Poolbaggery
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Whatever Happened to Uncle Richie and Aunt Maureen?
Now you know.
Benders in Reno never have happy endings.
It probably is best that your Dad stopped speaking to them after all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011The Holy Stomach Pooch of the Iroquois Nation Gets Tri-Macked
Little known fact: The first settlers to arrive in Arizona were douchey college pudwacks.
They leave that out of the history books, don’t they?
Fascists.
Yes that little hottie getting tri-macked is “Dances to Dangermouse,” lithe sister of yesterday’s The Holy Breasteses of the Iroquois Nation (note The Asian Design Major has migrated).
Thursday, August 11, 2011Shrinky Dink Overcompensates
Methinks “the shallow end of the pool” concept metaphorisizes this pic in on a number of levels.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011Enrique and the Art of Pink Undies Reveal
Remember kids.
Only true badasses wear pink underwear to the public pool on Saturdays when the 2-for-1 hoagie special is offered by the ladies of the Rotary Lodge.
Oh Burpy Brenda. I forgive you your poor choice in men and honor your wearing of the fabled Zoroastrian Veil of the Privates on top of your bikini.
For it hails the Holy Curve of Pear as the ancient legend foretold. So I poke it. And the lifeguard asks me to leave.
Thursday, July 21, 2011Juan’s July Fourth Cookout Was Better Than Yours
As Juan might say, “Challo! When not playing in my tribute band to short lived 90s sensation ‘Sublime,’ I like to wear beads and woo the ladies of Cal. State Northridge with my chinny chinn fung. Thanks for stopping by! Can I get you a Fresca?”
No, thank you, Juan. I will, however, awkwardly talk to Suzanne on the left by the BBQ and pretend that yes, I did totally love the Twilight series. And Lisbeth Salander is totally like my hero, too. Until she catches me drooling on her half eaten hamburger, and then excuses herself to go get some watermelon.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011Crystal’s Meth
Poor life choice, Crystal.
Don’t you watch “Breaking Bad?”
Wednesday, June 15, 2011Nobody Eats Cheeseburgers Anymore
I don’t know what to make of this pic, except that everyone’s abs look like the brownie mix used to make the alien landscape in the Alien poster.
I suppose in today’s increasingly obese world we should find some merit in overly worked out and semi-starving bodies. And I do. I find merit in Sophie Suckle Thigh. For her tautness, 10 pounds below the pooch suckle I normally approve of, is still quite quarter bouncy.
And by quarter bouncy, I mean playing quarters at Delta Tao Kai the night before a Chemistry final.
The Tim Brothers are douches. Because they are.
Sunday, May 29, 2011Pumpin’Head is a Vegetable
Alert Reader Insufficient Data For Meaningful Answer (idfma) notes that Pumpin’Head and his female companion have graced (greased?) the pages of HCwDB before – as none other than the June 2010 disturbance known as “Veg Armstrong”.
He’d make a great politician, because he never changes his position.
This guy’s building a large body of work. Now if he’d also build a huge head of steam, he’d be more proportional.
He’s set to make a run at the monthly…and by “monthly” I mean “locked cabinet full of horse steroids”.
Saturday, May 28, 2011How Stella Got Her Infection Back
Sexy Stella and her BFF Monique from Spanish Harlem thought they’d have their summer getaway in Vegas; a nice change of scenery.
And what’s waiting for them? The Cuchifrito, on the prowl for las señoritas de mala compañía…better stay outa that cabana, Stella…
Y’know, I am getting the weirdest sense of déjà vu with this guy…it’s like I’ve seen him before….
Ohhhhh, that’s right…scroll down to the very bottom of this web page; there he is again!
Friday, May 27, 2011Friday Haiku
Dialing in the sounds,
Jen’s pale human boombox has
Rectal subwoofer.
Ahab’s grandaughter,
Pinches nipple of White Whale,
Moby’s Dick gets hard.
– Hermit
We have brotha-bags
Hipster-bags, All kinds of bags
Is this Farmer-bag?
– Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifeit
Chazz Bono’s pool time
Causes others to throw up
“Pool Closed- Ten Minutes”
– Vin Douchal
Albino walrus,
Lets loose with a mighty roar,
Where is my seal club?
– Rockabilly Johnny and the Electric Foreskin Benders
Check out this jukebox
you twist his nipple to play
but it’s all Great White.
– Medusa Oblongata
