tattbaggery
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Thursday, March 22, 2012
Sleepy Jerkenstein Shares Knowledge With Cindy
“Did you know that every time you lick a stamp you’re consuming 1/10th of a calorie?”
“Did you know that Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes?”
“Did you know that Heinz ketchup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year?”
“Did you know that Armadillos can be housebroken?”
“Did you know that peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite?”
“Did you know that a hummingbird weighs less than a penny?”
“Did you know that the sore located in my upper thigh area is, in fact, infectious?”
Wednesday, March 14, 2012Joseph's Amazing Technicolor Pukecoat
Kim Chee’s asian supple milkshake taut boobal spackle in presence of Joseph is classic Vegasian Tuesday. Together they form a hypoallergenic short bus of stubbled wrongness in a Porsche driving into light pole, Commando style.
Yup.
No idea what I’m saying anymore.
Your humble narrator is in New York City. The city of dreams. Of inspired Woody Allen and Spike Lee movies, and craptasticly craven Jay-Z anthems.
Much pizza will be consumed. Oh yes. And bagels. Cuz that’s how Jews roll. And by roll, I mean bulky.
Thursday, March 1, 2012Pec Wings
Still out there.
Still pissing in the Dalai Llama’s cornflakes.
But on my deathbed, I will achieve total consciousness. So I got that going for me.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012Heavy is the Douche That Tatts the Crown
But he is not a King yet.
And before you claim that memorial tatts should be respected, let me remind you that I have buried many a beloved alpaca out by the water vapor farms, and yet I have memorialized none of them in tattoo form.
None that is, except for Shminkles.
For Shminkles was the cutest alpaca of all.
Thursday, January 26, 2012Name Tommy's Shoulder Tatt
My money is on Early 90s Bar Mitzvah D.J. Paul Rudd.
This calls for Attitudinal Tiny Dancer Maria Bikini Pics for solace.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012Buckles Jones and Miriam Von Bleeth Are a Vortex of Culture Suck
Okay okay, before the “I thought this site was called HOT CHICKS with douchebags?” comments start appearing, chillax.
This pic was too douchey not to mock. I mean fer chrissakes, if some corner of the internet doesn’t mock this steaming collection of Jerry Springer Bowel Movement, then I don’t know what.
If you need a slice of hott, enjoy some Champagne Katie Underwear POV. And then stop yer bitchin’.
Thursday, January 5, 2012Lobe Runner
Lobe Runner.
Bleething 18-20 Year old giggle continuing-ed coeds throughout the Greater Philadelphia suburbs with awful tattoos since December of 2011.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012Mitch Would Like You to Check Out His Demo, Yo
But not right now.
Mitch be throwin’ major game at his sister Tonya’s sorority bestie exchange student from Morocco, Pilar.
Pilar had never seen neck tatts back in Rabat. She finds them giggly and exciting. Like a Conquistador discovering Mayan gold upon shipreck in the southern moors, she chooses the wrong path, and the Gods do not approve.
Friday, December 2, 2011Fisthole
Beware. The. Fist.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011“Bring me the Butt of Frieda Garcia!”
For it is glorious.
Who’s Frieda? She’s my secretary. Who am I? The guy chomping on Frieda’s butt globbs.
Andy Swirlwind has the aesthetics of a rotting mango, and should be mocked accordingly. If Frieda’s butt globbs hadn’t drawn my attentions, he would, and should, be mocked further for being a heaping urberdouche.
