Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Mr. Bartleby Scores Most Expensive First Date Hott Adela, Dyes His Hair Blue

Europe.

Lets not go there. It is a silly place.

One Word Tuesday

Humanity.

Benzino and the Woo Hotts get ready for the 2012 Douchie Awards

Yup. That’s Pink Popped Collar.

The way it had to be.

If I can figure a calendar out, I believe the 2012 Douchies’ll start in about two weeks. A stripped down, quiet affair. Less awards, but more potency. Something like that.

Benzino’s already phoning it in.

And then phoning it in with a vase/shoe thingy.

And then phoning it in with a grilled cheese.

That’s how the playahs roll, kids.

If y’all want to contribute an award, drop me a line. Don’t cost nuthin’.

Donkey Douche Jail Updates

For those following the fascinating legal troubles of legendary douchebag and Hall of Scrote member Donkey Douche, Magnum Douche, P.I. writes in with an undercover investigation update on everyone’s favorite monosyllabic grunt:

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Hey DB1,

The guy is like an annuity for this site, he’s always paying off.

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The Donk will always live on in our hearts and minds.

Pulitzer committee, I hope you’re taking note. I expect HCwDB to receive acknowledgement for our important and vital news reporting covering the important stories of our time.

Who Cares About The Creepy Guy?

Lets talk about Alyssa and Melody.

In a soapy bath fondle.

While tiny plastic army men parachute from the sky. With lufas and washrags, ready to assist. And a disco aerial cavalcade of humping lions celebrates with collective roar at the taut skin soapy fondle crescendo that ensues with melted candy corn and Pepe handing out towels by the washroom after post-coital repose requires a Pepsi.

For those are the taut fondle booble fondle that drives better men than I to start wars and sublimate rage at peers, neighbors and small woodland creatures. I drink their bath water and weep for my own lost innocence of prepubescence.

Benzino and Rich Girl Rachel are Not Impressed by the HCwDB of the Week

Time to pump it out.

HCwDB of the Week: Minigroo and Sophia

Minigroo isn’t an uberbag, although let us not go gentle into that douchey t-shirt. Minigroo makes no douche-face and makes no douche-hand-gesture.

But bling + steve tatts and A/Xholery are not excusible. ‘Bag.

On the hott Sophia offers footnoted references to early 11th Century Kabballah notes on butt fondle by none other than Maimonides himself. For that, I daven her tzochkies with deep and pensive reposic celebration, and then rub my Crisco-lubed forehead on her ankles with a vigorous shaking motion.

Last week saw Hairwolf and Kelly, Semitic Celebrity Glute, and GAH!

But none more HC and DB than this pairing.

We’re almost at the last Monthly before a subdued and quiet 2012 Douchie Awards. You ready? You mirin? Come at him, bro.

BREAKING: Jerz Guid Mating Call in Vegas Fails to Attract Woo Hottie

Bonus points for tagging a nearby dancing Jewschbag.

WARNING: Lack of hott counterbalance and greasy disturbances of the force prevail.

Comment of the Week: Miler

Okay, it’s not from a thread, but as we approach the 30 year anniversary of one of the greatest philosophical treatises of our time, Repo Man, this Bud’s for Miller:

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A lot o’ people don’t realize what’s really going on. They view life as a bunch o’ unconnected incidents ‘n things. They don’t realize that there’s this, like, lattice o’ coincidence that lays on top o’ everything.

It’s all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

————

Turkey Thoughts and Links

Captain Douchebag and the So-So Ladies of Amateur Wrestling (SLAW) says “Happy post-Thanksgiving day!”

Party Peen for the pungent putridosity.

Yup.

Got little to nothin’.

The Black Friday orgy of spending is noxious and toxic and reprehensible and all that is wrong with consumer culture.

And yet I drove to Best Buy this morning and bought a Galaxy tablet.

Because hey, when in Rome, spit on the baby Tebus like the Romans do.

Here’s your links:

When the DB1 participates in consumer culture, this is what he buys

Speaking of buying, if you’re buying lotsa stuff on Amazon this holiday season, be sure to click through the HCwDB links to Amazon and help support the site’s operating costs. In the immortal words of Blutarksi, don’t cost nothin’.

The best way to get into the holiday spirit in Miami? You guessed it. Dress douchey as shit.

Genesis of the Bleeth. With a hint of redemption?

Speaking of Florida, douchey-ass Camaro brings out the haterz.

Gilbert Gottfried reads 50 Shades of Gray.

Confused about Pears? Try this handy chart.

Twinkies in the news

HoHos sadly ignored.

Okay, that’s it for links. You want your pear for realz:

Pensive Window Pear

And if that ain’t enough:

Quint Pear

Don’t ever say I didn’t do nothin’ for ya, no triple negative.