Mack the Nozzle Approves of the HCwDB of the Week
Mack the Nozzle. HCwDB legend. Still running with the Goose. Still with tatted up douche everything.
No sign of the lucious Francine, though.
That reminds me. I gotta put this pud in the Hall of Scrote. That’s an epic run.
HCwDB of the Week: Infectious Rick and Connie Thong Pear
A lil’ of the ole’ classic HCwDB takes the Weekly.
Your humble narrator is in NYC, stalking the hipster hotts at the East Village Dog Run. NYC hums with the nostalgic hues of a post-Beastie-Boys universe. And yet it carries on, even as the last remnants of the East Village fade into a hazy obscurity of American-Appareltopia and Starbucks coffee shops.
Nostalgia, as Don Draper’s carousel taught us, is the puncturing wound of a memory that never was.
Comment of the Week: Mr. Scrotato Head
Mr. S.H. waxes briefly poetic in the Karl’s White Shoes thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
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When the wind kicks up at the county fair Kelly’s hair flies like blades of pale golden straw rippling under the hot mid day sun.
Most of it lands near the horse corrals, but some of it goes as far as the statue of Johnny Cash made entirely of butter. Just remember to check your wafflecone for any loose strands because the peroxyde ruins the taste.
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Friday Thoughts and Links
So far this week in Los Angeles I have witnessed annoying Silverlake Herpsters using agave in their coffee, a frustrated actor run into traffic waving his headshot, and Robert Blake buying rotisserie chicken at a Gelson’s in the Valley.
And all the vampires walkin’ through the Valley move west down Ventura Boulevard.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB CD Pick of the Week: “Well, she moved down here at the age of eighteen, She blew the boys away, was more than they’d seen, I was introduced and we both started groovin’, I said, ‘I dig you baby, but I got to keep movin’… on… Keep movin’ on….'”
The great Terry Gilliam picks the best animated films of all time.
My Kingdom to anyone who can get me a copy of Jerry Lewis’s infamous and never released The Day The Clown Cried. I will never find peace in this world until I can see this film.
The incredibly sexy and ubertalented Jennifer Damiano, already a star on Broadway, will someday be the future ex-Mrs. DB1. Oh yes. She most certainly will.
If you, like me, are a huge fan of the genius that is all things Vonnegut, this letter, written just after he was a prisoner of war in Dresden (recreated in “Slaughterhouse Five”) is an incredible read.
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady gets crap for wearing a fauxhawk.
But you are not here to posit theories about whether Giselle has ruined Brady’s athletic prowess through succubus power. You are here for Pear:
Like two hemispheres of Global Fondling.
Danny Gets Lucky
A little hope for the guy in middle management who likes to get freaky in his bathrobe and watch “Game of Thrones” while eating ice cream directly from the carton on weekends.
Good on you, Danny.
May those hills of the Targarians offer you hatching dragon eggs.
Friday Haiku
The wee man exclaims,
“¡Yo quiero Taco Smell!”
Old Bob has sour cream.
OR:
“I like a little
Mexican in my women”;
Says Literal Bob…
Bob the big winner
Gets a free round of salsa
Caught the ping pong ball
— Capt. James T. Douche
Frodo took wrong turn
instead of Mordor he found
Guadalajara.
— Douche Wayne
Larry tastes locals
Selection of tequilas
Wakes up kidney-less
— Vin Douchal
Spicy mons reveals
tattoo, midget reveals his
portable toilet
— Capt. James T. Douche
The keepers at the
Tralfamadorian zoo
mix and match humans
— Charles Douchewin
Mexican Gothic
Juanita y Juanito
Donde es Pitchfork?
— Doucheywallnuts
Taco, Burrito
What’s coming out her speedo?
A midget with dip!
— Jazz Hands
Three aliens land
In Mexico and assume
Normal family guise
— saulgoode42
The Memorial Day BBQ You're Glad You Didn't Attend
As the wise philosophers known as 3rd Bass once remarked:
’tis always ‘nother day that ‘ere Gas Face could be experienced. When not experienced, bow thine head in solemn prayer and give thanks. For Vishnu has forgiven, and the Boobie Hottie Sunrise of ‘ere tomorrow awaits. But when Gas Face is warranted, give thine enemies the Gas Face.
Sweater Man Twists
There’s nothing wrong with this guy other than some bad 80s J.C. Penny and his penchant for embarrassing Vanessa.
In fact, Sweater Man, like Cheeto Man before him, may bat for the home team. So lets wish him well with a notta and a goinpeace, even if his face is kinda creepin’ me out.
Time for a Lookinforcosmopear chaser.
Karl's White Shoes
There are many things wrong with Karl’s “Standard Douchebag Circa 2007” Look.
The matching white shoes and white belt are one of them. The smug sense of entitlement during a recession is another.
Karl’s blatant disregard for attending classes after enrolling in DeVry’s continuing education to become a refrigerator “technician” despite his Aunt Tutti’s will stating that she would pay for full tuition should he attend is yet another.
Kelly is what the French call “Le Buerre Visage.” Kelly was the hottest girl at the Iowa State Fair last night. Which says more about Iowa than it does about Kelly.
