Friday, March 25, 2011

Friday Thoughts and Links

Just when you think the hottie/douchey cohabit is waning, you remember that Vegas crusties like Hello Kitty Hott and The King of Sears are still out there.

Still shouting, “Bro! Wassup?” And then making intricate hand slaps with people whose names they can’t quite remember.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!”

‘Baghunters beware! ‘Bag Tagging can be dangerous.

The best five minutes you can waste this weekend should be spent on appreciating the genius that is N.Y.C. (1983). Should’ve bought one of those Keith Harings or Basquiats.

An early candidate for douchiest athlete of 2011, Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant ejected from a mall for baggy pants, throws a fit.

The late, great Bill Hicks explains Christianity. We need you now more than ever, Bill.

Moronic pseudo-celebrity clown Chris Brown is still a douche. Or just wants to stay relevant. I know this story is boring and old, but it had to be noted for austerity.

For those who can truly appreciate a hot chick no matter the form of her jibblies, I give you Thailand’s Got Talent. And now I’m disturbed and questioning everything about myself.

When douchebag arrogance becomes dangerous.

In sign #523 of the impending douchepocalypse, The Fake Ab Concealer.

For those who missed it last week, “The Situation” reminds us what happens when douchebags try to do anything other than flex.

But you are not here to mock the pathetic packaging of The Situation. You are here for Pear:

Condo You Can’t Afford Pear

That pic is like some weird hallucinogenic flashback to 80s hott fantasy. I’m talking Sherilyn Fenn 80s. Good times for the early pubescent development in your humble narrator.

I will toast the memories (mammories) of Fenn all weekend. For the weekend is uponst. And spring is here.

# posted by douchebag1
12:42 pm March, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I don’t know who Vanessa Hudgens is but I think that I deserve to feel as ashamed and horny as I am at this moment.

12:51 pm March, 25 Chupacabra said...

That’s no Sherilyn Fenn, dearest DB1–that’s Lara Flynn Boyle showing you some prime Twin Peaks real estate. And I’d call that a cozy place to park your Log, wouldn’t you?

1:02 pm March, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

This picture totally squicks me out. Hello Kitty’s body is well, it speaks for itself. I even think there is still a price tag hanging of it. But the face? It’s a Stygian monstrosity that belongs on a mountain top passing its one tooth and one eyeball back and forth with its 3 sisters. I wouldn’t touch that thing with Dark Sock’s dick.
.
But the King is what is really causing my lunch to rebel against my epiglottis and demand its right to hurl itself in a continuous stream against the far wall. It looks like the unholy crossbreeding of Ray Liotta and a bottle of Bud Select 55.
.
Sherilyn Fenn almost makes up for the atrocity. Can we pretty please have a non-graining Fenn pear?
.
You want to feel guilty, Rev? Hudgens Pear:
http://www.damnimcute.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/hudgens21.jpg

1:03 pm March, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmmm! condo I can’t afford.
.
.
.
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What? I meant Hmmmm! Pear

1:09 pm March, 25 Banana Hammock said...

i’m thinking of doing dirty things to this Bleeth….VERY DIRTY THINGS

1:28 pm March, 25 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Funny that I’ve known Rick Liss for years and it took HCwDB for me to see that movie of his. Good stuff! I just hope a bunch of dickwads who were born in Ohio circa 1988 don’t now start lamenting the Disney-fication of NYC. Yeah, it was much better living in a city with 2245 murders (1990) or in the early 80’s when the number was over 1500. Anyone says shit about the city now vs. then is AUTO-BAG!

2:24 pm March, 25 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Thanks for the much needed dose of Bill Hicks

2:34 pm March, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Et Tu.
.
Those derrieres are past my statute of limitations and therefore require no guilt. I would tonque their assholes like a crazed Kroeger Jr. in grade 10 and prematurely ejaculate while they told me there would be no penetration of their sweet tight holes with my penis. And my ejaculate would of course be smeared on their faces. Son.
.
MC.
.
I was in NYC once and it was disappointing in it’s non-offensiveness in the 90’s. I want hookers and Huggy Bears.

.Chris Brown
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You better not fuck up anymore. Dr. Bunsen is one violent fuck like the Chad.

2:36 pm March, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Dude McCrudeshoes

2:40 pm March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

HEY! Nevermind all that ….
.
.
Chupacabra,…. is that you, baby ?

2:45 pm March, 25 DoucheWeasel said...

Prominent titty veins = implants!
Wannabehott.

2:55 pm March, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Monster truck murderer looks like he could be Jason’s brother, Stackmidget

3:15 pm March, 25 soy bomb said...

Chupacubra…DB1 is correct, that is Sherilyn Fenn! And her Twin Peaks are most welcome to these eyes.

3:18 pm March, 25 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Rev Chad
.
Aw Rev. *blushes* Stop it. You make feel like a little schoolgirl. *blushes some more. toes dirt around my shoes* Thanks.

3:19 pm March, 25 I R A Darth Aggie said...

You want to feel guilty, Rev? Hudgens Pear:
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Damn. Double-barrelled pear…
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The monster truck dude is an Okie-bag.

3:40 pm March, 25 Menschenjaeger said...

Yeah, that’s Fenn. God DAMN it why didn’t she try to revitalize her career by appearing nude more? Why? WHYYYYYYYY?

5:03 pm March, 25 Anonymous said...

UTTERSLADDER!!

5:27 pm March, 25 Anonymous said...

When is Hello Kitty Hott going to take her rightful place in the Hall of Hott?

5:43 pm March, 25 Meleki liki Mock-a said...

^When Hello Kitty Hell Freezes over.

6:09 pm March, 25 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hall of hott??? She’s what awaits at the bottom of Sarlacc’s gullet.

7:16 pm March, 25 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Hello Kitty Hott wears too much makeup to hide the fact that she’s a 47 year old fish dog.

7:53 pm March, 25 tall guy said...

I love condo pear. Helly Kitty Hott looks like a nott.

8:11 pm March, 25 creature said...

Hello Kitty hott needs a broomstick so she could sweep my floor hands free, & by ‘my floor’ I mean…

8:17 pm March, 25 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Hmmm. I think Condo Pear might just be that maid you also couldn’t afford that came with the condo, and whose shoulder blades might well be mistaken for the asspear component after way too much booze and Ambien.

8:48 pm March, 25 Douchble Helix said...

Any of you homos say another bad thing about Hello Kitty Hott, and you’re on the list.

8:51 pm March, 25 Douchble Helix said...

The article refers to the tri-mohawk as ‘three pronged’.

At least *they* can count.

10:58 pm March, 25 Steve L. said...

i would’ve kudo’ed the “unidentified victim” for his adventures with Three Prongs (a distant relative of Four Prongs, perhaps?) were it not for his… $100 sunglasses.

11:01 pm March, 25 Steve L. said...

i may not be able to afford the penthouse that houses the impeccable jewel of earthly pleasure that is Condo You Can’t Afford Pear, but at least i fucking built it!






… well i’m just saying.

11:17 pm March, 25 Steve L. said...

and if that penthouse was designed by Crucial or DarkSock, they can probably afford a threesome with CYCA Pear AND their hot wife.
.
wall, meet head.

12:11 am March, 26 Jacques Doucheteau said...

A friend of mine went to Thailand and hooked up with a Thai lady boy. Halfway through the best blow job of his life he reached down to grab a boob and got a fist fill of tissues and chest hair.
.
Now I know how he feels.

6:31 am March, 26 MD said...

Hello Carrie Underwood!

10:50 am March, 26 creature said...

a Vegas plastic surgeon is driving a Lamborghini around with a ‘thank you hello kitty’ bumper sticker

11:04 am March, 26 Killdozer said...

In case you missed the link, When Douchebag arrogance becomes dangerous :
.
.

Woman struck, killed by monster pickup truck outside Dallas strip club
.
.

.
. Dallas police arrested a 2002 Ford Pickup after Thursday’s fatal accident in the parking lot of the Spearmint Rhino strip club. The suspect is an F-250 with a lift kit, which raises the frame of the pickup several feet, limiting visibility and apparently causing it to develop an intense hatred of strippers.
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The truck is being held on a charge of murder in the the commission of a hate crime, as it has a history of expressing a distinct hatred of strippers, prostitutes and belly dancers.
.

11:29 am March, 26 FoghornLeghorn said...

I actually think Hello Kitty looks better here than in recent posts. Maybe the 12-step detox program is working out for her. The King, on the other hand, continues his downward spiral. He looks like he forgot to cover up the connection for his colostomy bag.

11:29 am March, 26 annon said...

I am sure Mr. Bill Hicks is getting a very red suntan…in hell. Hope the comedy schtick was worth the eternity. 🙁

1:54 pm March, 26 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

@annon 11:29…
.
Nah, Bill Hicks is doing what you’ll be doing in hopefully less years than you expect… putrefying in a box. Unlike him, though, you’ll be pissed about believing a load of bullshit while you were alive.

3:40 pm March, 26 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

@ MC 900 Foot Douchebag1:54 pm
OR, 2000 years of deity connections might be on to sumthin an’ you set yourself up for a baking or a tread-flaming-water for eternity outcome. I really don’t know. Neither do you. Maybe some respect on both sides?.
You go girl!
Just sayin’
FDD

12:29 pm March, 27 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

anon 11:29:

You could also use a dose of George Carlin, who by your standards, should also be burning in hell right now:

If there is a such thing as a hell, and I seriously doubt there is, I’d much rather be down there listening to some good comedy than hanging out in the clouds with the likes of you and your brainwashed zombie friends kissing some invisible dictator’s ass.

3:23 pm March, 27 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

@FDD…
.
I see no need to hedge my bets. Religion is a huge scam inflicted upon humanity to keep people in line. Watch that Carlin link memphis doucheworkers posted. I can’t say it any better than that.

4:10 pm March, 27 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

@FDD – There may something out there. Who knows. But any belief system that reels you in either through promises of eternal reward or threats of eternal punishment, not for what you do, but for what you believe, is as morally bankrupt as the douchebags on this site and deserves absolutely no respect.

And any deity who is too humorless or insecure to let Hicks or Carlin in the door deserves to be kicked in the balls, not praised.

5:11 pm March, 27 DarkSock said...

I peed in a horse once.

7:29 pm March, 27 Medusa Oblongata said...

Sherilyn Fenn, indeed. I’d know all those bits anywhere. That impossibly beautiful goddess was my very first girl-crush and the first time I ever fapped over a chick was after watching Boxing Helena for the first time. Yeah, even with all four limbs gone, I’d fuck the hell out of her with everything I had.
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THAI LADYBOY FTW!
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The guy at the strip club was drinking Rum and Diet Coke. RUM AND DIET COKE. Turn in your man card RIGHT NOW.
.
This Situation video is making me reeeaaaaallly uncomfortable….. I feel bad for the Situation. So bad I want to beat him to death with a bottle of cream soda and then set fire to the remains at dawn in front of a Toys ‘R Us.

8:14 pm March, 27 soy bomb said...

Does the King of Sears have a baby pacifier dermal anchor protruding from his bellybutton? Is this some new, grotesque douche trend?
.
.
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Hello Kitty’s never looked better. HellOOOOO Kitty!

11:19 pm March, 27 Stephanie said...

Ah..Bill Hicks. I’d like to take those hair products and dropping in something that colors their hair green. Tag the douche.

2:46 am March, 28 Canadian Drugs Online said...

It looks like the unholy crossbreeding of Ray Liotta as well as a bottle of Bud Select 55.

4:15 am March, 28 Anonymous said...

The irony of the God hating atheist is always entertaining. Much like a Che Guevara portrait hanging in a decadent Chicago mansion.
Bill Hicks may have accepted Christ on his death bed. That would be awesome.
Remove this post if you feel threatened.

8:27 am March, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Hello Kitty is smoking hot, even if much of it is manmade. I think sex with her would be fantastic as long as she didn’t breath through her nose because then all the dogs in the neighborhood would be in the room and sniffing at your butt.

10:07 am March, 28 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Soy 8:14–Funny, I JUST caught that myself. I was like, “WTF is that, a wind-up key?” Or else the scabbard of a plastic sword from a toy pirate that was irked at the display of baggery poolside….

10:19 am March, 28 memphis doucheworkers local 421 said...

Man, that “Situation” video was hard to watch. That was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever seen. Almost feel bad for the guy. Almost. I guess if you somehow turn jerzdouchery into your 15 minutes of completely undeserved fame and money, you better be able to handle the backlash. Ouch

6:13 pm March, 28 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Anonymous 4:15am…
.
When you say “God hating atheist” I hope you aren’t referring to me. I don’t give enough of a shit to call myself an atheist. Actually, I hate atheists as much as I hate the fucking morons who love God/Allah/Yahweh/Jesus/Ra/Buddha/Eric Clapton and all the other myths perpetrated by the oppressors. Wait, Clapton isn’t a myth, strike him from that list.

7:23 pm March, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I think arguing with hellfire anon is about as thankless as ordering Canadian drugs. Just praise the invisible sky pixie and return to the mock.

9:06 pm March, 28 fatness said...

Hello Shitty.
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I wouldn’t touch that with five pairs of latex gloves holding a dead Lower Wacker vagrant’s dick.
.
Seriously. That is revolting.
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Yah, put me on “the list”, faggot.

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