HCwDB

    Wednesday, June 10, 2009

    Breaking: Kadebag to “Model”


    Noted tit-pimple and online national disgrace, Arthur Kade, has been booked for a fashion show.

    Archimedes looks at Kadebag’s nose and weeps.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 9, 2009

    Urban Cowbag


    We haven’t busted a truly Southern cowbag in awhile.

    That preening dressup rodeo clown, who corrals tasty, quality suckle thigh like Suzie, and then shows off his dickie. Note also the designer dog-tags, key to the classic Cowboy look.

    The second pic in this sequence doesn’t tell us much more about the Cowbag, but it does tell me that I’d nuzzle up in Suzie’s armpit like a feral hamster, and then cry softly to sleep. Yes, she’s got the crazy eyes. But I would forgive. Because, boobies.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 9, 2009

    Lumpy and Stephanie


    First we have Stephanie. A cool breeze of hottness on a warm, boobie-summer day.

    Then we have Lumpy. The Eighth Dwarf. Like Sleazy, Dopey and Asswipe before him, Lumpy left the land of fairy tales to get Jesus tatts and skull necklaces.

    How did Stephanie and Lumpy come together in a cohabitation of taint, somewhere in an abandoned YMCA rec room? There’s a story that involves the elfstones of Shannara, helium based Wehrmacht Luftwaffe and a gallon of chickenfat.

    But were I to tell it, I’d have to give up drinking and focus. And that ain’t happenin’.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 9, 2009

    Marty Oldbag


    Ah yes, the Oldbag. In this case, Marty Oldbag. With zebra prints, triple bling earrings and flashy Dalek cap.

    Marty Oldbag reminds us that there comes a point when a douchey saggy sack is still in the game, after so many years, that you gotta give respek.

    Good on you, Marty O.

    Your granddaughters love the pearls.

    EDIT: Reader Douche Wayne asks, is this HCwDB legendary oldbag Yellowtail in the (saggy) flesh?

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 9, 2009

    London Scalding


    Katie writes in from the land of Shakespeare, Dickens and Vicious:

    —–
    Hellooo,

    Please find attached a picture of what I believe is a douchebag. I leave it to you for specific classification. It seems that even in Britain, where there is little sunshine, and nowhere that stocks URCs, they have still managed to spawn.

    Lots of love,

    Katie x
    —-

    Indeed, Katie, you have tagged a classic ‘bagling in presence of budding hotlets.

    He is a wanker, a tosser, a git and bleedin’ annoying. Somewhere on the River Themes, a loo is missing its turd.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, June 9, 2009

    E-BLO is Thrilled. On the Inside.

    HCwDB of the Week finalist E-Blo is confident that he’s going to take the Weekly with ease. Voting ends tomorrow morning (see below).

    So much so that he’s celebrating with a milfy Long Island girl, not perfect, but still bringing the quirky sexy.

    You can tell E-Blo’s excited by his identical douche-face zombie stare. It’s 1mm more animated.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 8, 2009

    Breaking: Susan Partridge Dating a Danny Bonadouchey


    Courtesy of WWTDD, we have breaking news that noted classic 1970s TV character Susan Partridge went to Vegas this weekend to hook up with a Danny Bonnadouchey.

    In a related story, Mr. Brady never liked the Beaver.

    EDIT: I admit this post is rather confusing, but the joke was since she’s “Audrina Patridge” I’d do a Partridge family runner. That led me into a Bonnadouchey joke, which then led me to slip in a gag about Mr. Brady’s noted non-heterosexuality via “The Beaver.” Yup, the humor’s collapsing under the weight of too many tangential pop culture riffs. Time to start drinkin’.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 8, 2009

    Pubic Enemy


    1985. The number. Another summer.
    Sound of a funky bummer.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 8, 2009

    The Kitchenbag

    There are a number of key factors for the Kitchenbag to remember when posing with a barely legal in the kitchen at Dan’s ragin’ kegger.

    1. Show no facial expression
    2. Make only the most minimal attempt to hold the hott
    3. Make sure the pattern on your overpriced douche-shirt perfectly blends into your arm tatts
    4. Think about baseball

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, June 8, 2009

    The Moozer Voted


    What’s that?

    HCwDB of the Week Finalist The Moozer’s coming in with a second pic to try to shake up the voting?

    Pamela’s not looking as cute/innocent as she was in the previous pic. But the Moozer is as identically douche-faced and hand gestured as in the previous pic.

    Could this push the Moozer to an upset victory? Or cost The Moozer his shot at chin dribbling his way to a Weekly?

    # posted by douchebag1
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