HCwDB
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Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Pugsley Addams — ‘Bag / Nottabag?
An anonymous reader submits this pic of Jimmy Workman, the kid who played Pugsley Addams in the Addams Family movie in 1991.
The reader asks us if Pugsley has grown into a classic level-1 choadscrote macking on a Collegiate Coed or not.
Nothing too offensive for Pugsley here. Just frosty head and some bizarro tatts. But still enough scrotal ‘tude is present to be worth a mild mock.
Da da da douche. (snap snap snap)
Whaddaya want? Complex humor? The DB1 needs a coffee.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009The Barbag
Here’s your classic Barbag.
No single overwhelming trait of choad.
Not some Bukowski anti-hero slinking through the retro-nostalgic dystopian underground wood panelings of Ramond Chandler by way of James Ellroy.
Not some boozy poet wandering through the night, with vague hopes to piece together the shattered splinters of his once coherent existence.
Just a classic suburban barstool sitting pud. Who loves Budweiser and his DVR, and smirks at all who see him in presence of a suckle thigh.
And then there’s Katherine. All sorts of small-town hope and sunshine hotness. In a red sundress that speaks of first dates and milkshakes and the DB1 humping her stuffed panda that she keeps on top of her bed during the day.
Suckin’ down chili dogs, right outside the Taste-e-Freeze.
Together, they are classic American HCwDB.
Monday, April 13, 2009Reader Mail: "Doin It Real Grande"
‘Bag Time Warper comments in the threads:
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Who are all you losers that visit this website? Get a life, are u checkin out the chicks? or the dudes fags. I happened to find my picture on the feb 2009 archive. First pic on the page! There was a whole bunch of haters that left comments. It is obvious that you idiots have no life, so you talk crap about people that you wish you were. Me and my boys were in Cancun Mexico doin it real grande. While you were in your dorm room, whackin it to youporn!
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I would say that we’ve been “served.”
If by served, I mean a verbal STD administered by a cracked up dancing wallaby macropod whose momma sells trickets for coin on the streets of Peru to pay for her hairlip surgery.
And I do.
Monday, April 13, 2009Reader Mail: “Doin It Real Grande”
‘Bag Time Warper comments in the threads:
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Who are all you losers that visit this website? Get a life, are u checkin out the chicks? or the dudes fags. I happened to find my picture on the feb 2009 archive. First pic on the page! There was a whole bunch of haters that left comments. It is obvious that you idiots have no life, so you talk crap about people that you wish you were. Me and my boys were in Cancun Mexico doin it real grande. While you were in your dorm room, whackin it to youporn!
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I would say that we’ve been “served.”
If by served, I mean a verbal STD administered by a cracked up dancing wallaby macropod whose momma sells trickets for coin on the streets of Peru to pay for her hairlip surgery.
And I do.
Monday, April 13, 2009The O Face
An anonymous reader in Vegas snapped this candid pic over the weekend, reminding us that while culture may change, Orange is forever.
As to the boobies, her dress is held on by a combination of magic leprechauns and spittle.
Monday, April 13, 2009With or Without Poo
It’s bad enough that you’re busting a wristdanna while mugging my brunette “Sharon Stone in Casino” future ex-wife, Bonobag.
Must you further outline your ass-chin with facial pubes?
It tasks me, Bonobag.
Now run through your greatest hits while pretending you’re enjoying this show more than the other 3,000 you’ve played.
Monday, April 13, 2009Hathaway and Valenguido Part II
Hathaway and Oompa Valenguido know who they’re voting for in the Monthly.
Do you?
But the next question is: Does the orange rub off like Cheetos mix?
Monday, April 13, 2009HCwDB of the Month
Here it is. It is here. Four slices of hott/douche meaning to be parsed. Four couplings of noteworthy societal rot.
But which contains the proper alchemy of taint and taut to rise to the top and call itself “HCwDB of the Month”? That, fellow ‘bag smackers, is up to you.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: The Primitive Marsupials
Hopping along the back roads of Vegas like an Australian digerati, the ‘Supials are all that is rotten about evolutionary flaw.
Tatted up chaos.
Hat tilt.
Stupid hair.
LeBron James warmup pantsuits. The ‘Supials are uberspew.
As to the hotts, make sure to click on this pic to enlarge.
And by enlarge, I mean boobies. Pink bikinis may be artificially inflated, but there is nothing artificial about my theoretical gnawing on their ankles.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: Doughboy and Gidget
Another in the Southern Rock Dude Who Looks Like That Guy Who Died in the Band “Sublime” Douche, Doughboy is smirky low-rent poo.
Gidget is retro-hott. 1950s bazooms.
I just saw Bud White and Ed Exley run by in the background, trying to figure out if Pierce Patchett was recruiting Gidget for his Fleur-de-Lis hookers cut to look like movie stars.
Whatever you desire.
Have you had your benediction, boyo?
Yeah, I’m just gonna keep doing L.A. Confidential dialogue until I get to the next slot.
And here it is:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: Purple Lips and Carmen
Gaybaggery?
Not so fast.
Purple Lips has too many clashing and atrocious stylings to simply be dismissed as the flamboyant gaybag who poses no legitimate threat to the hott.
Not to mention the Doggie ‘Bag maneuver.
And that fetid douche-scarf that makes me want to punch a koala in the nads.
Carmen is all sorts of coquettish hair extensions slutty hott tastiness.
She is good and bad. Like sweet and sour.
Like rain, on your wedding day.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #4: Crosshair McJohnson and Leia
The only Monthly finalist to feature multiple award winning pics of uberscrotery, seen here, here and here, CMcJ and The Latina Princess are a heavy favorite to take the Monthly and book a slot in the yearly.
The factors are overwhelming. Guyliner. Tight t-shirts. Macho ‘tude. Chinstraps. Frosted tips.
And Leia counterpoints with sultry Latina R2 battleplans storing sci-fi hottness.
So yes, it appears to be a Crosshair McJ landslide of douche/hott for the victory.
But we’ve seen “sure things” lose before (Kettlehead). Does CrossHair and Leia have what it takes? Or will one of the other couplings knock them off?
I need your vote.
Vote for the HCwDB of the Month, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, April 12, 2009Happy Easter from the Pointer Bros!
The Pointer Bros. say “wuddup?”
Yeah, I didn’t have a better Easter pic.
I thought about rerunning this Samurai Scrote pic, but I have a policy never to go to the reruns.
So this is what ya get. Happy eggs!
Sunday, April 12, 2009Cavedouche
It hurts when my love for goofy claymation runs into conflict with my contempt for douche products. I still condemn Lynx for perpetuating systems of cultural capital designed to exploit sexuality for profit, but the spot was kinda fun.
