HCwDB
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday Limerick
There once was a scrote in a band,
Whose ‘tude would expand on command,
He grabbed the sweet meat,
Of a petite little treat,
Ah, screw the limerick narrative, what’s with the hand?
HCwDB of the Week: The Primitive Marsupials
After a solid contest of scrote and boob, it was a strong victory for classic Vegas choad and curvy hott this week in the Weekly. The voters speak:
Chris in ‘Baghdad: I say the prize goes to the Marsupials…simple math and 20/20 vision add up to more douche markers that the competition. Higher math, say calculus, could probably calculate the exponential forces of warp-douche wrought by these scrotebags. Marsupes!
Doctor Douchelittle: Primitive Marsupials FTW. I predict the release of tattoo sleeve shirt reproductions within the next week.
The Donger: TPM – for the fact that pube-hawk and pink bleeth have matching ab tattoos. That and the Balls Deep pants on the other dude. All sorts of wrong here.
Yodadouche: The Marsupials, define douchedom they do.
dbBen: This is the type of life fail that most needs correcting. Society doesn’t need these guys, their music, their attitude, or anything that they deem important. But their RockBand band is TIGHT
Dead End: The Primitive Marsupials FTW, by just a tattooed pectoral muscle.
Anonymous: I vote for the primitive douchewanks. For everything within me screams out at the skidmark hairstyle on the dress-like “boardshorts” wearing douchwanker with his pooey self so close to those perfect orbs, albeit with a pearl necklace around her already. If that weren’t enough the 38 degree hat tilt looks dangerously close to the empty head of another luscious bleeth. I’m to going to cry now as I leave a mark on my toilet that looks much like half of this picture.
Billdouchiest the Wild Swine: The Marsupials, also known as homo habilis. Yes, they are the remnants of that extinct line of humanity, and were the orignal users of Axxxxxe body spray, some 2.3 million years ago.
Douchetros Douchetros Ghali: I want to wipe my ass with that mohawk, and I want to have a few days warning so that I can build up some dingleberries. Front to back, of course. Marsupials FTW
Sin Douchealot: has to be the marsupials FTW. while the shot is generic, the funbags fake, and only one smile in the picture, it’s the best representation of that which we seek to avoid. and, all things considered, isn’t that what the weekly douchies are all about?
Indeed it is, Sir D. And well said, panel. The Marsupials are one of those pics that grows on you. Like a fungus. The more you stare, the more it rankles. Nothing wrong with returning this site to a classic Vegas douche pic.
But the licking of hott Jean Jacket Jerry found support as well:
RAPETIME: This week there is no contest, Jean Jacket Jerry is the “winner”. That he exists is a crime. That he has touched Cheryl is a death-penalty offense. That he likely has profaned her loveliness with his shriveled genitals will send me off to my sleep weeping every night for the rest of my life.
douche springsteen: J-3 and Cheryl for the win. This pic combines the sacred and the profane perhaps like none other on this site. Thats the kind of guy who loves to smell his own balls and has no business being within 10 feet of that goddess. Cheryl, just say the word and I’ll gladly rip his tongue out with a pair of needle nose pliers.
Anonymous: Jean Jacket Jerry FTW! Everything about this douche reminds me of another famous douche, Bon Jovi (circa 1980’s, 1990’s, 2000’s). The jean jacket, the hair, the pose, the white jeans, the chain…. All he needs now is an army of 4 douches to complete his ensemble.
cool hand douche: J3 FTW. didn’t even notice white pants, wallet chain and low cut women’s v-neck shirt before today. cheryl is minxy hippie goodness.
I’m pleased that the non-traditional scrotewankery of Jean Jacket Jerry, and the uberhott of Cheryl, found appreciation. And by appreciation, I mean shoe-in-poo annoyance. And coming in a distant third was the pumped up Greazy-E:
anon Gee Bee: It’s Greazy-E – he’s got just enough d-baggery going – and the contrast with the tiny and tempting Blondie is extra-high-def.
Douche-Bo Baggins: Definitely Greazy-E. Look closely, not only does he have reptillian eyes, it looks like he’s missing a few teeth. He looks like a guinea pig eating extra from the old mini-series “V”.
Greazy-E was ultimately too friendly a ‘bag to really threaten. A kissy-lips and sneer would’ve helped his cause. And his hott is hott, no matter what they say about her thickness. But Todd brings it home:
The Marsupials FTW.
Their attire and tattoos indicate many, many past instances in which they could have, at any point, called time-out on their scrotewankery.
But no, nothing, no resistance at all. Just sitting there in the middle of the street, staring blankly…and thus deserving to be run down by our minivan of collective scorn.
Well said Todd, and props again to another excellent panel. The Marsupials at first appear to be just another Vegas Douche Duo macking on the hotts. But look closer. They are scrote on a level that deserves acknowledgement.
Book the Marsupials and the Vegas Hotts a ticket to the last slot in Monday’s Monthly. It should be a poozy.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009Snake Scarfgen
You’re in a desert.
Your unbelievable teeth meltingly hott blonde is pulling down her pants and offering up her boobs to be head rubbed with forehead grease and chickenfat.
And you’re staring up at the sky, wearing a snake scarf, a giant gold chain, and have a small ferret in your pocket.
You, sir, are a douche.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009Fakebaggery / Not Fakebaggery
Is this fakebaggery dress-up? Or the real deal?
And either way, should we set this Home Depot break room on fire?
Tuesday, April 7, 2009Wings McPoint
Wings McPoint? All that’s gone scrote as we turn our bodies into spectacles.
Elle? A perfect drink of hott water.
That straw? A tendril-like expression of my my psyche’s deep desire to curl up in her Holy Cleavite and meditate in deep, pensive repose.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009Ask DB1: The Economic Impact on Scrote/Hott Commingling
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DB1 –
Like most people these days, I have seen the troubling news about the economy. However, there is on segment of our population that I was particularly wondering about: Douchebags.
Simply put, with the economic good times coming to a screeching halt, ‘bagging could be seriously affected. Las Vegas, the sun in the scrote universe, is in decline. Wall Street day traders (a highly douchey profession) are seen as villains, and there isn’t enough money around with which to pay for Grey Goose, Ed Hardy gear or obnoxiously large designer sunglasses. As Paul Krugman recently stated, the douchebag lifestyle is, essentially by nature, economically unsustainable.
I can’t help but wonder what is next – does ‘baggery die away? Do dbags turn to wealthy cougars instead of young hotts in order to sustain their lifestyle? Does ‘baggery become more modest (more like hickbags, who are fairly recession-proof). Or does the douching continue, much like the band playing on as the Titanic sank?
-Sir Douche-a-lot
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Ah, Grasshopper, while the Douchewanks have become muted by economic recession, the putzitude in presence of suckle neck has hardly gone away.
While we hopefully will never, ever, see affronts like last year’s “Ritchie Bottles and the Wall Street Assclowns”, douche culture is only getting stronger.
If you think our battle is won, you need only look at the plethora of “Ed Hardy” spreading like a garish cultural plague as we speak.
No, sir. Our battle has just begun.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009Jean Jacket Jerry Wants Your Vote
Jean Jacket Jerry has swapped out Cheryl for Tonya, and wants you to vote for him in the HCwDB of the Week.
But will JJJ and Cheryl win?
Or will the Marsupials, or Greazy-E take the crown?
EDIT: Or is that Cheryl? I’m so confused. I need a coffee.
Monday, April 6, 2009The Tampa Bay 'Bagganeer
Lauren writes in from Tampa:
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hola!
i live in the tampa bay area and there is a bar down in south tampa called mc dittons… i refuse to go in there, legit meat market… all you see is tool bags wearing ed hardy shirts that are bedazzled out more hardcore than a five year old child from the 90’s, and a pair of true religion jeans… occasionally a pair of designer sunglasses at night…
these guys are referred to as STD’s…. south tampa douchebags… just thought i’d share.
love love love your site
xoxo-
– lauren
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It is shocking to discover that even in places of high culture and historic resonance, like Tampa, Florida, there are douchescrotes at work. And by high culture, I mean strip club mecca. And by historic resonance, I mean fratchoads shouting “Wooo!” in Ybor City next to a plastic kiosk selling iPod accessories.
Monday, April 6, 2009The Tampa Bay ‘Bagganeer
Lauren writes in from Tampa:
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hola!
i live in the tampa bay area and there is a bar down in south tampa called mc dittons… i refuse to go in there, legit meat market… all you see is tool bags wearing ed hardy shirts that are bedazzled out more hardcore than a five year old child from the 90’s, and a pair of true religion jeans… occasionally a pair of designer sunglasses at night…
these guys are referred to as STD’s…. south tampa douchebags… just thought i’d share.
love love love your site
xoxo-
– lauren
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It is shocking to discover that even in places of high culture and historic resonance, like Tampa, Florida, there are douchescrotes at work. And by high culture, I mean strip club mecca. And by historic resonance, I mean fratchoads shouting “Wooo!” in Ybor City next to a plastic kiosk selling iPod accessories.
Monday, April 6, 2009Smashing Blumpkins
Poor Penelope.
All she wanted to do was spend the afternoon in Vegas by the pool. Looking hott and making young men ache with longing in their nanny-poopoos.
Instead she’s getting mugged by the lesser known Grunge-era band, Smashing Blumpkins.
Like the great ZZ Top before them, the two in the front both have douchey facial scruff, while the guy in the back, the drummer, his last name is “Doucheyfacialscruff.”
Ironic, isn’t it.
