Friday Haiku
Mad scientist’s lab,
Crimes against humanity;
Douche clones rock sweet chaps…
Doublemint gum gig
Ends for Rainbow Douche Quartet
Can Schnapps now sponsor?
— Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt
Chance of twins is low.
Chance of finding those clothes twice
Mission Indouchable.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Hi, Americans!
We are shagging well these, eh?
You are jealous of.
— saulgoode42
This pic is either:
World’s ugliest quadruplets,
or four ugly dudes.
— hermit
Douchebag petri dish
Geddy Lee sample mixed in
Fertilized goat goo
— Vin Douchal
John Daly called. He
wants to know if he can buy
His pants back from them.
— The Dude
A midget sandwich
Is always unappealing
Even with bleeth bread
— Doucheywallnuts
do I see double?
perhaps I folded paper
before wiping ass
— creature
Lithuanian
Hair band can still pull groupies
And steal their chokers
— Choad the Douche Sprocket
Doctor Mengele
Tried his best and succeeded
Says now, “I’m Sorry!”**
— Doucheywallnuts
Can’t decide what’s worse
Casino carpet clothing
Or R.E.O. hair dos
— Mr. Scrotato Head
** “sorry”, he says
HCwDB Turns 6!
Six in internet years is like a hundred and thirty in human years, and seven hundred and twelve in Lohan years.
Kinda makes me wonder what old friend The Gator is up to these days.
C’mon Gator, lets celebrate!
It’s just special to me that some of you still enjoy checking in on my daily douche mockings and hottie lustings. This site has dominated my life over the past six years. It’s brought me incredible joy, some cash, a book deal, a TV show that ran three seasons, a screenplay sale, and a whole new career I never saw coming. It’s introduced me to funny and sick readers around the world. At times it’s had some incredible stress too, but it has changed my life in was I never could’ve forseen when I registered it as a free blogspot blog one bored day at work lo those six years ago.
I’ll keep it going for as long as I can. Who know where that’ll lead.
Onward and upward.
And may you all enjoy tasty snack treats and alcoholism as much as I have these past six years.
Breaking: April 2011 Playboy Playmate and All Natural Semitic Hottie Jaclyn Swedberg is Hott, Dates Douchebags
Not-so-famous Playboy model and potentially Semitic hottie, Jaclyn Swedberg, dates the douches.
Or perhaps that’s not breaking news at all.
Nor is it when Jaclyn Swedberg shames the Torah.
Reader Mail: Unclear on the Concept
——————
Bob Banks gregsteve505@gmail.com
Mar 26 (2 days ago)
to: douchebag1
Good Day,
Am Bob i would to know whether you carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock for sale if you do so email me with the price ranges on that so that i will know the one to offer and also i want to know if you accept
credit card as form of payment. Awaiting for your prompt reply.
Mr. Bob Banks
—————
Do I carry ( Bag Chairs ) in stock?
Perhaps I do, Mr. Am Bob Banks.
Perhaps I do.
Vinnie Doublepump Finds Brunettes on the Dance Floor
Vinnie Doublepump may be vying for the “Most Unworthy Nineteen Year Old of 2012” award at the 2012 Douchie Awards.
Enrique Celebrates his Trust Fund
Doucheface, transparent shirt and red hat is no way to go through life son.
Paid-to-Pose Kathy has the soft tummy of gummi-bear tranquility. I would dance on marshmallow clouds dressed only in a mu-mu and a face burka just for the chance to pooch spackle her grandmother’s doilies.
Vinnie Doublepump
Vinnie Doublepump occupies that abhorrent location in the mating game in which Barely Legal Kelly is:
1) From a small town
2) Not that intelligent
3) Too young to know better
The result is toxic sludge served in grade school cafeterias.
Ask DB1: Sports Competition and Doucheyness
————
Hey db1,
I come asking your view on a matter.
As you can see from the utterly retarded Under Armor shirt I’ve attached (fuccin’ Stackhouse, man), it seems the sporting world is starting to get pretty douchey with with the idea of being competitive. So much so that it’s no longer enough to say stupid shit like “Check out my swagger,” it must now be printed on a t-shirt.
Perhaps so people can hate the wearer before they even speak.
I once emailed asking if saying “hater” was autodouche.
I ask the same of this situation: does this type of apparel inspire the same Ed Hardy-esque foaming-at-the-mouth?
Are even real athletes exempt?
Cheers,
Douche of Arabia
———–
Performative Leniency Rule absolutely does not cover the ‘bag shirtwear. “Get Some” shirts, or any other sort of idiotic pumped-up slogan, is autobag.
So let it be written.
So let it be done.
Narm
Your scrubbley narrator is well shorn and back in misty Los Angeles. Lotssa pics in the hamper this week for hottie/douchey deconstruction. So lets do this thing.
Oh, and Narm.
