Translating Trent's Sumerian Pec-Tatt
“Ye who followeth the fake boobeth into the pit of dispair, will know the true meaning of little jumpy buggies hopping amongst the hairs of one’s shlongmobile.”
The Sumerians knew about shlongmobiles.
Vinny Farfula Searches For His Car Keys
That’s nothing, you should see where Petey Bagotone keeps his snausages.
Kissius Vomitorious Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Ever notice this greased up party clown is always photographed in the exact same position?
At what point is this preening douchewank no longer considered a viable human, and is instead simply the sketchings of a limited graphic artist?
Props to the erotical facial moan of Mona for hott counterbalance. Her pouty lips push past the disaster of her clothes-strewn, utility bill unpaid, cheap third-floor-walkup rental on the south side of Pico and Robertson (her roommates want to kill her).
For tonight, at least, her pouty lips are transcendent pooch spankle.
HCwDB of the Week: The Chainer of Fools and Pouty Cass
First of all, props to the peartastic peartastitude of the great DarkSock for running a great HCwDB last week. I monitored as best I could during the pre-trials of my llama molestation case. Luckily, I was freed on a technicality when it turned out the llama was actually an alpaca, sending the whole case to kangaroo court.
Yup. No idea what I’m saying.
But I tip the cup of ‘Train to Sock for a great week of mock.
And while we’re about a month behind on doing a Monthly, what the hell. Here’s another Weekly winner.
The toxic rot of chainbaggery paired with Pouty Cass’s sexy lickable pooch fondle, was simply too much, besting Dimitri and Yakov’s Ukranian Brides, the pukey richasseryo of the Hamptonsbags, the flat-top brothabaggery of Kid ‘n Poo, and the groinal patricide of the Hot Taco.
A damn fine week of culture shredding mock. And the DB1 for oatmeal with raisins.
Sunday HCwDB Movie: The Legend of Trogdor, the Burninator
Hide your thatched roof cottages…the Trogdor comes in the NIIIIIIGHT!!!!
Also, these important updates:
Spikey and the Bath Salt Shaker Commend the Reader Comment o' the week
Spikey pauses from playing his Strumpet in the club only long enough to say “Yo, nice work, Bag Hunters…it’s a 3-way!”. Then back to publicly grinding the societal loss into our collective souls.
First up: Hermit, surveying the raft of 1%-er douchocity evinced in Wednesday’s “Yo, It’s Hard Up In These Hamptons”, opines:
“If one looks beyond the trappings of materialism, the designer sunglasses and fashionable clothes, he can read in the faces of these youngsters the pain lost love and broken homes. And, if he looks further, a set of low-slung milk jugs suspended by a pair of leopard skin tit hammocks.”
Then we have rat packer DoucheyWallnuts, regarding “John Largeman Jr’s Poor Life Choices”; D.W. says:
“I beg to differ. Given Largeman’s ample deficits, I think in this case he’s chosen wisely. These three would be beyond his pay grade to masterbate to, so to actually be in contact with them is on a par with the Ethiopians getting to Mars before we do.”
Mars, he says.
Finally there is Vin Douchal, riffing on “Kid n’ Poo”. V.D. simply utters “LL Stool J”…
It is this generation’s “Rosebud”.
That’s a wrap on another week of the collective mock…we’ll close out with a rare visit from Hall of Pear Queen Supreme AssPear LaPlante...Book ’em, Dano.
Caption This Pic
…Because frankly I have no idea what is going on here and I’m curious to hear your thoughts.
Comment as always in the, er, comments section. Yeah.
Friday Thoughts and Links – Rare Late Night Edition
Pay no mind to Silly Frames Fanny, or her mangina I’ll call “Dude Who May Or May Not Be Wearing A Shirt With His Own Likeness Emblazoned Uponst It” (DWMOMNBWASWHOLEUI, for short); neigh, I say… let us move on to Friday Thoughts and Links, DarkSock Edition. And by “DarkSock” I mean “Light on Thoughts, and later than Adele’s period).
First, on a somber note, tragic news about the loss of the mother of former regular Plinky; his mom perished in a freak skydiving accident, despite the heroic efforts of her OB/GYN to revive her. I’m just grateful that I had the honor of meating her.
Also, while there is some conjecture as to DB1’s absence this week, allow me to enlighten you as to what he’s really off doing… It just goes to show; everyone in Los Angeles is insane.
In fact, after meeting DB1 in person I suspected he may be suffering from Assburgers Syndrome.
This week’s movie pick: “Donkey Poop…How rare!!!!”.*
*Warning…You will be dumber for having seen this.
Well…time to address the 800 pound gorilla in the room. It really chaps my ass that many of you couch potatoes are only enthused when I helm because I supposedly offer Gratuitous Ass Pear.
Such as, for example, the glorious Gabrielle pics that Vin Douchal shared with me, featuring numerous prurient poses which I would NEVER post to this site, other than for purposes of this eloquent defense of my integrity.
Well, gentle readers, not THIS Dark Sock. I have True Grit.
Besides, even if I did post gratuitious pear, thanks to Title IV I’d be obliged to post something for the female regulars such as Nancy D, such as subliminal peen I happened to pause upon during a pee break during the opening title of last week’s True Blood…you see a show for 4 or 5 years, ya think you’d catch a subliminal orgy right under your nose…
Them’s your Friday Thoughts & Links, post-bed-time-style.
Son.
Jimmy "The Spindle" Torso has a boat load
When Jimmy invited the girls to play pirate, they had no idea it’d involve his sunken chest…
