HCwDB
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009
'Bag / Not a 'Bag
PIC DELETED
With no hand gestures, no cheesy tatts, no annoying bling, and no douche-face, I’m inclined to give Overdeveloped Gentleman Who Could Snap My Spine Like a Pencil, a nottadouche pass and quickly move on.
Paola with the tiny boobs and archy back is all sorts of wrong-for-you Hott. You know she’s polluted by ‘bag virus, yet you’d still listen to her complain about how she needs a “sugar daddy” until her hair salon project gets funded, just for the chance she’ll make out with you for thirty seconds in one of the Cabanas.
But she won’t. Because her BFF just texted.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009‘Bag / Not a ‘Bag
PIC DELETED
With no hand gestures, no cheesy tatts, no annoying bling, and no douche-face, I’m inclined to give Overdeveloped Gentleman Who Could Snap My Spine Like a Pencil, a nottadouche pass and quickly move on.
Paola with the tiny boobs and archy back is all sorts of wrong-for-you Hott. You know she’s polluted by ‘bag virus, yet you’d still listen to her complain about how she needs a “sugar daddy” until her hair salon project gets funded, just for the chance she’ll make out with you for thirty seconds in one of the Cabanas.
But she won’t. Because her BFF just texted.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009Revised HCwDB of the Week: 'Bag Bats Maru
Yup, I missed it.
Your humble narrator, distracted by boobies and hat tilt, didn’t even make the connection that Studs Urkel was the one and the same as Sir Sucks-a-Lot, even as a number of readers tried to alert my hungover ass.
I did a cursory glance last week and I could’ve sworn they looked like distinctly different brands of douchebag. Then I matched up the Douche-Chin, and baby Jesus wept.
Two wins with two different hotts in two different douchological disguises is unprecedented here at HCwDB. Sir Sucks-a-Lot is making a strong case for HCwDB of the Month.
But for now, congrats to ‘Bag Bats Maru aka The Saturday “WTF?” You may be a famous designer, but this pic is too mockworthy to be denied. See you in the Monthly.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009Revised HCwDB of the Week: ‘Bag Bats Maru
Yup, I missed it.
Your humble narrator, distracted by boobies and hat tilt, didn’t even make the connection that Studs Urkel was the one and the same as Sir Sucks-a-Lot, even as a number of readers tried to alert my hungover ass.
I did a cursory glance last week and I could’ve sworn they looked like distinctly different brands of douchebag. Then I matched up the Douche-Chin, and baby Jesus wept.
Two wins with two different hotts in two different douchological disguises is unprecedented here at HCwDB. Sir Sucks-a-Lot is making a strong case for HCwDB of the Month.
But for now, congrats to ‘Bag Bats Maru aka The Saturday “WTF?” You may be a famous designer, but this pic is too mockworthy to be denied. See you in the Monthly.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009Orange Redenbacher
When even the hair is Jiffy Pop it might be time for Confused Cathy to reexamine her life choices.
EDIT: Reader KP just emailed to alert me that Orange Redenbacher may, in fact, be the notorious Pieface.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009HCwDB of the Week: Studs Urkel
All three pics had supporters. All three pics almost won.
But the creepy tri-vag facial pubes, 20 degree Jesus Bling Hat Tilt, and the sexy, curvy Cleopatra took the most votes:
dbBen: Studs Urkel. Only Ming the Merciless should have a beard that pointy.
Anonymous: i gotta go with Studs, easily the hottest hott, and the most punchable face of the bunch
The Donger: Studs Urkel FTW, but I nominate WTF for a 2009 Douchie in the category of Douchiest Bling.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Vaginas: studs urkel for the win. having cornrows on your face is a poorly thought out idea.
Anonymous: Studs Urkel, The unbelievable hotness to douche nozzle ratio is just too unbalanced not to give recognition.
Excellent and concise evisceration on the part of all ‘bag hunters and huntresses, good work people. But The Oily Bohunk also had support:
Frederic Choadpin: The simplicity of Bohunk may hurt him in the end, but he is all douche. His simple genius is reminiscent of the subtle and introspective genius of a Miles Davis solo, with the fecal stench of Kenny G’s soprano. Bohunk FTW.
stitchgroover: Gotta vote for Oily Bohunk. This guy is pure douche – no hats, no belts, no tatts… just essence of douche.
The Bohunk had classic ‘bag essence, and a tasty girl-next-door, and was a worthy candidate. Meanwhile, the freakish Sunday WTF aka ‘Bag Bats Maru also found support:
pineconeboy: The Sunday WTF is just too hilariously surreal to pass up. Another vote for Bag Bats Maru.
Anonymous: ‘Bag Bats Maru FTW. What more can I say other than grill + boobies = winner.
But the everpresent Anonymous explains why S.U. and Cleo are too strong a hottie/douchey coupling to ignore:
I would have to give Studs the win here as well. This douche-waffle shows an extra level of skeezerness by carrying around an SLR camera to make hotties think that their picture may wind up someplace other than this wank’s flat screen monitor in a darkened room (ok, that’s an image I will have a hard time dismissing) or MySpace. Besides, how can you take a picture with your hat pulled over your face and the lens cap probably still on the lens??
The camera was the key uber-douche givaway that many ‘bag hunters missed in this pic. It is technology as a douchrement. As such, it should be mocked.
Great work to all who voted, and we’ll see Urkel and Cleo in the Monthly.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009The Tacklebag
Rare is the tool that can lift up an armful of Daisy Duke Hott and still be able to make a ‘bag hand gesture.
I dub thee Tacklebag.
In honor of the great Tackleberry from the Police Academy movies. Who went on to a fantastic career in dinner theaters throughout the greater Florida area.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009Bling the Merciless
Since the light isn’t reflecting that annoying bling, I’m going to pretend it’s actually an image of Calvin and Hobbes sledding.
Anything to take my mind off the fact that Bling is rubbing up against Ski Bunny Satine, yet is focusing on daintily holding up his ginormous “medallion” to prove his manhood.
Sorry, Bling. Any claim to powerful hetero masculinity is lost when you hold your necklace up like Richard Simmons selecting a cream puff off the snack platter at his cousin Shelly’s wedding shower.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009Why Ed Hardy Sucks Alpaca Balls
Rebellious clocks.
Clocks that stick it to “The Man.”
Clocks that scream “Rocker tatts and Harleys!!” from the wall of your den or in the garage near your minivan.
Clocks that express the rugged anti-social individuality that you can buy 25% off at Macy’s if you use your Macy’s card. But only through Sunday.
And now, Ed Hardy for Women.
It’s official. Ed Hardy has replaced A/X as the mass-marketed poseur “individuality” branding product of 2009.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009The Turnips
When Suzanne told Vera she had to come out to the club and check out The Turnips, Suzanne thought she was speaking about a new indie band.
