HCwDB
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Monday, May 10, 2010
Hulk Brogan
Hulk Brogan wanted to take a moment from his Endless Summer of Boatbaggery to bring Nadia and Ubiquitous Red Cup by to vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
Sunday, May 9, 2010The Turkish Justin Bieber Loves his Radishes
After watching this, a bunch of Armenians proactively killed themselves.
What?
Too soon?
Friday, May 7, 2010Ask DB1: Whither Chris Cornell of Soundgarden?
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Hi DB1,
I’m a huge Soundgarden fan.
But like many Soundgarden fans, I strongly suspect that lead singer Chris Cornell is an irredeemable douchebag. He has several douchebag characteristics, such as carefully sculpted chin fung, frequent shirtlessness, fake dog tags, and spiky hair.
I’m attaching a couple pics as evidence for you to evaluate.
Wes
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While we frequently employ the patented “Rockstar Leniency Rule” to allow for some performative douchery in service of on-stage spectacle, it’s hard to excuse the early 90s grunge-clowns using this rule.
RLR is mainly to give musicians like Keith Richards or Jack White the right to wear flamboyant, if at times douchey, clothing, since part of their performance relies on spectacle.
It does not, however, excuse that hair. Cornell is a douche.
Friday, May 7, 2010They Are Seeking a Female to Have a Threesome With
Reader Anneke tags this librarian hottie/puddy douchey personal ad:
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About me: This is actually a profile for me and my girlfriend together. We are seeking a female to have a threesome with. We are amazing people and hope to find someone equally amazing :).
I’m looking for: Someone that is optimistic about life and whos personality clicks with ours
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Interestingly, after reading this profile, I’m now pessimistic about life.
Thursday, May 6, 2010Pumpito
Vezi Cocalarus retardus pe
It’s about time we gave this legendary international ubersquat a moniker, since he’s appeared on the site before.
I dub thee… Pumpito.
WARNING: No ladies to counterbalance the eye-melting pain of pumpito. This is pure, uncut, 100% douche. View at your own risk. HCwDB takes no legal responsiblity for injuries, either self inflicted or caused, by viewing this clip.
After viewing, click here.
EDIT: dbBen suggests a dose of Librarian Hott to soothe the pain, and I’m in complete agreement.
Thursday, May 6, 2010Uncle Jimmy Cuts Loose
I almost wanna give Uncle Jimmy a nottadouche and a goinpeace.
Since the work release program, Uncle Jimmy works hard at Rite-Aid. The pay sucks. And his manager is an angry shrew named Lola who cuts his breaks short by five minutes and refuses to give him the promotion to “Jr. Manager.”
So if Uncle Jimmy wants to cut loose on a Saturday and bust his finest silk black Yankee Cap and peace sign, while rubbing up on Helene, can we really call douche? I say no. Go in Peace, Jimmy.
Mmmm… Helene. Party Girl Helene. You are dirty sexy money, humpity arm spasm delight. Your boobs could cause an Arctic seal to slap a penguin and demand more floe space.
Thursday, May 6, 2010Caption This Pic
Joey had been lecturing for years at various Ballys Fitness Centers on the dangers of the rare but disfiguring arm toxin known as “Stairmaster gangrene,” but Kelly seemed particularly moved by his plight.
Thursday, May 6, 2010Swifferhead Endorses Affliction
Affliction, a subsidiary of Christian Audigier’s Douchewear Inc., has landed the coveted Swifferhead endorsement, after six months of negotiations.
Swifferhead released the following statement:
“When I bite blonde skull, nothing comes between me and my Affliction.”
Yeah, I got nothing this morning. More to the point, trying to determine if Susan here is one of the hott/nott ladies, where it depends on the angle. Hott? Nott? Hard to tell. So instead, I’ll eat a HoHo.
Thursday, May 6, 2010The Preppybag
Not since the mid 80s has the “sweater over the shoulders” thing been acceptable, Chazz. You’re not a major douche. But Preppybags must be mocked.
Pouty lipped Mila Kunis may have lost a bet at her sorority house, but that still doesn’t excuse your look.
No, not even in the rec room at Sigma Theta Delta (STD).
Ubiquitous Red Cup weeps for a future filled with trips to CostCo, extreme weight gain and a vague resignation to life’s limitations amidst banal and polite conversations with other parents at little league games.
Thursday, May 6, 2010Prom Night in the Flyover States
Because in Mobile, Alabama, they may not have the resources or the natural talent to HCwDB it up like the city kids.
But, dammit, they’re gonna try.
EDIT: As Choad Harolde’s Pilgrimmage wonders in the comments thread, are these two the same as those featured in one of the greatest works of art to appear on HCwDB, Still Life With Coors Light?
