HCwDB
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Monday, July 20, 2009
Reader Mail: Katie Price and Peter Andre
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Hi DB1,
I am new to the site, so I am writing to ask if you are aware of the British/Australian celebrity Bleeth and Douche pairing of Katie Price and Peter Andre.
They are constant tabloid fodder in the UK at the moment as they are having a particularly nasty and public divorce. He has also just been signed to be the face of Ed Hardy when it launches in the UK this year.
Here they are shopping at Ed Hardy in Los Angeles.
– Ashley
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No idea who they are, although I feel like I’ve featured them on the site before. But as of July of 2009, I can safely say this: All roads of ‘bag lead to Ed Hardy.
Ed Hardy is the fulcrum of faux. The portal of pud. The gateway drug and, like Mordor and Gettysburg before it, the location of battle where the war will be won or lost.
Monday, July 20, 2009The Temple Mount
There’s two types of ‘bag reactions when staring at the performative sapphic kiss.
The Standard Reaction: Cholo on the left’s “grin + point” move.
The Supernatural Reaction: The ‘bag’s thoughts spontaneously form as hair shave on his left temple.
Either way, boobies.
Monday, July 20, 2009Creepy Old Biker Guy
Creepy Old Biker Guy is bringing the TapOut Game to mack on the barely legals.
Somewhere on a balcony outside a nuclear testing facility, apparently.
Monday, July 20, 2009X-Lax Voted
Previous HCwDB of the Week winner X-Lax (still with the “x” on his hand), his ubiquitous bros, and Sorority Girl Mandy all just voted in the Weekly.
Have you?
Monday, July 20, 2009HCwDB of the Week
It’s our last Weekly before the HCwDB of the Month next Monday, so lets make it count. Here’s your nominees:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Gunny
Tongue licky annoyance, a bevy of hottness on his arms, and the stupidest belt buckle this side of “the Destroyer” (entry #2) makes Gunny a formidable clown in the Weekly.
And lets not forget the Gun Show: Gunny 2, Gunny 3 and Gunny 4, a decisive run of scrotal wrong.
And what of Crazy Eyes Sephardic Hott on the left? Sure she’s nuts and’ll ruin your credit rating and future plans, but it’d be worth it.
And tiny blonde has an absolutely shoulder suckle shoulder.
Just behind Gunny’s middle finger. It is so un-choice, in the parlance of Mr. Bueller.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Cornbread the Destroyer
Kudos to all who participated in an hilarious name contest last week for this pic of beefed up assclown and tiny latina princess hott, but the prize goes to Rage and Lust in the Times of Holbrooks for the name.
I need to do these naming contests more often. Saves me a ton of the creative heavy lifting. But it also shows off how HCwDB has the most clever, erudite and evicerating regulars who bring the power of the mock with g-force cultural critique.
But you already knew that.
This pic brings back a previous Weekly Winner, but in a new persona, and thus eligible again for mocking.
It also brings a tiny Persian Princess, whom I would save from marauding Crusaders. By lightly massaging her well toned shoulder muscles, and then crying to sleep in her laundry room.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Teddy Tatt and Maggie’s Wine Tips
At first, Teddy Tatt and Maggie just seemed like blush-wine sipping O.C. standard HCwDB.
But the composition of this pic, artistic and intriguing, prompts further examination.
And then the factors emerge that mark a Weekly:
The smug douche-face. The ginormously goofy chest tatt. The Bleethy hott with perfect boobs and sweet smile. And don’t forget the creepy pool setting and the ginormous douche-watch on Teddy Tatt.
Mmm… I’d like to Kavalier Maggie’s Klays.
Their second pic didn’t bring much more to the game, but this first pic has just the right stench of hottie/douchey to make it to the Weekly.
Tough week to cull down, as the worthy Spiderbag, Saturday Night Jerzey, Ralph Walder Lamerson and Standard Issue Vegastool all just missed the cut.
But them’s your three.
As your humble narrator groggily scratches his privates and stumbles around to find his socks, he turns it over to you. Which rises to the top/bottom of the scrotey/boobie pile?
Vote, as ever, in the comments thread.
Sunday, July 19, 2009HCwDB on the Red Carpet
The 2009 Douchie Awards. Coming this December.
Saturday, July 18, 2009Tiger Shark
Once while cliff diving for cliff bars off the caves of Negril, Jamaica, I punched a Tiger Shark in the nads.
“Ow,” said the Tiger Shark.
“I’m sorry,” I responded.
“Why did you do that?” said the Tiger Shark.
“It was an accident.” I responded.
And the Tiger Shark swam along his merry way.
What is the relevance of that story to this picture of giant collosal culture taint? Only that I wish I hadn’t punched that Tiger Shark in the nads.
For if we were on better terms, I could ask the Tiger Shark to please eat these people.
Saturday, July 18, 2009Spiderbag… Spiderbag…
Does whatever a Spiderbag can… which is hitting on hotts and spiking the fro to ginormous heights…
Coming, next week!!
The Further Adventures of the Amazingly Douchey Spiderbag #2!!
Same scrote time!!
Same scrote fauxhawk!!
Friday, July 17, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
I’m convinced that HCwDB legend Samurai Scrote is actually Sacha Baron Cohen. Although S.S. is looking kinda snappy here. His lady friend actually may be the bigger douche.
Only Samurai Scrote has such power of HCwDB reversal.
I enjoyed the surprisingly good Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist last night, which was like Juno, except set in the real world and written about real people.
And it introduced me to my latest Semitic brunette obsession, Kat Dennings. Slap some librarian glasses on Ms. Dennings, and I would be forced to nuzzle and graze upon her discarded bobbysocks like a cracked up millipede, and then dance the Watusi wearing only a potato sack discarded by her great aunt Gertrude.
I would read her “Frog and Toad are Friends” by candle light until she yawned and texted her famous Hollywood friends to get her the hell out of my basement.
Yep. It’s Friday. And your humble narrator is losing it.
Here’s your Friday links:
Prinz Maximilian Michael Von Asshat. Time to fire bomb Dresden again.
Retro HCwDB: Wildwood, N.J. 1994. They have checks to cash.
Nightscroter David Hasselhoff douches up London. Although Kitt did rule.
I can’t tell if I should be flattered or sue them for a cut of the gate.
Christian Audigier shits on a motorcycle.
Things to do in Denver when you’re an oldbag. Poor dog.
And of course, I would never forget your reward for another week of ‘bag mocking and hottie lusting. Here it is, Ass Pear #10.
Friday, July 17, 2009Sexy Sadie and Scrotie Sal
That’s just way too nasty a chin-pubey lick on a milfy powerboobed hott for a Friday afternoon.
Then again, it’s nice to see Affliction ts still clinging to douchal relevance in the age of Ed Hardy Plague.
