HCwDB
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Monday, May 18, 2009
Tighty Armani Just Voted
HCwDB scrote legend and all around chinstrappy party boy, Tighty Armani, sez: Yo! Don’t forget to vote in the Monthly!
T.A.’s still bringing the ‘tude to the sorority pout hotts, I see.
That reminds me, this pud had quite a run with the ladies last year.
Methinks a vote for the Hall of Scrote is in order?
Monday, May 18, 2009HCwDB of the Month
Boo. And ya. It is here.
Four couples of hott and choad. Four couples enter. Only one may call itself HCwDB of the Month. Only one may earn a slot at the 2009 Douchies in the coveted category of HCwDB of the Year.
Which will it be? Here are your finalists:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Anchor Chin and Raquel
There is little missing from this cohabitation of stench and sexy.
In fact, it is nearly a perfect storm of hott and douche.
Of sexy pale cleavite that is begging for the DB1 to grease his head up and do a triple lindig betwixt those soft flesh pillows.
Of punchable Anchor Chin that is all chest shaved chin pubed spikey hair ‘tude.
I mean, just look at his smug douche-pout. Don’t you want to cauterize a kitten’s ears? Yes. Yes you do.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: The Crimson Goose
Bringing Orange to a whole new level of orangitude, this orangutan introduces a new douchal innovation:
The Goose Fondle + Text.
Factor in his complete ignoring of a self fondling Long Island Hott in slippy red dress, and the pic rises to a strong contender in the Monthly.
Then add in wallpaper books, and you have a visual commentary on how simulation has replaced the authentic in the age of mechanical reproduction.
Every great HCwDB pic needs that extra bonus that renders the whole scene into postmodern art, and wallpaper books does the trick. As do white, cotton undies, which I would awkwardly touch like a confused ape regarding a monolith.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Popeye The Scroter Man
Just try to imagine how the hell Popeye got into that Ed Hardy shirt.
Grease?
Pliers?
Is it actually not a shirt but a spray-on decal?
The hotts are hard to read for quality, but maybe that’s the point.
The Scroter Man has determined that his cig and pecs are more important than a gaggle of woo-hotties.
Which is quite the annoyance.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: Waxy McBrow and Rachelle
The only Monthly to feature a series of pics, Waxy and Goose and Waxy and Co., McBrow and Rachelle’s European Countries are tough finalists indeed.
Waxy bothered some voters because, other than the Rosary bling, he doesn’t bring a lot of visceral douchitude to the table.
Aha! But note the very subtle boob point.
And pants stain.
And punchable smug expression, all in presence of a sweet, innocent smiling Eurohott.
Okay, maybe not that innocent. But this couple is real, not just a PTP. And as such, it strikes terror in the hearts of millions of Europeans who fear that National Scrotecialism will lead to a dictator who will drive the country to douchal war as part of the infamous “Axe Powers.”
I have no idea what that meant.
So them’s your Final Four.
Think. Meditate on the hott. Ruminate on the choad. Which coupling most rises in foul toxicity to call itself HCwDB of the Month?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, May 17, 2009"Casanova" on being in the HCwDB Book
Out of one of the many VH1 shows comes this bonus clip of a “Chris Casanova” reenacting his discovery that he was featured in the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book.
Uhm, no, you have not “moved beyond that.” You are still a huge douche.
Sunday, May 17, 2009“Casanova” on being in the HCwDB Book
Out of one of the many VH1 shows comes this bonus clip of a “Chris Casanova” reenacting his discovery that he was featured in the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book.
Uhm, no, you have not “moved beyond that.” You are still a huge douche.
Saturday, May 16, 2009Greasy Eurobag Saturday
Here’s a classic example of that oily, Euro-peen, small cigarette smoking, entitlement, aristocratic Eurodouche type.
The ones that sit around in cafes and rub their pecs with cocoa cremes. The ones who have what I like to call “Fauxhawks of the Mind.”
And then there’s Katerina. From a small town near Dusseldorf, she was trained by cold and uncaring parents for ten years to be a champion swimmer. Until she rebelled. Took her inheritance, moved to Tuscany, and began dating Antonio.
But I would forgive her her transgressions. With soft, counter-clockwise rubbing of the upper shoulder area.
Friday, May 15, 2009Friday Thoughts and Links
If Boobie Hottie Suckle Thighs were adjectives, I would speak them.
If Boobie Hottie Suckle Thighs were perjoratives, I would curse them.
If Boobie Hottie Suckle Thighs were negatives, I would deny them.
If Boobie Hottie Suckle Thighs were coffee beans, I would grind them up, brew them, then slobber on them like a Pavlov-trained dog in a bell factory.
Here’s your Friday links:
The trailer for the show is now up at MTV.com: Is She Really Going Out With Him? Checkitout.
In Jerzey, they pump fists, not gas. Insert requisite fist pumping joke here. (warning: no hotts in video, only TopGun-esque heteroized homoerotica)
Anonymous Internet Uberchoad (AIU) Arthur Kade lists his mocking on HCwDB as part of his Press Coverage (scroll down). I gotta get this guy on the show. Or not.
Gawker tags the World’s Richest Douchebag. And Gawker even uses the word “douchebag” to describe him, even though they keep trying to retire the word. Nice try but it’s here to stay, Gawkerbags.
Ed Hardy sells decals. Another piece of the collective soul of human accomplishment peels off, shrivels up, and dies.
The biggest douche in the NBA.
Staten Island. Where Hotts and Douches go to fight.
Mega sharks? Giant Octopus? Deborah Gibson? Lorenzo Lamas? I’m there.
The Gotti Family is in foreclosure. I don’t know if I should really make fun of people losing their homes, but hey, blowouts.
And finally… because you’ve been good…
EDIT: Due to complaints about potential photoshopping in the South American Ass Pears I so generously provided, I am removing them.
To make up for any potential ass fakery, I give you the very real, very genuune Ass Pear La Plante #4 (with partial face-view bonus)
Mmmm… what a way to drift into Friday night…
Friday, May 15, 2009Superbag
Yes Karl, if you press on her abdomen, she squeaks.
Friday, May 15, 2009The Boat Gaggle
Gaggle of Sorority Hotts? Check.
Richard Edson in the back, celebrating after returning Cameron’s Ferrari? Check.
Starhead in the front who thinks he pwns because he made out with the chick on the far right last night? Check.
Ubiquitous Red Cups? Boobies?
Check and mate. By which I mean me, and the girl in the blue.
Yes, I just made a chess related “mate” joke.
Because one night in Bangkok makes a hard man mumble.
Friday, May 15, 2009Friday Haiku
Jean shirted poo man,
Mugging Iowa Corn Girls,
And Morkless Mindy.
Hey, filthy hobo
Get out of that Midwest dorm
Leave farm girls to me
— Mr. White
Picnic blanket hott
Gets bunny ears from sister.
“Desiree, QUIT IT!!!”
— boatbutter
Hillbilly found bic.
Hillbilly put bic to his chest.
Hillbilly smooth now.
— Rage and lust in the time of Holbrooks
Billy Ray Douchebag
Molesting those hotts hurts my
Achy breaky brain
— Father Guido Sardouchey
A waxed chest is sexy?
Hot girls say “Yes!” with their boobies
Can’t see douchiness
— JoMama
Thursday, May 14, 2009The Poonas Brothers
Note to tough looking douche with giant watch, electrified hair and chin-pube dribble:
Do not pose like you just stormed the Bastille and made out with a bar wench in the wash closet.
You didn’t. And you didn’t.
