Ask DB1: Pre-Grieco Viral Infectors?
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DB1,
We say that douchebags are infected with the “Grieco Virus”. Since science has shown that the AIDS virus in fact existed long before it was identified and named, is it possible that there are unrecognized precursors to the Grieco Virus?
Who if anyone pre-dates Richard Grieco as proto-douchebag?
Can a “First Douchebag” be, at least in theory, identified, just as the first AIDS victim was found to be that male steward from the 70s?
Yours as always in endless opposition to the ‘taint,
– Dan
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Excellent question Dan, and yes, there are many pre-modern viral progenitors to the Grieco Virus, although none so fully cohesive as the Grieco Itself.
One example would be Schneider the pedophile janitor from ABC’s long-running sit-nanity, One Day At a Time. Protobaggery at its worst.
Svenhead is a Boobie Sensor
Warning: Svenhead should not be used in the presence of heavy machinery. If you experience a Svenhead lasting more than four hours, be sure to consult your doctor. Svenhead should not be taken after eating Italian food. Svenhead does, however, enjoy melons.
Coldplay Sucks
I have never liked the band Coldplay.
Preening Aryan Chris Martin’s musical pablum is generic chord vomit, a eugenics based fascist musical regurgitation of melodic spew. A computer program of inoffensive “hit” generation. If A$=minor chord, print “emotions sway like ecstasy.”
But is Chris Martin a douche?
So far, no. With Rock Star Leniency combined with his apparent refusal to spectacle himself into a clown like compatriots like Gavin Rossdale, along with his apparent responsible dad skills, means I can only hate the game and not the player.
Which pisses me off.
I’m watchin’ you, generic fraud for the millennial set. Your teenage weepsterbation is a societal crime. And it shall not pass.
Caption This Pic
Kelly was shocked to discover that the aroma of ‘roid sweat did not mix well with Tequila.
HCwDB of the Week: The Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake
Last week we had Herpsters and Fungwadius. Another appearance of orange legend, The Cheeto Man. We had Wittgensteinian philosophy and He Da Bes.
We even had a touring Assikus Anonymous. Which you should never do before eating.
But no coupling was more real world rancid than the Scruffwad and Jenny Milkshake.
For making me want to punch a baby seal in the uvula, they’se the last coupling for the upcoming HCwDB of the Month next week.
But now, your hungover narrator cleans up the Ubiquitous Red Cups over by the Alpaca feed after last night’s Oscars festivities, and enjoys a tasty Pop Tart.
Always Use Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Because a mind is a terrible thing to waste on shaving products.
Comment of the Week: Dude McCrudeshoes
From yesterday’s Tony Tentatively Makes the Rocker Horns for Melodie thread:
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Somewhere in Tony’s past is a whitewashed baby crib with layer upon layer of toxic lead paint. Today, due to deterioration in fine motor skill, Tony can barely make the rocker horns. It’s a heartbreaking condition. That’s why I ask you to give generously to the MPRA: the McCrude Prosthetic Rocker Horn Association. Your generous gift of $1000 dollars or more, or your generous donation of the sexual services of a barely legal quartasian, can help provide Tony with a lifelike hand that, through the use of space age titanium joints and lifelike silicone skin covering, can make Rocker Horns, the Shocker, and even the Spocker a reality for Douchebags like Tony.
McCrude Prosthetic Rocker Horn Hands are available in white, orange, and even darker orange.
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Friday Thoughts and Links
Oh mutant hand gestures for nearby cameras while Running with the Goose and when stalking party Woo girls like Kathy.
How you task me with annoyance and swelter.
How you itch my rectaculum with spectacular spectral speculum.
And, on an unrelated note, it makes me sad that the Beastie Boys are so old. “License to Ill” now refers to constipation.
Here’s your links:
You know the economy’s recovering when douchebags are getting into fights over models at tables in nightclubs.
On a related note, and well worth watching:
The great Steven Colbert bringing extensive ‘bag mocking about that story on his show. (starts 1:45 in) “Our douchebag beat up their douchebag” for the win. My cultural influence is complete.
Love the Colbert. My cousin was Colbert’s personal assistant for years and I gave him a signed copy of my book in 2008.
Bored this weekend? Here’s a great photoblog of candid New York city snapshots from the 1950s.
Or how’s about Mardi Gras 1938?
America: Land of Shirtless Tools With Too Much Time on their Hands.
DListed Asks: Would you hit the Grieco? If by hit you mean hit, perhaps.
The coolest three year old girl in history.
Just as Owen Wilson dreams of the 1920s Parisian Left Bank in “Midnight in Paris,” I dream of early 1980s downtown New York.
But you are not here for DB1 creative fantasies of unreality. You are here for pear:
Enjoy. Chomp. Salivate. Masticate.
The weekend is upon.
Tony Tentatively Makes the Rocker Horns for Melodie
Hitler Chin Fung and Sleeve Tatts are now so ubiquitous as to be unremarkable.
That is not acceptable.
So I will remark upon them.
They suck.
Melodie is all that is real world giggle-next-door party cohabit in the Realms of the Unreal cleavite inspiration. And so I thank her. And quietly ask for the check.
