Mr. Biggs Stalks the Stokke
HCwDB Hall of Mock genius and supreme ‘bag tagger, Mr. Biggs, goes on a mission to stalk the holy Pear that is Stokke, and came back proudly with the following report:
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DB1,
Allison Stokke showed up right behind me at the track trials, and agreed to have her photo taken with me. Verily the God of Abraham has smiled upon our audacity. Either that, or I am that savant type of stalker who just knows instinctively where his target plans on showing up.
– Mr. Biggs
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Truly supreme work, Mr. Biggs. And may all hail the Hottest Pole Vaulter since Claire Witzerbottom took the prize at the 1854 World’s Fair.
Friday Haiku
Hotties of the Rings,
find Assbo ‘Baggins fingers,
“Butthole, My Precious!”
One does not simply
douche at da clubs; arthritic
hand gestures needed.
— Wheezer
Lord of the Bling fails
To impress hotts with new show
Idea, “The Jersey Shire.”
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Olympic Rings Hott
makes me want to practice the
Breast Stroke for the Gold
— The Dude
Had fundraiser for
D-Bags finger condition
Raised sixty-two cents
— Anonymous
Mail order bride smiles
“Still, it beats Cherbnobyl.”
Not by a lot, though.
— Baron Von Goolo
Whoever makes Lord
of the Rings reference did
not get laid last night.
— Nancy Dreuche
Melvin Finkelstein Wears White, Spends $1500 on Bottle Service, Is Still In Over His Head
But I suppose on some level we gotta give Melvin Finkelstein a little something, you know, for the effort.
When Burning Man Goes Wrong…
… it smells like day-glo paint and parent issues.
Two "Bronies" Discover Holly Offers an Equally Fascinating Form of Animation
After attending “My Little Pony” Con, the Bronies decided to move on to new, more adult, forms of unicorn study.
Yeah, I got nuthin’. It’s the 5th. Still hung over from too many Hi-C juice box shooters. Recovering slowly with candle light and the mathematical study of Holly butt curve.
Crazy-Eyez Carlos and Hott Brazilian Gisella Say Happy July 4th!
What’s good for Carlos is good for America (by way of Mexico)!
Happy July 4th y’all!! (as I affect my southern accent for effect, thus demonstrating a clear knowledge of the difference between “affect” and “effect,” which then, ironically, proves that I”m not southern.)
Thanks for hangin’ with all them site buggin’ going on these days. Close to being fixed with the cleanup, things should be working a lot better.
Also, my personal blog, Lucky Punkass, will be starting up soon, giving me a chance to rant away at the larger cosmos while still continuing the hottie/douchey mock. Hope you’ll check that out as well.
For now, we grill.
Glenn Finds a New Use for Gaffer's Tape
That’s nothing. You should see Glenn’s Cat, Glenn’s other cat, Glenn’s baby, and, after a particularly grueling session about his hatred for his mother, Glenn’s therapist.
Victoria Points Out the Weenus
Most of you don’t know this, but Doctor Seuss’s “The Weenus Loves His Penis” was a best selling children’s novel in Bratvaria in the 1880s.
With sales of 3,500 lithographs, “The Weenus Loves His Penis” ranked just ahead of The Brothers Grimm’s classic tale of country mischief and the problem with greedy Jews, “The Jew Among the Thorns.”
And yes, that’s a real link. The past is not so golden, said the scorpion to the frog.
Where's Hatdouche?
As the sweaty, smoggy city of Angels gears down for the 4th, I must challenge you the following:
In this lineup of emotionally medicated sorority hotts from Kappa Kappa Woo, I’ve carefully hidden a smarmy hatdouche wearing Waldouche with a terrible case of jock itch.
Look closely.
Can you find him?
Mmmm… Kelly leg. I would slather with butter and salt and masticate like a brain-damaged ferret.
Herpsters at the Prom
Somewhere, in the distance, a sullen D.J. in a lime-green shirt from the 1970s puts on a scratchy 45 by Laid Back.
