Friday Haiku
Much like Spidey here,
This girl makes me want to shoot
Long white sticky ropes.
Love that tummy bulge
But Spidey has already
laid his eggs within
— FredN.
This is what happens
When radioactive douche
Bites normal spider
— DoucheyWallnuts
She lost her forearms
since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Venom was never
the smartest supervillain.
Bottoms at cleaners.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Brothabag Alonzo Discovers The Holy Cantalopes
There’s only one way to celebrate the discovery of The Holy Cantalopes.
By donning a white walker headdress and cooing “Yeu no knothing Jon Snow” into the mirror until long after you cancelled HBO because the other shows all suck until Curb comes back.
Neckkerchiefs
Still out there.
Still keeping backpacking Thai Partyboyz’s necks warm during the late night hours.
And I see you, Shenn-Chi. Gogo socks and bird braids will put the final dagger in the heart of your relationship with your uncomprehending old-world father, Bak-Lo, who grumbled sternly at your mother behind closed doors and never talked to you during family dinner time.
Your Thursday Crusty Vegas Pic
Yup.
It’s the return of Mobile Home Dave, the introduction of Trashy Sophia, and yet more evidence that the eternally Working-it Hello Kitty Hott is the hardest working shots girl on the Vegas strip.
Together, they represent the worst of that Pirates of the Caribbean horseship with a rock and roll grunge tip.
Max Drives Through Plutonium
Isn’t it fitting that it would end here. In a club on Douchebag Boulevard.
Annie had a plate of mashed yeast infection.
Yeah, I’m making 70s Woody Allen references. Got a problem with it? Because I like to stay current with the kids. Uhm… Skrillex shaves his head!! Ah, screw it. Back to antiquarium for me.
Breaking: Anorexic Justin Bieber Drives Fancy Car, Wears Spandex and Pink Shoes
It’s likea butch new wave hot chick from the early 1980s mated with the Pillsbury Dough Boy and squatted out an albino ass turd.
Still, it’s rare we find the HCwDB combo compressed into a singular corporeal form. And even rarer that it looks like a hiphop pelican.
Pukeface McAsshole McSucksalot McIhatethisguy
Even the Bleethy Ed Hardy wearing barely legal Bleethette cannot mitigate my contempt for Pukeface McAsshole McSucksalot McIhatethisguy.
For his is the mediocrity of which nugat draws its strength from.
And yes, I know what you’re thinking. Nugat is delicious.
It is.
But nugat is still just mass produced generi-toffee. And while it gives both Twix and Snickers its bursts of joy, it still draws from a well of assembly line suckage. And so the analogy stands, even if Nugat is delicious.
That’s my argument and I’m sticking to it.
What Happens in Vegas Defecates on Spiritual Meaning
“And lo, in the pine box trailer campers of desert abandon, there occurred events that made the Baby Tebus weep.”
— Levitiscrote 5:23
Where's Five-Boob?
Somewhere in this pic of Old Guy Who Should Know Better in the land of the Paid-to-Pose Mammaries, I’ve carefully hidden a Five-Boob.
Look closely.
Can you surreptitiously notice it?
Electronica + Asswankery = Asstronica
PO writes in:
———
Cosplay meets Douchebaggery at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2013 in Vegas.
The hostess with the mostest is Kina Tavarozi, apparently some sort of Vegas personality, with a tiny, taut little body, and rare earth magnetism for attracting DBs.
These guys all need monikers.
———
If mine eyes don’t deceiveth me, them there’s legendary HCwDB paid-to-HCwDBers Hello Kitty Hott and the King of Sears aka The Starry Blight. Only those most epic of douchepoo can continue to make hand gestures and Run with the Goose for years upon years.
And so we salute them. With a middle finger and our collective scorn for the vapid wastes of lives that they represent.
