Friday, January 28, 2011

Reader Mail: Melissa Went to High School With The Starry Blight

—–
First off, I want to tell you how much I love this site. It has brought me hours of tearful laughter and joy. I even had a Hot Chicks With Douchebags themed birthday party a couple years ago.

Now, I went to high school with this douchebag. A few days ago a friend of mine that I went to high school with forwarded me the link to his Facebook page. It was amazing. Instantly, this website popped into my head.

He was a skeevy little slimeball then, and it’s nice to see that not much has changed. The more things change, the more they stay the same right?

-Dyed spiky hair? check

-HUGE Tattoo of poor quality of his own name on his torso? Check

-Overpriced outfits that scream “I’m just trying too hard?” Check

-The same creepy cold serial rapist expression in every picture? CHECK!

I would like you to understand how hard it was to just pick three pictures of this supreme douche nugget.

Enjoy.
– Melissa

—–

Excellent tag, Melissa. The Blight, aka “The King of Sears,” along with his tasty Bleethy Hello Kitty Hott, is fast becoming a scrotal legend.

# posted by douchebag1
9:40 am January, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

“Supreme Douche Nugget”.
.
Melissa, will you marry me? Not even in a gay way. I just want to feed you homemade pastas and cakes and listen to you talk shit about douchebags.

9:44 am January, 28 jonezy said...

red suit “chick” always poses like that to keep Mr. Chubby from showing

9:47 am January, 28 Douchesquire said...

sucka douchebags, shall call him “Sire”…

9:55 am January, 28 Douche Springsteen said...

Bomb Vegas. ‘Nuff said. Now where’s me ass pear?

10:16 am January, 28 Vin Douchal said...

He looks like Keith Richards and Ray Davies fucked each other up the ass, sent the poo/goo to a lab and gestated this goat balls sniffing asshole in a petri dish of severed lamb penii and Elmer’s sparkle glue until the stench in the lab made The Chicken Heart knock it over with it’s elbow and the resulting mess ended up in a janitor’s bucket but continued to gestate and eventually ended up at Melissa’s high school, born with a shitty Elmer’s sparkle glue crown tatt and the word “Starry” on his torso , hence the name , and began a lifetime of staring at two places at once with that lazy eye gimmick until he found a mostly blind silicone bimbo to pose for photos and make believe she’s his gal as he cuts a promo in pools across Vegas .
.
True story

10:19 am January, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Melissa
.
Were you the only normal one that went to Douchebag Butterface High School? Was the school mascot a pillow biting yoghurt farter? You principle, Richard Head, stops by sometimes to make comments on the douches here. And now you’ve discovered the reason(s) not to ever go to a high school reunion.

10:22 am January, 28 Wedgie said...

I like the photo above; “Hello Titty” and friends. Except for that guy third from our right in the red mankini. That type of visual can scar one for life.

10:23 am January, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

Sweet batter-dipped behbeh jeebus on a stick! Check out Pinkcap McStripenbooben (the one next to Hello Kitty Minor) – those are some farm-workin’ gams! A man could get his head popped off like a champagne cork between those wanton pillars of love-beef. My hat is off to Starry Blight and his uncanny ability to attract women with one disproportionate body part.

10:24 am January, 28 Wedgie said...

^Last time I saw cankles like that, they were hitched to a plow.

10:25 am January, 28 Wedgie said...

And Michael Johnson wants his gold Nike’s back.

10:25 am January, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

By the way, Blight, robot street performer called. He’d like his shoes and glasses back.

10:29 am January, 28 FoghornLeghorn said...

I don’t know. The tall brunette babe looks out of place in this crowd. Maybe she passed freshman algebra, or something.

10:31 am January, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Chicken Heart Pt 2
.
This one is better

10:31 am January, 28 Wheezer said...

Can King Sharty make a run at the 2011 Yearly? Given his work began last summer, this is something the Boss may have to decide.
.
And there’s Hello Kitty Bleethy Boobie Hott on the left, and again with her left hand sort of pulling down her skirt-thing. Her plastic clone is wearing the black and gold bikini.
.
I don’t understand how Christina Aguilera and her red bikini got mixed up in this mess, though. Maybe she wanted to sample the Mr. White beverage the others are enjoying.

10:43 am January, 28 creature said...

someone forgot to take out the trash

10:45 am January, 28 Douchble Helix said...

That skankfest actually brings Hello Kitty down a notch. That’s Bleeth-power!

10:51 am January, 28 Crottenham said...

Hey Melissa, well done can we all get a gander at the dude’s facebook page? Thnx!

P.S. Even for Vegas this pic is over the top……

10:53 am January, 28 Vin Douchal said...

This looks and smells like the tangled mess when the repairman comes over and reaches into the garbage disposal and pulls out that handful of blechh that’s seizing it up

11:11 am January, 28 mr.reeve said...

The King of Sears strikes his best C3PO pose with the Silicone Dolls.

11:14 am January, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I hate to sound like a broken record, but I have two words for this picture; Tranny Train.
.
Is this a new trend, chicks who look like guys dressed as chicks?

11:25 am January, 28 Douchble Helix said...

What if some other blond was wearing the Hello kitty outfit, and that was the ‘real’ Hello Kitty in the black and gold? I think it’s possible.

11:37 am January, 28 Nancy Dreuche said...

The King of Jeers had gold shoes. I’m sold. Put him up for the yearly.

11:39 am January, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Fuggit. You tell me.

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/5697/blondiea.jpg

12:05 pm January, 28 Captain Garanichode said...

Time for some Beach Blanket Dildo!

12:06 pm January, 28 Captain Garanichode said...

Make that Bleeth Blanket Bingo!!!

12:07 pm January, 28 George Bush said...

Is hello kitty a twin or sister? Or as some have suggested are they brothers?

12:10 pm January, 28 George Bush said...

I like Utersladder better. I hear that name, and think of festering, drippy cow udders which is what this guy is.

12:14 pm January, 28 DarkSock said...

I actually enjoyed Hello Kitty’s performance in The Blues Brothers; here she is:
qewt

12:18 pm January, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

My goodness what a mess, Red Bikini bleeth encapsulates what happens when copius daily amounts of drugs (Legal & Illegal) & alcohol are ingested to ward of the soul wrenching trauma brought on by self loathing and daddy issues. She looks like she in her late 30’s but I bet she’s still only in her mid 20’s.
.
As for Starry in the second picture he has that “Star 80″ psycho look to him, I would tell Hello Kitty to sober up, put down the straw and make a clean break for it.

12:23 pm January, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

And what’s up with the Ron Burgundy action figure in Hello Kittys hand??

12:40 pm January, 28 Blinded by the Shite said...

You stay pissy, Seattle.

12:49 pm January, 28 Deltus said...

@BvG (10:23) – “wanton pillars of love-beef”. I swear to god I just about choked, I was laughing so hard at that line. Kudos, sir!

1:08 pm January, 28 Crazed Aborigine said...

Jeebus, I have heard of “lookalike blondes” but now this is over the top. I thought that was hello kitty bleeth in the black and gold until I looked very carefully.

I think this pic will require much closer scrutiny, after I crop Blight, his transexual brother in the red bikini, and the dumbass vegas backstop out. A little quality time with just me, tall brunette that looks too smart to be here, and Hello Kitty- lookalike-younger-cuter- taller-sister-in-black-and-gold.

1:15 pm January, 28 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I’ve said this before, but I think it needs repeating: I say we lift off and nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

1:25 pm January, 28 Captain Garanichode said...

I think that it’s safe to assume that these aren’t the virgins promised by allah yahweh to the 911 terrorists?

1:39 pm January, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

There seems to be some confusion here. I’m pretty certain that the original Hello Kitty is sporting the black and gold, and that Hello Kitty Minor is the one on the left wearing the more typical HK ensemble.
.
Further evidence is her proximity to Starry Blight, her trademark rectangular smile and, of course, the thunderous cans. HKMinor puts on a convincing display but unless she got a boob reduction since all her other photos were ever taken, I gotta think she’s the impostor.
.
So which one is it?

2:07 pm January, 28 mr.reeve said...

BVG, Hello Titty major is on the right of Starry Blight and her C-Cup sister Hello Titty minor is on the left.
CG, maybe when they were 12 they would have qualified.

6:51 pm January, 28 Douchble Helix said...

Don’t youse guys click on my links of Hello Kitty?
Anyone wanna tell me how to make the image appear right on the page? Thanks.

8:01 pm January, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Here, kitty, kitty…time to go to the vet for your spay. And would someone grab that tomcat, too? Time to nip his fuzzy balls off. Nothin’ says “WHONK” like a tom cat sprayin’ ‘ round the place.

9:10 pm January, 28 Stephanie said...

Yup,tranny train for sure. It’s yet another category that needs it’s own link,website,clothing line,and people to mock.

9:10 pm January, 28 Stephanie said...

Go Packers!

11:07 pm January, 28 Wheezer said...

The only way to tell the bleeths apart may be to examine their bolt-on installation dates. They should show right under the serial numbers.

12:30 am January, 29 Motorcycle Parts said...

A lifetime of looking at two places at once with this gimmick lazy eye until he found a white silicone bimbo mostly to pose for pictures and make her believe she is crazy when he makes a promotion in pools throughout Las Vegas.

8:03 am January, 29 Melasaurusrex said...

Maybe I can even scan in some year book photos. Only the regular class photos of course. It’s not like he was in any clubs. The “Taint Impersonators Club” had not yet been founded.

8:25 am January, 29 Nancy Dreuche said...

@MP! Yes, you cut through the red tape! Fantastic!

7:43 am January, 30 Douchie Arnaz said...

There are some *beasts* in that picture. Cept for the skinny little kid.

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 6 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)