You Can't Keep a Douchebag D.J. Away From Sucking on YouTube
And the inexorable death knell for creativity within the human species continues.
Comment of the Week: Olddog1
Olddog1 starts off on a boobie rant, and ends up wistfully pondering Sarah Michelle Geller’s career, in the Moaz Has High Hair thread and wins the coveted HCwDB Comment of the Week:
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She looks like Paris Hilton, with boobs. Or at least slightly larger boobs. Maybe Paris’s younger, better looking sister. She does not look like Buffy. SMG was never that cute. BTW, I am and always will be a big Buffy fan, but face it, SMG was only picked because she was little and she had worked on soap operas. Fox thought she might have a following and they thought they were getting a teen soap. Boy were they wrong.
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Friday Thoughts and Links
Prada bags. For men. Just don’t call them a “murse.”
I’ve been in kinda a mood lately. Not sure why. The world is stupid, we know this. But sometimes I’m more hopeful. And other times I see Grieco Virus in even the darkest corners of our haunting collective unconscious.
Then again, the 2000s were stupid. And the 1990s were stupid, too. Perhaps more so. We stood around with too much time on our hands and too much money and thought things like Presidential Peepee and Brittney Spears were interesting.
So there’s that.
But on our collective death beds, we will all achieve total consciousness. So we got that going for us.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “I admire you as a policeman. Particularly your adherence to violence as a necessary adjunct to the job.”
Ubiquitous Red Cup: For the Aristocracy
Dubstep. Everyone’s talking about it. No one really knows what it is. And in six months, no one will care. So enjoy Dubstep Cat.
You know what never gets old? The fart from Zapped.
The Ab-Hancer. For the laziest of the lazybags.
Okay, you’ve been good. Here you go:
Or, as the mathematicians measure it, 3.1415gnawchompbitesuckle
Places to Store Your Cigarettes #42
Well, I suppose it’s better than the pooper.
Yup. That’s as creative as it gets on a Friday.
I shouldn’ta eaten all those Twinkies yesterday.
Friday Haiku
Behold Rocker Todd:
Knows how to make barre chords, but
Can’t put on a shirt
Glenn Danzig Old Bag
Instead of singing “Mother”
Brings her to next gig.
— Douche Wayne
Leather, mesh, hair, dirt
Reminiscent of one thing
My bathtub’s drain hole
— Justin
Hercules, Xena
Have seen better days than this
Now battle the herp
— Dude McCrudeshoes
It places the shirt
In the basket or it gets
The hose. Her skin hose.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Ratt. Jackyll. Great White.
Best animal names taken.
Meet Marmoset.
— Baron Von Goolo
Yeah, I’d tap that hott.
I’d flop like a fish in nets.
Freeing butterfly!
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
twenty-six reds and
a bottle of wine should take
care of Rocker Todd
— Douche Springsteen
Clown Hardy Can't Wait to Post About His Amazing Night on Reddit
The lost Kardashian Sister, Shaniqua Kardashian, offers rarest of sexy belly button pokey lotus flower, while Sandra Dee giggles melifluously and keeps her legs properly posed to prevent Holy Turquoise Triangle reveal.
And if I ain’t making sense, blame Twinkie #9.
Moobs n' Boobs
No, you see Tommy, the way it works is we *want* to see Alyssa’s Cleavite. For she offers twin snack cakes of delightful mastication and future baby feeding agility.
Your cleavite just smells like Old Spice and semi-employment at the Snappy Snack Shack. One in every state.
To celebrate Alyssa’s round mound quality, my goal today is to eat twelve Twinkies.
Why?
Because if Twinkies are going out of business, I’mma go out of business with them.
Reader Mail: Someone Named Cream
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Dear douchebag1,
At first I wasn’t sure whether the douche was strong enough, as there was merely smug doucheface, finger point and sunglasses at night, in the presence of raven haired, olive skinned hott.
I persisted and followed the trail, stumbling across sunglasses in dimly lit bar, neck bling, and a virtual eyetrap of finger point.
The cherry on the cake comes in discovering that middle douche is none other than USA RAP STAR CREAM, made famous by this video cobbled together of clips from actual famous people’s videos.
– Docile
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Nothing says “rap star” like 263 views on Youtube.
"Ayyyyy" Guy Pays More Attention to the Camera Than the Garbunza Boings
And by Garbunza Boings, I mean soft poochy pooch dreamland bouncy luftwaffles that caress the night sky with the faintest of perfume and jiggle jello promise of a better tomorrow and a more hopeful future of butt pinch slapper slapp cute puppy humpty hump. Boobs.
