Lobe Runner
Lobe Runner.
Bleething 18-20 Year old giggle continuing-ed coeds throughout the Greater Philadelphia suburbs with awful tattoos since December of 2011.
Reader Mail: Crotchos Is Turning
Taken on a tourist trip to Mykonos, Greece, Reader Dan submits proof positive of why Greece is facing hard economic times.
And by hard economic times, I do not mean crotch-peen.
No!!… Wait… Crotchos is turning…
No please!!… no more turn!!… (although I see you blonde poocher dancer)… I beg of thee!!… no more turn…
This performative Greek Tragedy calls for a Champagne Katie chaser.
Esoteric Wednesday
Because sometimes you say plate, and sometimes you say shrimp, and sometimes you say plate of shrimp.
Reader Mail: Backwards Baseball Cap Toolscrape
PIC DELETED
Kim snaps and sends in the following :
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not the clearist picture, saw these two at a DC bar. I’m pretty sure she is a gogo dancer and was smoking hot but this dude was a tool. He would give the rock n roll horns in every picture, steal other peoples drinks and make sure he was in ever picture with every girl. I can’t decide if the skinny jeans and backwards cap or pointing finger make him a bigger douche in the picture.
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On an unrelated note, “Real world bar haunting rock n roll horns giving asswipes with gogo dancers” was actually a sentence that appeared in an early draft of Henry George’s 1879 economic analysis, “Progress and Poverty.”
Bathrooms. Cell Phones. A Rhesus Monkey Flings Poo.
Boston University’s sophomore year keggers always end with Mindy in the bathroom with Brad, a bottle of hair gel, and a package of ass wipes on the floor.
And by ass wipes on the floor, I mean Brad.
And 2011’s Greatest Crisis of Modernity continues to haunt our society with steaming rhesus monkey poo fling.
Mitch Would Like You to Check Out His Demo, Yo
But not right now.
Mitch be throwin’ major game at his sister Tonya’s sorority bestie exchange student from Morocco, Pilar.
Pilar had never seen neck tatts back in Rabat. She finds them giggly and exciting. Like a Conquistador discovering Mayan gold upon shipreck in the southern moors, she chooses the wrong path, and the Gods do not approve.
Tony the Curdle
As in sour milk curdle.
As in old ladies who wear a girdle.
As in not a tortoise, but a turtle. A turtle with crotch rash and a trust fund.
I have no idea why I’m rhyming this morning. I blame the hurdle of trying to name the hottie pitctured here. I was going to go with “fertile myrtle” but lets just call her Adriana. Butt Pooch Adriana.
For hers are the external kernels of…well, boobies.
Wise Black Man Howlin’ Cat is having none of it.
Mexico Hates This Guy
In Tijuana, they have a local expression for this guy.
“Douchebag.”
Paid-to-Pose Hannah, she of potential Semitic Librarian Woo Hott status, hopes to someday be a cosmonaut and work in a beauty parlor.
Lets Do This Thing
Gearin’ up to fire up the Mock in the New Year, your humble narrator is stubbly, scratchy, and well post-imbibed from a night of half-awake revelry, cheesecake and Johnny Walker Black.
But our work is not done.
For there are Fratbros shouting “Bro!” in presence of Woo Hott Suckle Thigh.
And the intertextual mock must continue.
And Kimberly on Deck 3 likes to play shuffleboard with a large vibrating egg and black soap.
But first, a HoHo.
