HCwDB
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Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Stackhouse the Poet’s “I Hope the Cream Pie is Rich and Fulfilling”
HCwDB legend and early favorite at the 2010 Douchies, Stackhouse the Poet, is still out there. Still composing epic words of outsider art primitive poetry for his whobag jumpoffs.
In today’s four part masterwork, Stackhouse the Poet presents his epic tale of love and loss, “I Hope the Creampie Is Rich and Fulfilling:”
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finally in bed with my girl, its been an empty week, god knows I have been in need of long blonde hair, Ds and her gorgeous smile. off work tomorrow and couldn’t need it more. On top of the mountain. As usual, as expected. Gettin Some is a habit, get on my level diper dicks
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Trying to get some, but no one is in f*cking town. Looks like I’m taking my dime piece and a few stacks and evacuating the vacant town till monday. White sand, blue oceans, and 5 star restaurants sound fitting at this point in the week. Get Some
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I’m playing little miss drama queen tonight. Gonna douche my vag, twittle my clit, and go to work to make money for all my expensises that I could live without. My caddy always starts and is on full so ill just put 1 and 1 together than make 4. Get Some
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Stackhouse is single. My recently departed f*cked more people at FSU than I can handle, let some random dude she sucked off in the keys throw my 6 day old, diamond Tiffany’s ring in the ocean. Its no biggie 4 her cause she’s blowing fsu football players on the reg, at least the last time I dated a who-bag she drove a benz. I down graded & faked a relationship 4 the last time. Out after partying, holla at ur boy
So verbatim, my ex says she is keeping all my sh*t and is f*cking the sh*t out of some dude she works with. Lol, like I talk sh*t but I def don’t get my or faces filled to mask my insecurities. Good for u hun, I hope the cream pie is rich and fulfilling like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream. At least I know ur actually a whore now, so at least I have something to masturbate to.
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Like the hot donut sign turning on at crispy cream indeed, Stackhouse.
Indeed.
Jet Li’s “Kissylips”
I much preferred the original Hong Kong version. Hollywood just takes out the edge and adds kissylips.
Even Kosmo Kissylips gives this 2 and a half stars, with an extra half star for Kendra’s shower scene.
Jet Li's "Kissylips"
I much preferred the original Hong Kong version. Hollywood just takes out the edge and adds kissylips.
Even Kosmo Kissylips gives this 2 and a half stars, with an extra half star for Kendra’s shower scene.
Monday, April 12, 2010Kosmo Kissylips
Kosmo Kissylips has heard that classic Jerz Douche is now self-referential and ironic. But he’s havin’ none of it.
The Ladies of Scottsdale need some uber-game thrown at them by Kosmo and his Bros like a record-breaking Sidd Finch fastball.
Jennifer’s father was indifferent to her dreams of opening her own hand bag salon. So she’ll let Kosmo get a crack at her cooter as payback.
Monday, April 12, 2010Reader Mail: I'm the Biggest Douche of All
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your writing is kinda funny and all, but still, cmon man, youre the biggest duche of all for being so jealous. thats all i’m saying. admit it, am i right? duche. take your stupid site off.
– Rod
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Yeah, but it’s still cheaper than the $1 douche burger at Burger King. And has less calories, too.
Monday, April 12, 2010Reader Mail: I’m the Biggest Douche of All
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your writing is kinda funny and all, but still, cmon man, youre the biggest duche of all for being so jealous. thats all i’m saying. admit it, am i right? duche. take your stupid site off.
– Rod
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Yeah, but it’s still cheaper than the $1 douche burger at Burger King. And has less calories, too.
Peace and Sideboob
Interestingly, “Peace and Sideboob” was one of the working titles for the Oslo Accord.
Monday, April 12, 2010Spring Break Clownscrotes Voted
Paying more attention to silly toys than to the gnawable coeds who’ve gathered at their Ft. Lauderdale hotel because Kelly’s car broke down near Margate and she, like, totally can’t ask her dad for any more gas money, the Spring Break Clownscrotes wanted to stop by and vote in the HCwDB of the Week.
Have you voted yet?
Monday, April 12, 2010HCwDB of the Week
Our last Weekly before the Monthly brings three quality cuts of choice U.S.D.B. disapproved hottie/douchey slabs. Three may enter, but only one may taint supreme.
Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Squid Brothers and the Squee Girls
And lets not forget Bernie Squid going solo.
The Squid Brothers are classic Miami “hustler” poo. As such, they are to be mocked, and then kicked out of the Armani store on Miami Beach Drive. Because it’s closing. And enough already.
On the flip side, the Squee Girls are raunchy Hooters hott. The type you hate yourself for desiring, then get too drunk to care. I’d don linen bedsheets dressed only in a mumu and with my face and upper shoulder area painted in dayglo Bosnian oils depicting small birds and woodland creatures until Becky Sue called her BFF Monica and asked if I had had a troubled childhood.
And then I would fall asleep, softly whimpering in her detached garage which her parents had planned to turn into a one bedroom until Timmy left for the ROTC.
Do I babble over boobies?
Damn straight I do. I blame my early obsession with the Hot Chick on Mr. Rogers Neighborhood who always talked to King Friday.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Pleasy Punchmyfacekowitz
Never has a more appropriate name been bestowed upon a young ‘bagling than we find with Mr. Punchmyfacekowitz’s moniker.
Clearly, classic ‘bag attributes are brought forth in spades in this pic.
And by spades, I mean neuters.
So we can all agree that Pleasy Punchmyfacekowitz deserves to please have his face punched. Kowitz.
But what of Tonya? Surely, she’s got real world attributes enough to carry some level of HC to balance the equation.
But enough older sister pro-am skater sexy to win the Weekly?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Jed the Creepy Wankscrote and Penny
This was a tough one. While Jed the Creepy Wankscrote clearly is one of the most shocking of the next-gen emo cookie ear creepazoid freakshow douchescrotes to ever be featured on the site, Penny’s braces just make me uncomfortable.
She’s either fourteen, or nineteen. I can’t tell anymore.
So I was gonna disqualify the pic on account of Penny being highly probably underage, and hottie lusting really should begin at no earlier than ambiguously 18. However if this ain’t HCwDB in all its disturbing imagery, I don’t know what is. So it’s in. It’s made the cut. But lets focus on douche mocking here.
Either way, Jed will be elligible at the 2010 Douchies in the Most Likely to Give the Herp to a Farm Animal category .
Also likely to appear at the 2010 Douchies in one of the Hott categories: The tasty oiled up perfection of Dr. Rosentongue’s Maureen.
So them’s your three. Which rises to the occasion of most disturbing HCwDB pic?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, April 11, 2010Vulva Cologne
For when a man wants to smell like a woman’s hooha.
