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The King of Sears (aka Starry Blight) and Hello Kitty Hott Dance on a Bed at a Club
Growing and greased up HCwDB legend in the making (but not yet Hall of Scrote inductee) The Starry Blight, and his standard bottle blonde inflat-a-bleeth Hello Kitty Hott are starting to demonstrate a distinct longevity in hottie/douchey toxic display.
Let’s see.
2. No apparent means of employment or financing
3. Douchal signifiers in enough concentration to tranquilize Will Ferrell at a birthday party
4. Really, really, and I mean really bad tatts
Hmm. Our 2010 Douchie Winner for Douchiest Tatt is putting in an epic run. Vegas oddsmakers are upping the possibility of a Hall of Scrote nom if they keep this prodigious output up over the next few seasons.
The Leather Clad Groinwipe
Little known fact about Leather Clad Groinwipes.
Their willingness to spend untold amount of parental inheritance to resemble early 1960s Mod/Rocker gay biker fantasy imagery from a film directed by Kenneth Anger speaks against Freud’s latency period.
Hello Kitty Hott may wear pink hooker shoes and a thong. But Hello Kitty Hott is an expert at early aviation trivia.
Your Thursday Crusty Vegas Pic
Yup.
It’s the return of Mobile Home Dave, the introduction of Trashy Sophia, and yet more evidence that the eternally Working-it Hello Kitty Hott is the hardest working shots girl on the Vegas strip.
Together, they represent the worst of that Pirates of the Caribbean horseship with a rock and roll grunge tip.
Electronica + Asswankery = Asstronica
PO writes in:
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Cosplay meets Douchebaggery at the Electric Daisy Carnival 2013 in Vegas.
The hostess with the mostest is Kina Tavarozi, apparently some sort of Vegas personality, with a tiny, taut little body, and rare earth magnetism for attracting DBs.
These guys all need monikers.
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If mine eyes don’t deceiveth me, them there’s legendary HCwDB paid-to-HCwDBers Hello Kitty Hott and the King of Sears aka The Starry Blight. Only those most epic of douchepoo can continue to make hand gestures and Run with the Goose for years upon years.
And so we salute them. With a middle finger and our collective scorn for the vapid wastes of lives that they represent.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Might be time to put The King of Sears aka The Starry Blight in the Hall of Scrote. Just too much epic douchery over too many years.
And Hello Kitty Hott’s strange attractiveness has its own magnetic pull, despite her attempts to hide her white trash trailer park background like Clarice did in front of Hannibal Lechter.
Together, they make custard poo.
Your humb narrs enjoys post-rainy L.A. and dances in the falling leaves of his tree.
For the mail has come. More Netflixed 1970s -era Doctor Who.
It’s the little things in life.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB Broadway Musical CD of the Week: “In this part of Africa, we ALL have a saying – whenever something bad happens,
we just throw our hands up to the sky and say HASA DIGA EEBOWAI!”
White People Mourning Mitt Romney. Schadenfreude, thy name is sad anglos.
Now that Romney has more free time on his hands, I’m hoping he can go back to retroactively baptizing my relatives who died in the Holocaust into the Mormon faith in secret creepy-ass bathtubs in Utah.
Think I made that last thing up? Ask Mormon Anne Frank.
Okay, that’s it on current events. Back to the mock.
Ever wonder what Peter Pumpin’Head and Mary Mammageddon would dress up as for Halloween? Now you know.
Ever get the feeling the DB1 is totally out of comedy ideas and is simply recycling characters over and over again? Well aren’t you the clever one. Have some Champagne Katie with fellow hotties.
Europeans love their Pear. I don’t know what that sign says, but I like to imagine it’s a protest against public loitering.
Nothing says mofo badass quite like The Young and the Restless logo.
As to my upcoming art show at the Guggenheim in 2023, I have a new piece I’ve been working on for awhile. I call it “Benzio Du Horse #37.”
How’s about some pear?
More? Okay. You’ve been good.
Relax with lake pear. For Friday has come again, as it does 1/7th of the time.
Douchiest Douche-Face: Tighty-Whitey Douche
Douchey Wallnuts hands out the award:
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Eleven months, over 50 candidates. Poo, poo everywhere and what a mighty stink… Going back to the beginning of 2011 and coming up with this list was an eye-melting, brain cell-killing experience that had me reaching for the promotional sized bottle of Maker’s Mark, while I wept for the magnitude of the Societal Loss on display on these web pages.
My criteria was simple, if they appeared in a picture and had been given a nickname they were eligible. There were rare exceptions where the face was so punchable that I decided to give them a name and enter it into my Douche-Face Analyzer. I was able to whittle the list down to a manageable 6 candidates.
Which brings me to my first nominee, Tighty-Whitey Douche who appeared in a group picture in November. You can see why he made the cut.
The Herpster. He makes me hate, as do all good (bad) douche-faces. I’d love to make his head tlit permanent via a broken neck.
A. Samuels. This is a video entry, which makes his face more douchey and more frightening. Not only should A. Samuels get punched in the face, he should get stomach cancer.
Gynochin. In the monthly winner comments Dude McCrudeshoes said it best, when he recognized Gyno’s “impressive body of work.” Societal Loss at its best.
Too Tight Tony. He embodies all the classic symptoms of the Grieco Virus, while toiling in relative anonymity in Middle Douche-Earth. No need for any other pictures of this guy. He doesn’t have to win a monthly. He represents all the one-shot, randoms on the site.
Hello Kitty Hott. Since we are equal opportunity mockers I see no reason why we shouldn’t include a female nominee in this catregory. She’s made many appearances, but deserves a full-on punch in the face for her douchette-face and for her taste in men.
And the winner is….
Tighty-Whitey Douche is the recipient of this year’s Douchiest Douche Face Award. A face you would kill, on top of all of the de rigeur douchebag elements.
Groin Shave Reveal, bathing trunks that make him look like a total dick, bleeth that is both hot and tranny-like and a complimentary douche-bleeth couple who are borderline award-worthy in their own right.
He didn’t need to make a overly “facey” face or execute a contrived “for-the-picture” expression; his face in its natural state is the epitome of douchey.
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HCwDB of the Week: Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate
I must’ve been tipsy on rice wine last week not to realize that Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Kate were the same hottie/douchey poolaggery combo that appeared on Friday as Spencer and Sexy Lacey.
So even with a two week back catalogue of hottie/douchey pukosity to wade through, this was an easy HCwDB of the Week.
No ‘bag/hotts came close to this level of innovative douchal development (Jesus Bling tatt) and lithe pool suckle hot poochle in Kate’s taut, albeit a tad too skinny body.
And there were some notable ones. The two that nearly took the price: Dances with Crabs, Stands with Cosmo and Scratches with Itch, and Muttonchop Max and Megan. Both brought itchy wrongness to the game.
And lets not forget the pewey poolbaggery of Shrinky Dink and Karen.
Also notable over the past two weeks, the return appearances from HCwDB legends like Brazilian Emo Hulk, old friend Big Red, Unfinished Tatt Guy and Gorgeous Sandy, Prickles the Clown, The Starry Blight and Hello Kitty Hott and The Greasepitz.
Nor shall we forget Perfect Sucklechomp Amanda. Whose leg I hump pensively in the abstract and with full due respect.
But who are we kiddin’?
For sheer classic ‘bag pukeshoescrape and tasty if slightly underfed hottitude, Joey Lumpcrustowitz and Vegas Kate were not to be denied.
Slot ’em for the next Monthly. And slot me for a microwavable breakfast burrito. Cuz I’m healthy like that.
Friday Thoughts and Links
Just when you think the hottie/douchey cohabit is waning, you remember that Vegas crusties like Hello Kitty Hott and The King of Sears are still out there.
Still shouting, “Bro! Wassup?” And then making intricate hand slaps with people whose names they can’t quite remember.
Here’s your links:
Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!”
‘Baghunters beware! ‘Bag Tagging can be dangerous.
The best five minutes you can waste this weekend should be spent on appreciating the genius that is N.Y.C. (1983). Should’ve bought one of those Keith Harings or Basquiats.
An early candidate for douchiest athlete of 2011, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant ejected from a mall for baggy pants, throws a fit.
The late, great Bill Hicks explains Christianity. We need you now more than ever, Bill.
Moronic pseudo-celebrity clown Chris Brown is still a douche. Or just wants to stay relevant. I know this story is boring and old, but it had to be noted for austerity.
For those who can truly appreciate a hot chick no matter the form of her jibblies, I give you Thailand’s Got Talent. And now I’m disturbed and questioning everything about myself.
When douchebag arrogance becomes dangerous.
In sign #523 of the impending douchepocalypse, The Fake Ab Concealer.
For those who missed it last week, “The Situation” reminds us what happens when douchebags try to do anything other than flex.
But you are not here to mock the pathetic packaging of The Situation. You are here for Pear:
That pic is like some weird hallucinogenic flashback to 80s hott fantasy. I’m talking Sherilyn Fenn 80s. Good times for the early pubescent development in your humble narrator.
I will toast the memories (mammories) of Fenn all weekend. For the weekend is uponst. And spring is here.
HCwDB of the Week: Ronnie the Rivethead and Woo Girl Kelly
Last week was a week for visits from old friends.
And by “old friends,” I mean legendary uberdouche mockworthy hyperpuds who deserve nothing but scorn and a good showering of epithets and mock. Like The King, The Starry Blight and Hello Kitty Hott, the legend that is Smoot, and we even found The Starhawk hangs with Hello Kitty Hott and The King.
But amidst the classics, we found a new and distinct pud macking on hott in the douchiest of ways. Ronnie The Rivethead, and the tastiest of party girl woo hotties, Woo Girl Kelly.
As reader DarkSock put it at the time:
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Ronnie, a veteran of the 2007 U.S. led invasion of Homoslavia, threw himself onto a Faberge’ Egg grenade to save his platoon. He lost the use of his left nut and eventually lost his taste for girls and barbeque; eventually diagnosed by the VA as suffering from Post-Dramatic Ass Disorder.
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DarkSock’s backstory is both metaphorical, as well as literal. Ronnie’s sagging pimple flesh and diaper, plus Woo Girl Kelly’s ridiculous hottness, was too toxic a combo to ignore.
A well deserving HCwDB of the Week coupling, and the last of our entries before next week’s open vote for HCwDB of the Month.
Also, props to Grampa Joel. Who still wins at the game of life. As well as Mahjong by the Ft. Lauderdale pool at 2pm.
Reader Mail: Melissa Went to High School With The Starry Blight
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First off, I want to tell you how much I love this site. It has brought me hours of tearful laughter and joy. I even had a Hot Chicks With Douchebags themed birthday party a couple years ago.
Now, I went to high school with this douchebag. A few days ago a friend of mine that I went to high school with forwarded me the link to his Facebook page. It was amazing. Instantly, this website popped into my head.
He was a skeevy little slimeball then, and it’s nice to see that not much has changed. The more things change, the more they stay the same right?
-Dyed spiky hair? check
-HUGE Tattoo of poor quality of his own name on his torso? Check
-Overpriced outfits that scream “I’m just trying too hard?” Check
-The same creepy cold serial rapist expression in every picture? CHECK!
I would like you to understand how hard it was to just pick three pictures of this supreme douche nugget.
Enjoy.
– Melissa
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Excellent tag, Melissa. The Blight, aka “The King of Sears,” along with his tasty Bleethy Hello Kitty Hott, is fast becoming a scrotal legend.
