Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Smuggy Runs With The Goose

While angelic perky thigh rub hottie Michaela toss her youth and beauty into the cultural abyss with reckless abandon, Smuggy makes sure to find name-brand validation in a bottle of vodka.

And that picture is perfectly in focus. It’s you that’s drunk.

Your Humble Narrator on the Adam Carolla Podcast Tomorrow

Your humble narrator’s time spent riffing with Mr. Carolla at his garage studio in North Hollywood on all things Grieco and douchey will go live on the Adam Carolla Podcast tomorrow (Tuesday), so be sure to checkitout and let me know what you think.

And how’s about voting in the HCwDB of the Week? Yeah you. I didn’t wake myself up early, hung over and stubbley, to write that thing, just for you to sit back and skim the site passively. Get to work. ‘Bag mocking is a collective and active experience.

Dr. Redderick Lobster

Who says Long Island podiatrists can’t get down with the ladiez?

Crotchy Itchic

“Fun With Fonts” will be offered at the Learning Annex this Wednesday and Thursday from 6:00-8:00pm. All you need to bring is your laptop and your creativity! $20 for members, $25 for non-members, $40 for douchebags with blank t-shirts. Brothabag Mel will be teaching the course.

Brothabag Mel Doesn’t Care About the HCwDB of the Week

He just wanted you to know that he enjoys vagina.

Brothabag Mel Doesn't Care About the HCwDB of the Week

He just wanted you to know that he enjoys vagina.

HCwDB of the Week

Our last Weekly before the next Monthly, and it’s a good one. Last week was a surprisingly potent blend of HC and DB. The choices were hard to cull to three. But cull I must. So lets crank up this here place and get on our Mock. Bring it.

Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Night Oranger and Chrissie

What more can be said about a shirtless orange dude sporting camel toe? Only this: Mother Theresa can suck it.

There is no God.

Hashem hates us.

Ganesh was like, “Yo, I’m out.” Can’t blame you, Ganesh.

And poor Chrissie. Despite the strange makeup and granny undies, she’s pure like snowflake. Innocent and boobuous. Although perhaps of stumpy legs.

But I like stumpy legs.

Together, they make HC/DB AC/DC. I don’t know what that means. But I’m hung over and in the East Village today, and New York smells like lilacs and garbage.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: Yo Jimbo and the Kuyuko Girls

And lets not forget the sequel: Yo Jimbo Finds Tampopo

In the realm of the senses, this pic smells, tastes, looks, touches, sounds and senses ghosts like poo.

The Seven Samurai just up and quit, took their swords and went back to their villages.

Miike just made a 90 minute hi-def handheld video about poop. It didn’t have anything to do with this pic. It’s actually just his new film ,”I Reject Your Elitist Attempt to Call me An Auteur.”

I have no idea what I’m writing.

Did I mention I’m hung over and in New York? The urbanite young femmes tempt me with miniskirt and coquettish pout.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Nicole and the Cabbage Face

A rare Saturday HCwDB pic to make the finals, there’s just something about this pic that rankles me.

It’s the face. The Cabbage Face needs a team of angry Liliputians armed with matchstick pitchforks to go to town on his nads until society is sure he won’t reproduce.

Did I just embrace Eugenics as a systemic ideology of social good?

Yes. Yes I did.

And Nicole is pure pouty talcum bottom goodness.

Her voice is high pitched and nasal, but I don’t care. And I read her the Bernstein Bears before gnawing upon her ankles while cranking Bad Brains on her iTunes.

(Dis)honorable mention to the bohoemeth that is Hulk Brogan, The O-Face, The Jenga Crew, the perfect six-pack of boobs in Billy has a Thought, and the toxic Billy Corsican, who’s bunny was just too paid-to-pose to qualify as true HCwDB.

Hmmm. Note to self: Overuse of “Billy” as a name.

And then there’s Pumpito. Who is safely ensconced in our Closet of Poo, and will not be mentioned again. Yeesh.

Smell the toxicity of pud and ubergnaw of boobies, and then make your choice, as always, in the comments thread.

Vote now, fellow ‘bag hunters. We must mock together, or we will surely mock alone.

Asswankery in the Subcontinent

Somewhere in the floating ethereal afterlife of spiritual spectrality, Mahatma Gandhi just took a dump on St. Peter’s face in silent protest for the travesty of this clip.

Then Gandhi macked on Mother Theresa by busting his patented “Gandiggity neck massage.”

Which is just wrong. Cut it out, Gandhi. Don’t make me call over Buddha to settle this at the mahjong table.

Nicole’s Dating a Cabbage Patch Face

Nicole’s childhood Cabbage Patch Kid fixation is still being worked out in therapy.

Nicole's Dating a Cabbage Patch Face

Nicole’s childhood Cabbage Patch Kid fixation is still being worked out in therapy.