HCwDB
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Saturday, January 2, 2010
Stackhouse Only Befriends Dudes that Annihilate
HCwDB poet, Stackhouse, reacts to the influx of “friend” requests by HCwDB readers on Facebook:
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Bro come on, I just ignored 43 friend requests from dudes that don’t have 1 friend in common with me..If ur trying to get on the Stack Attack my advice would be 2 get better looking, crush some pussy that I know of, & hit me up. Im sorry but any dude on my friend log, is either family, close, or a dude that annihilates… pussy on the Reg. Sorry 🙁 step ur game up, or buy a pocket pussy
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I believe “Pussy on the Reg” was the working title for Sir Isaac Newton’s autobiography.
But since I broke the HCwDB rules for Stackhouse again, only providing a Hot Chick in a pan, have the last of your Christmas Pear.
Friday, January 1, 2010Reddy Vedder
Yup.
New Year.
Same bloated orange Club Reds hitting on the tasty European barely legals with the sexy baby fat in the chin that calls out for the DB1 to nibble on it.
I know what you’re thinking. Reddy Vedder looks too red to be real. Must be photoshop.
Sadly, Reddy Vedder really is that color. Just like Ryan Seacrest and Dick Clarke’s corpse were last night.
Your humble narrator is carousing through the streets of New York and enjoying the snowy east coast suckle thighs, bundled up just enough to still show some curve. On Tuesday I saw Carrie Fisher’s one woman show, Wishful Drinking courtesy of HCwDB reader and stage manager of the show, Daniel, offering generous comps in appreciation for the 2009 Douchie Awards. Last night, I drank champagne, ate strawberries, stared at boobies, then awkwardly humped a lamp at 2am. Because I love lamp.
Hope all our ‘bag hunters and huntresses had DonkeyDouche-free New Years parties. The site will kick back in at full speed on Monday, with our first HCwDB of the Week of 2010. And it should be a good one.
But I’ll be sure to post at least one more poem by Stackhouse this weekend. Because I’m good like that.
Friday, January 1, 2010Xenu Says Happy Jumpsuit New Year!
Another HCwDB legend, Hall of Scrote member and founder of the religion of Douchontology, Xenu, wants you all to have a safe, enjoyable, and chest shaven New Years Day.
The ladies appear to be coming from some cult-like ritual involving pentagrams, chanting in ancient Sanskrit, and baby oils and pillow fights.
Which is good by me.
Thursday, December 31, 2009New Years Stackhouse: Stackhouse Runs the Dishwasher on Pre Wash and Heat Dry
HCwDB douche poet, Stackhouse, whispers stalkerish words of woo on his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook wall:
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I love you baby….miss u so much xoxox
xoxoxo miss u baby dont be sad baby bear…
i love u so much and cant wait for this weekend xoxox love u baby..merry xmas 🙂 wish u were under my tree
stay away from D BAGS or ill run the diishwasher on pre wash and heat dry
At least u get to observe good looking people, Noxville just may be the capital for people who gave up along time ago on self worth lol. Every bar serves food and all the booths are wooden lol, they don’t even know what a DJ is, I’m telling u I’m in a mini concentration camp of bad taste and no fun
Get ur irish drinking shoes on Las, ur #1 mate is ready to tell class to piss off and go crush pints with u 🙂 Don’t give me that non scense.
I thought u looked cute in all those pictures. I guess I’m only good at eating food and lifting weights lol. Have fun on the tredmill, don’t get tazed Ur such a philosipher. No wonder I love u so much!
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It’s like a sonnet by Italian poet Francesco Petrarch to his object of adoration, Laura. If you removed all wit, eloquence and pathos, and replaced it with bodyspray.
Get Some Happy New Year!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009Donkey Douche Says "Happy Grease Year!"
Well, actually DD just grunted. It sounded something like, groooopuhhhhgach!
But I’m sure that’s what he meant. As he rubs up on happy Minnesotan Anna with a great smile.
Our winner of the 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award also wanted to remind you that, if you don’t behave, he’ll be forced to bust Bathroom Self-Pose Groin Shave Reveal.
(warning: In laboratory tests, BSPGSR has been shown to sterilize small woodland creatures and cause normal humans to go CHUD)
Thursday, December 31, 2009Donkey Douche Says “Happy Grease Year!”
Well, actually DD just grunted. It sounded something like, groooopuhhhhgach!
But I’m sure that’s what he meant. As he rubs up on happy Minnesotan Anna with a great smile.
Our winner of the 2009 Irving Thallbag Lifetime Achievement Award also wanted to remind you that, if you don’t behave, he’ll be forced to bust Bathroom Self-Pose Groin Shave Reveal.
(warning: In laboratory tests, BSPGSR has been shown to sterilize small woodland creatures and cause normal humans to go CHUD)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009New Years Lickin' Eve
With New Years fast approaching, lets not forget that HCwDB is the place where drunk hotties get back at daddy by licking Tommy Shortbusian’s nips.
Groin Shave Reveal, ambiguously Irish free verse crotch-tatt, and two hotties nip licking like a Viagra’d Ryan Seacrest at a clambake in Provincetown?
You deserve a reward for suffering through this pic. Since it’s the New Year, I’m feeling generous.
Have some Pigskin Pear.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009New Years Lickin’ Eve
With New Years fast approaching, lets not forget that HCwDB is the place where drunk hotties get back at daddy by licking Tommy Shortbusian’s nips.
Groin Shave Reveal, ambiguously Irish free verse crotch-tatt, and two hotties nip licking like a Viagra’d Ryan Seacrest at a clambake in Provincetown?
You deserve a reward for suffering through this pic. Since it’s the New Year, I’m feeling generous.
Have some Pigskin Pear.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009Hot Chickens with Stackhouse
HCwDB’s now legendary poet, Stackhouse, continues to inspire us with his W.H. Auden-esque grasp of the subtleties and nuances of the English language. So much so, that I’m breaking the rule of the site, and running a Hot-Chick-free pic (albeit with hot chicken).
I title this short poem, “I’m the Impactor”:
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Imagine ur at a junk yard, there is a machine there impacting cars, tossing them aside 2 never be heard from again. That’s what 2night’s gonna be like, I’m the impactor, crushing pussy not cars, tossing them aside & like a 82 4 cyclender mustang, will never be heard from again. Get Some
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'Ranger Rick Resents Stackhouse
‘Ranger Rick, who first appeared after surviving a nuclear test blast because the goggles, they did nothing, is pissed.
Outsider-art primitive poet, Stackhouse, seems to be getting all the mock this week. ‘Ranger Rick does not want to Get Some. ‘Ranger Rick wants consideration for Monday’s HCwDB of the Week.
So here’s ‘Ranger Rick, mugging the zaftig but sexy Cindy with vacant simian stare and faux, but only a faded ‘range tan.
And here’s ‘Ranger Rick creepily leading Cindy to his pull-out sofa bed.
Is it enough to topple the ascending Stackhouse in Monday’s first Weekly of 2010? It’s not looking likely, ‘Ranger Rick. But we appreciate the douchal effort.
