HCwDB
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Friday, April 17, 2009
Friday Thoughts and Links
After suffering through yesterday’s site freezes, your humble narrator decided to hop a plane and head North.
Heeding the clarion call of needing to exit smoggy Los Angeles for the confines of Rice and Roni, my alcoholic ass is in the lovely S.F. for the weekend.
One thought becomes clear in my drunk, addled mind: The supple lower nape of the neck of hotts, aged 18-24, is the Veal Parmigiana on the menu of corporeal desire.
Here’s your links:
Orange Tanning problems, in the First Person.
Axe comes up with a new marketing strategy. Classy.
Uberdouche Arthur Kade explains why nailing a girl on his couch just isn’t worth his time. Until he can buy a bed, that is.
Asher Roth. Ironic, subversive artist? Or douche by another name?
Chuggo performs at a Sean Hannity Tea Bagging event. It makes such perfect cosmic sense.
If you’re feeling blue, just watch B4-4 Get Down on You. I’ve posted it before, but god damn that just never gets old.
Stuff “Stuff White People Likes” Likes to “Take Inspiration” From Other Blogs
And finally, for all of your hard work mocking the choadscrotes and celebrating the suckle shoulder with me this week, as well as putting up with yesterday’s site freezes, here’s your top shelf sorority Ass Pear.
Go forth and multiply.
Or at least crack open a PBR and breathe deep a breath of weekend.
Friday, April 17, 2009Raquel and Anchor Chin
I would hack my way through a field of overgrown lilies and angry bumblebees just for the chance to clean up the landfill overflow that contains a bobby pin that Raquel once used to keep the hair out of her cleavite.
Oh yeah, and the douche gargles alpaca scrotundae.
Friday, April 17, 2009Rusty the Frill-Necked Lizard Friday
Showing preternatural calm and the hyper-focus of a professional poothalete, HCwDB of the Week winner Rusty the Frill Necked Lizard makes the exact same “rocker” face, yet under entirely new conditions (different hott, different time of day, etc).
It’s like watching Patrick Stewart deliver the entire first act from A Christmas Carol while standing in a pouring hailstorm in outer Katmandu.
It is that impressive.
Or, as some might say, it is not.
Friday, April 17, 2009Hawk The Hairy Angels Sing
Well.
This is hawkward.
Friday, April 17, 2009Friday Haiku
Hark! Bronze need be flushed.
Professional Poobagg’ry,
And overcooked hott.
White “mark of the scrote”
Impervious to fake tan
Douchebag should use jiff
— Justin
Local drama club
Does Commando in blackface
Reviews are not good
— Mr. White
Choad springs out of bed
Leaves imprint on his white sheets:
The Shroud of Turd-in
— DarkSock
Cam’s bikini briefs,
gelled hair, and goofy-ass grin
Turn me bronze with rage.
— HCwDB-NYC
Present-day Midas,
Looks in horror as his touch,
Turns hott to poo-Bleeth.
— Blair
Thursday, April 16, 2009Rachel in the Meat Packing District
All sorts of publishing problems today makes the DB1 break out the Night Train and HoHos early.
I munch on some tasty chemical goodness, and sip some fortified wine from my Ubiquitous Red Cup, and contemplate this pic.
Poor Rachel.
So Bleethed. You can see her petals wilting into douchebaguette under the heat-lamp force of so many flexing Vegas poseurs.
You can also see her boobies.
Thursday, April 16, 2009Ask DB1: Future Shock
Hey, looks like the site’s sorta working again. Here’s an email from Dada:
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DB1,
Long time viewer, first time emailer. So, of late, I’ve been checking out the site and wondering to myself “what kind of pictures are of themselves are these dudes/hotts going to show their children?”
This all spawned from a singular photo of my father that I recently stumbled across. I laughed in his face about his 1970’s style bandanna, and he simply responded “that was how it was”, and I got to thinking.
Please explain how these dudes/trim intend to suppress such a serious amount of photos of themselves. Is it that they don’t care? Will they care? Do they have no consideration for their offspring?
— Dada
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I quote the great poets Wang Chung, who once famously sang:
On the edge of oblivion, And all the world is Babylon, And all the love and everyone, A ship of fools sailing on….
This is what I like to call the “Wang Chung Principle.” It states that the party is foolish, and yet it sails onward, regardless of oblivion. The only solution is to “Wang Chung Tonight.” Only twenty years later you wake up and you realize you had a brief moment of fame, but you called your band Wang Chung.
There is nothing we can do to avoid the folly of our youth, except to mock the douche and lust the hott. The rest will happen in due time.
Thursday, April 16, 2009Bozos the Clowns
The Bozos aren’t really uberdouches.
More like Floridian stage-2 Fratbags that wash on shore after a high tide.
As to Lola and Nikki in the middle, their vocal inflections could shred glass and neuter ferrets, but the boobies are firm and supple and could feed an army of hungry infants.
So I will lick each of their belly buttons in gratitude for their fertility.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009Ass Pear with Douchebag II
I’m sensing a new genre is emerging in the HCwDB universe.
And by new genre, I mean grabby butt bongo. And by universe, I mean gel-head.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009I Punched a Baby Seal
I punched a baby seal in the nose. It was right after seeing this pic.
The Baby Seal said, “Arf.” Sadly. Pensively.
So I apologized to the Baby Seal.
I said, “Baby Seal, I did not mean to strike you. It was not my intent to cause you pain.”
The Baby Seal looked at me with large, expressive eyes.
I continued, “For you see, there is a pic of a hot chick with a douchebag. And it caused me to do things I would not normally do.”
“Arf?” responded the Baby Seal.
So I showed the Baby Seal the pic.
And it punched a kitten in the balls.
