in a Dire Straits video.

    EDIT: In keeping with the general consensus, I hearby grant Cube Bert an official nottadouche. And props for some natural Latina Hottness on his arm.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 23, 2009

    Ask DB1: Whither the Follicle?


    —-
    Dear DB1,

    I am 28 years old and I have a receding hairline.

    I think comb-overs and other maneuvers to hide balding are silly and useless. From your website and the example of E-Blo, I have also learned that if I tried, I’d be douchey.

    But if I wear (what’s left of) my hair pushed up and off of my scalp, bravely exposing naked skin where hair is supposed to be, I’m afraid I am going to stray into ‘blowout’ territory.

    I’m going to have a haircut later today and need an urgent consultation on how to wear my hair so I can split the difference between comb-over and blowout. Douchiness crouches on every side! Help me to come through to the other side un-tainted.

    Thank you,
    – Douche Scrotewalker
    —-

    It’s about the gel levels, D.S., more so than the style itself. In the example provided here, Pinky McGuppiemouth macks on Theresa with only a stage-2 shirt offense (skulls = autodouche). His receding hairstyle would not be a problem, until he overgels to the point of crust.

    Do not crest the crustline, D.S. Some product is fine, but if your hair looks like the sky in a Van Gogh, you’ve crossed the line.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, July 23, 2009

    Fro Yo

    Fro Yo says: Hey kids, be cool. Stay in school.

    Because Fro Yo likes to give back to the community.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Wednesday, July 22, 2009

    A Nice Gentleman Who is Not a Douche


    I can’t tell if I should mock this bizarro commingling of Latin King and Nordic Goth, or cower behind my bed and hope I do not end up with the proverbial cap in mine ass.

    Ah screw it. What’s one more angry douche who wants to kick my ass?

    His chin contains a swarm of angry carpenter ants, pissed about the lack of decor.

    Elvira would read me Grimm fairytales in their original German, and then I would rub her toes with tea tree oil.

    # posted by douchebag1
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