Where's Clownhomies?
Somewhere in this pic of party booble and daddy issues I’ve carefully hidden a lineup of annoying part-time Taco Bell employees who like to make jokes about what’s in the secret sauce.
Look closely.
Can you find them?
Reader Mail: The Captain Returns From Vegas
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Db1
Back from vacation, lemme tell ya it was another freak show in Vegas, some kinda hair stylist convention, a weird hairstylist convention (a shitload of herpsters who turned their hair into cotton candy running all over the goddam place, and they were feeding these creatures booze, lots of it!)
Anyways long story short during my downtime at the airports I did some trolling and dredged up a few pics, Santa claus I’m glad to say doesn’t run with goose! and a herpster has broken the light barrier while giving a piggy bag ride to a hot.
CJTD
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Some Days I Just Shouldn't Have Gotten Out of Bed
One day, I will punch a baby sloth in the nadsack with a rubber billy club as karmic retribution for the existence of this pic.
That day may never come.
But then again, it might.
Reader Mail: HCwHD
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Dear DB1
I’ve attached a picture that has me concerned. As a cheeseburger I feel threatened by this photo and hope this is just some fad and not some new disturbing trend. I mean seriously where’s the love for the cheeseburger?
but on another note, hott in the black & white top looks like this isn’t her first go around with a plumb, juicy hot diggity dog.
Pic came from this article discussing faux geek chicks, which I agree with. Fake eye-wear is wrong!!
– John Largemans Cheeseburger
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Hot Dog penis jokes are as old as the day is long, and as swung as the shlong is hung. That being said, good work JLC, for as old, swung and schlong hung as hot dog penis jokes are, they still make me titter like a tweener on twitter.
However, there is room for only one top dog. And his name is Nick.
"The Halo of Avalon"
I proclaim this one of my greatest artworks of 2012, and title thee, “The Halo of Avalon.”
My innovative work breaking down the hierarchy of taste culture by using found footage to offer a neo-expressionist critique of medium will continue to revolutionize conceptual critical perspectives on boobies and poo.
I leave the specifities of critical inquiry into the aesthete of the pic to the comments threads. But know that it is, in both formal properties and conceptual thematics, a ground breaking work, and one I will proudly include at my Guggenheim show in 2023.
Reader Mail: Sarah Tags a Carrot
PIC DELETED
Sarah writes in:
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Brett is a personal trainer at Gold’s by day, but when he goes out at night, he loves to wear his pink V neck tshirt all the time. In the first pic he shows his best douchy face. Just to support his douchness, I included his body building pic as well as another from 3 weeks ago with the same pink V neck and another hot chick.
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It is 2012. Pink douche-neck t-shirts are orange ‘roid tanning are both still out there. The battle most certainly continues.
Carlos Grabs Some Sun Pear
Unlit cigarette doucheface in presence of bobble fondle spackle jump glute chew-toy schnoodle humpy hump is just no way to wake up in New York on a Wednesday.
Yup, your humb narrs is back in Gotham. Alcohol will be imbibed. East Village hotties will be stalked. Luke’s Lobster lobster rolls will be consumed.
Porn Stars Attempt HCwDB Comedy with "Hollywood Douchebag"
As Ron Jeremy once said upon scratching his hirsute nethers, “Oy.”
I look forward to my residuals being paid in “Late to the Party” tokens. Either that, or massive daddy issues, a drinking problem, and clinging to the fading hope of vague promises of an audition for a hosting job with “E” that a sleazy dude who claimed to be a producer made one night at El Compadre.
Reader Mail: Douchey Wallnuts Reports From The Front
The Legend that is D.W. files this report from the Front:
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DB1,
I have returned from a two-week sojourn to the Cradle of Douchilization, The Douche Motherland, the crossing of the Doucheris and the Bleethphrates rivers known as Douchopotamia; The Jersey Shore – Seaside Park.
There is but only one assessment that can be made. Society. Is. Losing. And at a rapid pace. The Rapid Decay Theory that is used to explain the decay of the planets’ magnetic fields can be applied to our society. What we get – have – is a situation where Societal Loss is occurring at an exponential rate and the end will not be pretty.
The classic douche of the past has been replaced by the freak douche – tattoos, multi-colored Mohawks, those big pierced ears things, a lack of hygiene.
The douche from the old days would be a welcomed site at this point in our devolution. He would represent a quantum leap forward from the new status quo. The few old bags that remain are not enough to stem the tide. We have lost.
Paradoxically, bleeths are in abundance. Certainly, there are freak bleeths, but they are still the distinct minority, and what we see are freak douches paired up with classic bleeths. As Mr. Spock might say, “Fascinating.”
Thank goodness for the trashy bleeths. Track suits. Poofed hair. Over-make-up. Mini-shorts. Tight skirts. Check, check, check, check, and check. But what are we to make of the divergent paths of doucheal evolution taken by the sexes? I don’t know, and I don’t care. As long as there are taut suckle thigh pooch bellys wearing skin tight, mini-clothing and super high heels I will be happy.
And by happy I mean I will have a boner. A boner, I says.
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